Trainer Tip: Q: How do we get the love we want? A: Ask for it. Trainer Tip To bring forth the soul of our being, we must be inour bodies, rooted to Earth, able to draw from theuniversal source of energy.—Diane Mariechild Have you ever tried to engage in a conversation with someone, but had to struggle to stay present? Or have you tried to resolve a conflict with someone, but spent most of the time dealing with the chatter in your own head? In my experience, what we do in these situations is get stuck in our own inner chatter. When this happens, we cannot heal or resolve the issue. I spent years in this anguish, and it wasn’t until I learned self-empathy in the Nonviolent Communication process that I started to experience relief. At first I wondered if empathizing with myself would be a never-ending selfish process. What I learned, though, was that I had years of unresolved issues to acknowledge and heal. Eventually, through consistent self-empathy, I healed enough to allow myself to be present in interactions with others. The inner chatter quieted. Today, it is such a relief to be present to myself and to the people in my life. I wish everyone knew how much connecting to and healing ourselves can improve our relationships with others. The four steps to self-empathy (done quietly to yourself, not expressed out loud) are: Enjoy the jackal show—acknowledge the judgments you have in the situation. Feelings—connect with how you feel. Needs—connect with the universal needs that are unmet in the situation. Request—notice whether you would like to make a request of someone else to help meet your needs. Through self-empathy, you will be more present to yourself and to others in your life. Be aware today of people who are trying to expresstheir love to you, and help them do this in waysthat bring pleasure to you both. This trainer tip is an excerpt from Mary Mackenzie's book Peaceful Living, available from PuddleDancer Press. Keywords: expression feelings honesty needs requests love relationships honest expression vulnerability Mary Mackenzie