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To tell the difference between empathy and investigation, watch for distinctions along four different dimensions: energy, subject, intention and trust. These distinctions can help us engage awareness and skill to meet your needs and respond to others’ needs in more direct ways. The more you meet your needs in conscious and direct ways, the more present you can be for others. Read on for more about how to do this.

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Grief is often confused with anguish. Anguish is a painful feeling that comes along with deep resistance to an experience or truth. Grief that leads to healing is an expansive state. It is a willingness to be with an experience and truth. If you're not resisting grief, then it's a neutral-to-pleasant experience. Pleasant sensations can include a sense of space and relief as something is integrated and tense holding releases.

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Join CNVC Certified Trainers Jeff Brown, Jean Morrison, Karl Steyaert, Kathleen Macferran, Mary Mackenzie and Sylvia Haskvitz in a lively Q&A session focusing on naturalizing NVC into our daily interactions.

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Trainer Tip

1 - 2 minutes

10/2005

Trainer Tip: When we are authentic about who we are, and our preferences, we give everyone and ourselves a better opportunity to open up dialogue about how to meet our collective needs better. We simply express our truth, and in that way we value our own needs as much as those of others.

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How can you ask for feedback without checking your authenticity at the workplace door? CNVC Certified Trainer Jeff Brown explains that connection requests can help by attending to the quality of your relationship before the content of your request.

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Jim Manske offers practices to stay in dialogue without defensiveness, especially when it's difficult. Listen to Jim discuss the refining of our commitment to connection and how to respond to others' defensiveness too.

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John introduces his Self-Connection Exercise as a mindful way of coming to awareness via OFNR. Breath: immediately observable, a reminder to observe. Body: feeling the body, awareness of sensations. Needs: an experience of wholeness that expands awareness of the totality of experience. Listen.

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Video

1 hour, 47 minutes

5/17/2022

How we choose to communicate can either open or shut down connection. We express ourselves through our bodies, so no matter how ‘nicely’ we offer words, if they are not aligned with our energy, they won’t be congruent. This session will offer simple yet powerful tools to connect to your needs and others' needs, allowing more authentic words that are imbued with care.

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Article

13 - 19 minutes

10/2015

When we have an inner conflict, how can we bring ourselves closer where we want to be? Miki explains about how we can deepen our self understanding in a way that can transform our own reactivity, urges, and false either/or views -- so that we can bring in more presence, choice, and options.

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Using real-life examples from class participants, Sylvia Haskvitz demonstrates the life-changing results of clarifying the needs underlying "shoulds." Some of the situations covered in this audio are:

  • A grandmother shares how she was able to spend time with her grandchildren even when experiencing estrangement from her daughter
  • A father examines how to repair a conversation with his daughter
  • A woman explores her "should" thinking about her financial stability, her job and grief regarding her husband's death
  • A woman connects to her deeper needs that arise with the statement "I should do my taxes"
  • A woman perceives that she has conflicting needs for family harmony, relaxation and comfort when deciding whether to spend holiday time with stepchildren

If your life is fraught with "shoulds," this resource will support you in translating them into needs and, in some cases, to let them go entirely.

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