When I left school (a very long time ago), I studied at the Royal College of Music in London. The most profoundly satisfying outcome of my training was experiencing the exquisite connection that arose when listening intently to my fellow performers, each allowing ourselves to be influenced by one another to shape a performance. Egos were put to one side, to be replaced by collaboration and mutual exchange. Our aim was to create something beautiful.
I later found that NVC has an analogous intention and effect. Over the 27 years that I have been integrating it into my life and work, I have seen ever more clearly how its principles and ethos enable people to tune in to one another and transform discordant relationships. I have been drawn ever more strongly to working with conflict. As well as learning from multiple other NVC practitioners, I glean insights from numerous other resources: therapists; polyvagal theory practitioners; trauma specialists and researcher practitioners shedding light on the multiple factors shaping conflict and peace.
The majority of people who find their way to me are in distress. It may be individuals, seeking help. More often, though, I work with the whole relationship system.
At work, this may be a ruptured relationship between two individuals, or a team conflict with power dynamics complicating the situation, revealing wider systemic issues.
In a family context, it’s likely to be a couple on the verge of divorce, wondering if they can step back from the edge and rebuild their relationship, or else a couple already separated or divorced yet enmeshed in a battle over assets, for example, or access to their children.
Within the NVC network, I also offer support and supervision to the upcoming generation of NVC practitioners.