In learning how to re-invent the economic system so that it distributes resources in a way that includes as many people's needs as possible, we would need to be in a process of mutual influence with one another. However, addressing resource distribution can be complex when people in different social locations have 1.)a different sense of what's considered "enough" 2.) different capacities to find creative strategies that work within the given limitations, and 3.)different levels of self-doubt, shame and capacity to put their concerns and needs on the table. Can we collectively create conditions that support people to stretch productively so that included in the outcome are the needs, perspectives, ideas, and concerns of people who are less powerful? What needs to be in place to support the way towards a better future?
In a recent vacation in a Mexican village, I was surprised to find myself in the midst of a community in mourning. Two days before I came, a 21-year-old girl had died in a car accident. Everyone in the town knew her and was openly affected by her death.
Making a decision or boundary that invites someone to be honest about their feelings can be difficult. Remember that lack of authenticity may be due to lack of awareness, inner conflict, or fear of conflict, rather than dishonesty. Offer empathy and reassurance and invite more conversation. Approach with compassion and curiosity to naturally invite more honesty.
Notice situations where you're attending to another and giving up on your needs with resentment or a sense of submitting. You can also watch for “shoulds,” obligation, and black-and-white thinking around the support you offer. Is there a sense that if you don't carry out a particular action something bad will happen? If so, identify the needs at hand and brainstorm a variety of strategies to meet them.
Arnina Kashtan works with a course participant to explore the question, "What am I Willing to Pay for My Freedom?" Arnina leads her in a process of self-inquiry to identify some the factors that leave her bound to conditioned behaviors, offering a path to freedom.
Trainer Tip: It can help us bring joy into our lives to connect to the needs we serve for doing things. While our activities may not always be fun, understanding their purpose and their value to our lives can help us shift the energy behind the action and have a more positive experience. Consider the underlying needs activities meet, and decide if they are worth it to you.
CNVC Certified Trainer Gina Cenciose guides listeners through a 20-minute guided self-empathy meditation.
Trainer Tip: Discovering the unmet needs is only a starting point. The other part is to understand what it will take to meet that need, and make a request that will accomplish this. This way, we can resolve situations before they escalate. Everyone benefits when we are clear about what we would like.
Blame is a misguided habit that's used to avoid pain and suffering, offering only a momentary distraction and oversimplifies complex histories. It also disconnects us from choice and agency, blocks us from discovering more about ourselves and others, and can keep us from having compassionate, self responsible conversations. Instead, we can practice speaking in terms of impact and notice our experience without trying to escape it.