Browse the NVC Library

Trainer Tip: When they say "no", acknowledge what people are saying "yes" to. From there, you persist towards a resolution that values both party's needs, without demand. Persisting is when we try to meet needs by continuing to connect with another. Demanding is when we insist someone do something, or else face negative repercussions. Showing care and willingness to work with people can help them to want to collaborate and resolve conflict.

Trainer Tip: Overwhelmed with all that you want to do? If so, what are you working to change? Is it a behavior or a consciousness? Where were you with this issue when you first decided to create change? And now where are you? Celebrating your progress can encourage you to keep trying. You wouldn’t expect to jump on a treadmill and jog three miles the first time. Don't have the same expectations for your emotional fitness either!

To learn to identify and speak from your needs requires specific tasks and practices. Here's a list of 10 learning tasks and practices for you to choose from. Some of these ideas include using needs cards and lists, working backwards from strategies and ideal scenarios, reflecting on past experiences and relationships, and asking for/offering/exchanging empathy.

Join Susan Skye in this hour-long audio recording to learn how to experience the NVC consciousness as an embodied, living practice of the 'Living Energy of Needs."  This recording includes a supportive learning exercise and tips for expressing needs in a non-mechanical way.

"Over the years, I have noticed that people -- including trainers and facilitators --     use the words of the NVC process without full connection to life energy, often resulting in a failure to get to a full connection with actual life energy of these qualities that we have named "needs." This results in a mechanical communication model, rather than a true empathic connection. Join me in learning how to share NVC as an embodied, living practice of the 'Living Energy of Needs."
—Susan Skye

Trainer Tip: In NVC we consider love to be a need. We all need love, but the ways in which we express it can be very different.

The less blame and criticism, the easier it is for others to hear us. From this perspective, it’s in our best interest to come from curiosity and care. This way differences can bring us together and help us know one another. The more mutual understanding, the easier it is to work together and find creative solutions. Read on for more on this, with a story about how a black man inspired 200 members of the KKK to leave the organization.

Inbal responds to the question "Is bribery an acceptable tool for compliance?' and helps us understand the five habitual reasons we do things.

Ask the Trainer: "I am wondering what to do with a judgment that is expressed by someone about me. In these situations I can't find the unmet need they are expressing (other than perhaps significance)."

Anger can bring in judgment and blame. Instead, use anger and frustration to identify what’s important and express what matters to you in a collaborative way.