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Trainer Tip: We feel our freedom when we are willing to look at others’ needs and our own, evaluate all of them and work toward valuing everyone’s needs. Take the time to demonstrate that you value everyone’s needs as much as your own today.

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Attraction to others is neither good nor bad. Although it's pleasurable it doesn’t necessarily help with wise discernment. When it arises, it's up to you to engage in wise discernment about how you manage it. This guide provides practices and points of focus to engage your own attraction in a way that holds more choice about what will meet needs for yourself and others, and what role attraction plays.

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Although we are evolutionarily designed for collaborating with others when attending to our basic needs, the weight of the systems and cultural messages we have inherited interfere. Many of us are doubtful that collaboration is possible or effective, and most of us lack both the faith and the skills to live collaboratively, regardless of cultural imperatives. Miki helps us navigate this terrain.

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Experience John Kinyon's application of NVC Founder Marshall Rosenberg's 4-part model of reconciliation and healing, a model he developed over the course of decades of work with people around the world who have experienced the deep pain of violence.

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Audio

1 hour, 11 minutes

circa 2000

In this audio recording, Veteran CNVC Certified Trainer, Sylvia Haskvitz uses real-life situations to help us find more natural expressions of what is harmony with our hearts.

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Using real-life examples from class participants, Sylvia Haskvitz demonstrates the life-changing results of clarifying the needs underlying "shoulds." Some of the situations covered in this audio are:

  • A grandmother shares how she was able to spend time with her grandchildren even when experiencing estrangement from her daughter
  • A father examines how to repair a conversation with his daughter
  • A woman explores her "should" thinking about her financial stability, her job and grief regarding her husband's death
  • A woman connects to her deeper needs that arise with the statement "I should do my taxes"
  • A woman perceives that she has conflicting needs for family harmony, relaxation and comfort when deciding whether to spend holiday time with stepchildren

If your life is fraught with "shoulds," this resource will support you in translating them into needs and, in some cases, to let them go entirely.

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Our "felt-sense" can provide crucial information about our experience and our lives. It can also help us integrate and retain information. This can also bring greater access to internal resources, choice, open heartedness, collaboration and creative solutions. From there, profound insight and transformation can follow. Here's how we can harness that...

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How do we address historical and present challenges regarding the invisibility of privilege and power? What can we do, especially if we are people with privilege, to transform these conditions?  However challenging these kinds of situations are, and whatever our position, we can move towards more inclusivity by learning and doing significant inner and outer work.

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In this NVC Life Hack, we look at those circumstances when we're saying yes ... but only kinda! Because we're still actually saying no. Shantigarbha and Gesine look at the needs that aren't being met.

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Trainer Tip

1 - 2 minutes

10/2005

We can ask for what we want but if we repeatedly don’t get it from one source, it's our responsibility to find a new way to get it. We don’t honor our relationships when we insist that people who are unavailable or unwilling to support us meet our needs. Read on for related a parable about a woman persistently asking to get milk from a hardware store.

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