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Practice Exercise
4 - 6 minutes
If someone asks you to love them as is, try wondering what contributes to their need for acceptance. Loving someone and empathizing with them, doesn't mean you can't make requests for change. Recall that your requests are about your needs, not about them. Understand that requests may not be met due to lack of resources or skills, even if the desire is there. Clarify how important the request is to you and how negotiation can look.
Details...Trainer Tip: List specific things that would signify love to you. Based on who the other person is and who you are, how could your need for love be met? Being specific is important. General statements, such as “I just want you to love me” or “I would like you to be more attentive and listen to me more” won’t work. (S)he may already think (s)he is attentive. What would being attentive look like to you? And how will he know if (s)he’s been attentive enough?
Details...Trainer Tip: Have you ever noticed that some of your behaviors ensure that your needs for peace and relief won’t be met? Take judgments for instance. The more we have, the less peaceful and happy we feel.
Details...Trainer Tip: Do you ever feel certain that other people see things the way you do, only to find out they don’t? Read on.
Details...Trainer Tip: Do you ever think you’re taking life just a little too seriously? Many of us work hard trying to improve our outlook, our ability to communicate, and our lives. Sometimes we work so hard, we forget to enjoy life. So let’s make a pact to enjoy our day.
Details...Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Q: How do we get the love we want? A: Ask for it.
Details...Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: When do we move from using the formal 4-step process of NVC to a more idiomatic, natural-sounding expression? Whenever we're ready!
Details...Trainer Tip: Q: How do we get the love we want? A: Ask for it.
Details...Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
1 - 2 minutes
Trainer Tip: Q: How do we get the love we want? A: Ask for it.
Details...Beginner Skill Level
Trainer Tip
2-3 minutes
Inbal answers a parent's question about praise and offers a perspective on how praise translates into the NVC framework.
Details...