Browse the NVC Library

Here's a table outlining eight ideas people have regarding what NVC "is". It provides columns for the principle, related needs and strategies of the NVC approach. You can add to the table your own ideas for NVC approaches. Included are five sets of reflection questions to explore what speaks to you, what would expand your range of options, what brings up discomfort, and more.

Trainer tip: If you are in a relationship (whether personal or work related) that you are not happy with, consider talking to the other person in an effort to connect about both your needs. Talking about it doesn’t guarantee that you will like the resolution, but not talking about it guarantees continued unhappiness. Read on for more.

Trainer Tip: If we're deflecting an appreciation or letting it expand our ego, we're missing a chance to truly connect to what's important. A more satisfying way to receive appreciation is to connect to how we've contributed to another person’s life, rather than our own.

The purpose of boundaries is to prevent harm to yourself and others. You decide what you are available for and what you are not. Boundaries are a clear expression of limits that keep your heart open no matter what.

The human species is trained and habituated towards separation. This model encourages humans to either give up on their needs or fight for their needs. In this short video, Miki shares how increasing capacity shifts habits of separation and supports holding of all needs.

Some things may seem to take longer at first, but end up making things easier and faster. Other things seem easier or faster in the short term, but end up taking more time in the long run. This applies to projects, group agreements about process, relationships, addressing conflicts, clearing up misunderstandings, damage control, etc. It can be faster to slow down, be more present, and take the time since we care about the outcome.

When asking for support from another, you are most likely to enjoy receiving that support when the person giving support is giving from the heart—from a place of joy or delight. Inviting them to say "no" is a way of encouraging an authentic response, a response you can trust more fully.

Miki responds to a participant’s question concerning fear of consequences when speaking with a manager at work. In this excerpt, she delves into the topic of choosing to inhabit nonviolence in the workplace, affirming that fear and nonviolence are incompatible, and that nonviolence is a powerful alternative to our habitual Fight, Flight, Freeze responses.

In this enlightening Trainer Conversation, three veteran CNVC Certified Trainers discuss whether NVC can be learned without first learning Observations, Feelings, Needs, Requests (OFNR). The conversation naturally meanders as the trainers grapple with the question, eventually covering a wide-range of topics including the spirituality and true essence of NVC.

Trainer Tip: The better you connect with your child’s needs, the more you will defuse the power struggle. If he wants to behave in a way you don't like, start by understanding what's going on with him by making empathic guesses. Doing this out loud can expand your child’s emotional vocabulary and show that his needs matter to you, and build his trust. Once you learn what's going on with him, create a strategy that values both your needs.