Anger and resentment can signal unmet needs. Through mourning those needs and practicing self-empathy, we may let go of blame, embrace reality, and reclaim responsibility for fulfilling our own needs. This process may lead to emotional transformation through conscious reflection, and a new outlook.

When people have a hard time communicating in a loving way (e.g. criticize, blame, shut down,  act out, etc.) it can be very challenging. Using empathy-based communication we can connect to the underlying feelings and needs behind their behavior. By recognizing when to do what (empathizing, stepping back, etc), we can respond with compassion and clarity rather than reactivity.

Hearing "no" can bring emotional pain, but it can be delivered in a way that minimizes discomfort. We can find the gift in the request, express feelings and needs instead of saying "no," and offer an alternative solution that supports all parties. This approach fosters honesty, respect, and understanding, while setting boundaries if necessary to protect oneself. Clear communication reduces the likelihood of conflict.

Fear can show up as a thought or feeling. When we think and dwell on fear and get stuck, fear becomes our worst enemy. For a healthier approach, discover what brings up the emotion of fear by looking for the unmet need behind it. Next, identify the stimulus for the fear. Then satisfy the need(s) with suitable strategies. You can also reassure yourself based on the truth, evidence, and facts. Or ask a friend for support. 

By guessing our child's feelings and needs we open the door to understanding what's behind their behavior, and can better suggest solutions that meet both their and our own needs. In this way we build trust and their desire to seek us out in times of need. Expressing our own feelings and needs also allows us to help them understand the value in fulfilling tasks or requests.