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Trainer Tip: The exchange of resources, that is, exchanging money for an item or service, is enhanced and better appreciated when we are connected to its personal value rather than its cost.

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When something happens that we don't like no amount of resentment nor magical thinking will make it disappear. Instead, we can mourn to dissolve our own resistance, resentment, and numbness of resignation. Mourning can allow us to feel pain with acceptance, and without needing to be okay with what happened. Acceptance can bring us to a place where even all the anguish in the world is fully, part of life.

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In this book excerpt, Kathleen and Jared offer a path to reach deeper clarity, distinguishing between revealing ourselves and projection.

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Trust, flow, information sharing, and learning is reduced in conflict. Conflict can indicate incapacity in at least one of five systems that every group, community, or organization needs to function. Attending to conflict at systems-level helps reduce over relying on momentary connection that isn’t anchored in decisions about what comes next. When there's enough agreed upon systems within capacity, that attend to enough kinds of situations, we're likely to have little conflict.

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Trainer Tip

1 - 2 minutes

Circa 2005

Trainer Tip: When I am in resistance to what is happening in my life, when I'm having a very difficult time enjoying or just being with what is occurring, I like to offer up my gratitude.

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Listen as Miki works with participants. Topics: how small requests serve interdependence; NVC process vs purpose; how to respond when empathy is used to create distance; coping with verbal aggression, and more!

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If you want a better connection it's crucial to be mindful about how your communication affects your partner. This means noticing and keeping eye contact, observing body language, and checking for their reactions. You can also share in small increments, check in before sharing vulnerable thoughts, and express what you notice. Give yourself empathy when you notice that you want to be right more than you’re wanting to be connected.

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Sharing more vulnerably provides opportunities for fulfilling connection. As social beings we rely on feedback to see our effect on others. We can get that feedback through body language, facial cues and words. To expand your capacity to share more vulnerably you can create supportive conditions and timing. You can ask for feedback by making in-the-moment requests of others and yourself before and after you share.

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Interrupt cycles of conflict by creating a new ways forward. You can do this by connecting with the energy of the met needs you want in the dynamic; guessing the other person's needs; naming your needs; asking essential questions; identifying at least three different strategies to meet each need; and imagining the positive outcome.

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Trainer Tip

1-2 minutes

07/2009

Eric offers a very brief but valuable Trainer Tip about persistence practicing NVC, sometimes a small shift in approach can make a big difference.

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