Trainer tip: Be aware of your inner jackal chatter today and make a commitment to listen for the underlying needs they are trying to tell you about. Trainer Tip "Any change in one part of your life affects all other parts." —Gloria Karpinski When I am emotionally charged, my brain can begin an internal chatter that keeps me from focusing on the situation I’m in. Before I learned Compassionate Communication, I tried to ignore this chatter or censor it by thinking, “Oh, Mary, you shouldn’t feel that way. Don’t be so impatient. She’s not feeling well, you know.” My self-censorship kept me frustrated and agitated. Now, when I allow my inner jackals to have voice and I listen to what they need, I can feel calm in a few seconds. In Nonviolent Communication, this is called enjoying the jackal show. In this instance, “enjoying” refers to the kind of pleasure we get from peacefulness, calm, or clarity rather than the kind of fun we might experience eating an ice cream cone with a friend. Some time ago, a sick friend asked me to take her mail to the post office. She proceeded to tell me how to separate local and out-of-state mail and exactly which mailbox to use for each. I had gone through a particularly tiring day and had a need for ease. When she started with the specific instructions, my inner jackal started in with, “Has she noticed that I am 46 years old? Am I the only one who notices this? Really, I have mailed thousands of letters over my lifetime all by myself. No wonder she doesn’t feel well; she spends so much time controlling every detail of her life!” My jackals can be very biting and judgmental. After hearing this for a few moments, I began to empathize with myself by thinking, “Mary, are you tired and want ease? Are you annoyed and want your friend to respect your ability to figure things out on your own?” Connecting to myself in this way only took a few seconds and helped me to become more present to the situation at hand— my friend’s illness and my own need for ease. So I said to her, “You know, I’m noticing how tired I am and I’d like ease with this situation, so would you be willing to trust my ability to mail your letters without further instructions on how to do it?” She said, “Oh! Sure.” Off I went to the post office, still feeling tired but less agitated. Enjoying the jackal show is being present to what the jackals are telling you, including the underlying needs they are trying to meet. Our jackals hold wisdom and relief for us if we listen to them. Be aware of your inner jackal chatter today and make a commitment to listen for the underlying needs they are trying to tell you about. This trainer tip is an excerpt from Mary Mackenzie's book, Peaceful Living, available from PuddleDancer Press. Keywords: Jackal Self-censorship Judgements Empathy Presence Mary Mackenzie