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When we have privilege, we can have access to resources resulting from legal or social norms related to membership in a group -- independent of any (in)action, awareness of the disparity, the potential benefits to us, or the costs to others. Unhelpful ways of engaging with privilege are: denial/invisibility, guilt/shame, defensiveness, and entitlement. Helpful ways of engaging are: owning privilege, learning about privilege, opening to feedback, and stewarding privilege for benefit of all. To be helpful we need to engage with necessary (rather than unnecessary) discomfort.

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What's my intention? What needs am I trying to meet? What do I want the other person to know or understand? How can I say it in a way they are most likely to hear? These are four questions we can use in preparation for an important conversation. Read on for more on this, plus four accompanying practices.

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Robert Gonzales shares how embracing impermanence involves continually growing in his ability to accept unmet needs, to be comfortable with discomfort and unwanted experiences. Robert shares a quote by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow about letting it rain, emphasizing the simplicity and wisdom in accepting life's experiences as they come.
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Trainer Tip

1-2 minutes

01/26/2005

Trainer Tip: Mary offers a perspective on how to know if our need for honesty is being met.

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Anger, guilt, shame, and shutdown are often based on reactivity and “should” thinking. They narrow and distort perceptions, which can bring more suffering. So instead, feel them without resistance, nor acting on them. Bring clarity by naming your observables and thoughts, plus your underlying vulnerable feelings, needs and self-responsibility. Then mourn what needs were, or are, unmet. Only then choose what actions to meet needs.

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Learning Tool

N/A

Circa 2006

These downloadable cards are graciously offered to help busy parents who want more time and less struggle.

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In this upbeat video, CNVC Certified Trainers Kelly Bryson, Christine King and Jean Morrison enact two role plays that involve a triggered adult interacting with a young student and a teacher who has just witnessed an unpleasant interaction between two students.

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Trainer Tip

2-3 minutes

4/11/2024

We only have this decade to make radical changes to avert crossing over into an unlivable Earth. What's essential is a critical mass of people with capacity to respond to many enormous, daunting social-environmental challenges. This means on a wider scale, responding to conflict, fear, hate, injustice and violence with the ability to see our commonality underlying our differences. And to feel part of a larger whole so we can birth natural caring, togetherness, and cooperation.
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Underlying much of our communication is a request: when we say something, we're usually expecting something else — perhaps something subtle — in return. Let's look at how to make requests clearer and more do-able, avoiding the pitfall of demands.

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Empathy guessing when I was new to NVC seemed magical and mysterious. How could that other person have known that about me? And seen inside me — often in ways I'd missed myself. While empathy is both intuitive and an art, there is also a science to it. In this brief yet fascinating introduction to Dian's course, Empathy  Hacking, you'll learn a super-practical way to demystify empathy guessing by making use of the root meaning of words.

 

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