Welcome to the NVC Library

We can get stuck in our heads. All kinds of thoughts float into our minds. We then get thoughts about those thoughts, they might even make you feel a certain way or change a behaviour. But what happens when we connect our feelings with the physical sensations in our bodies? As part of our teaching at NVC we have incorporated movement work to help us connect with where we hold emotions and how we can process them effectively.

In this practice group class, certified CNVC trainers Jim and Jori Manske are facilitating the exploration of the topic of Mourning using the three modes of NVC: self-empathy, honesty and empathic presence. You'll learn how to accept a loss, let yourself feel the sadness and all the emotions, and allow yourself to grieve.

Empathy alone can be unreliable in guiding compassionate action. As seen in historical events, military training, personal anecdotes, and scientific experiments, empathy alone may not prevent people from harming others. A sense of duty or obedience, often instilled through fear of punishment and shame, might inhibit empathic action. The antidote may be to fostering empathy without resorting to control, shame, or punishment.

The human species is trained and habituated towards separation. This model encourages humans to either give up on their needs or fight for their needs. In this short video, Miki shares how increasing capacity shifts habits of separation and supports holding of all needs.

This document is for organizations that want to integrate NVC. The intention is to use conflict as a stimulus to personal growth, more open and honest relationships, and life-affirming change. It mentions using NVC skills such as self connection, empathy, honesty, and requests (and protective use of force as last resort) to navigate the conflict with an intention of connection.

If you want to support someone in distress offer a menu of ways you can contribute. Often a person in distress can’t articulate what they need but can recognize it when they hear it. Move fluidly among these 11 options to offer what’s truly helpful, rather than offering something out habit or based on what you think they should have. Remember that you can ask, “Is this helpful?” to support collaboration.

How can Nonviolent Communication practices support us when we're feeling depressed? Taking a look at some characteristics of depression and how they're linked to unmet needs, we offer some steps to take that help you reconnect with life and others.

Trainer Tip: Notice when you create stories about why something occurred. Commit to only observing facts. Then make decisions that are likely to give you relief and joy. For instance, if someone is late you may think that she’s inconsiderate or values another thing more than you. Instead, observe what you know—that she's later than agreed. From there, you could call her to find out what’s going on.

Control may help us feel safe in an unpredictable, unsafe, wild world. Wanting control may be a response to shielding ourselves from feeling fear and being aware of our vulnerability. The more we insulate from fear, discomfort, and vulnerability, the more we are cut off from aliveness; we can become more anxious, and depressed. The more we control the more we are disconnected from empathy and care. With aliveness come joy, peace, love, awe.

Often, honoring someone’s choice supports more connection. Thus, checking in with someone’s choice to listen or not (offering autonomy) sets the stage for being heard more fully. On the other hand, when someone has the perception that you are talking to them without considering their choice, resentful listening might result. Here are ways to mindfully check in about choiceful listening before starting a conversation.

Trainer Tip: Even when it's tempting to coerce or match might with might, we can strive to meet our needs without negatively affecting others. Instead of convincing anyone to do it our way or to value the same things we value, we can focus on what we value: compassion among people and valuing everyone’s needs. By doing this we are actually more likely to meet our own needs and we are better able to live peacefully.

Trainer Tip: Here are four Stages of Emotional Maturity, also known as Stages of Emotional Liberation. Be aware of what stage of emotional maturity you are in today. And, celebrate it.

Certified CNVC Trainer Roxy Manning, Phd, shares three steps on how to reflect on what needs are being served when deciding to implement a strategy.

We can shift from being absorbed and identified with our inner chatter and feelings to being the space of awareness of these things. Observe your breath. Then observe your mind generating thoughts. Next, feel sensations of your body, particularly the difficult ones. Now, connect with the underlying energy of needs. Ask your unconscious mind for universal needs words related to what you now notice, think and feel.

There are many polarizing issues we can resist and fight over. The word "resistance" can mean fighting against what we don’t agree with in counterproductive ways. It can also be the illusion and futility of mentally fighting against reality of 'what is'. But acceptance, non-resistance, of what is doesn’t mean powerless resignation. Another way to resist is to accept and love whole-heartedly, with empathy and care for the people doing the things we are resisting.

Certified CNVC trainer Roxy Manning, Phd, answers a question: how to create a safe space for a first time group working on power and privileges ?

Trainer Tip: Without knowing our feelings, its harder to live fully present, take care of ourselves, and make sound decisions. If its difficult for you to know what you feel and to express your feelings, consider reviewing a list of feelings, practice expanding your feelings vocabulary, and naming your feelings.

Grief is often confused with anguish. Anguish is a painful feeling that comes along with deep resistance to an experience or truth. Grief that leads to healing is an expansive state. It is a willingness to be with an experience and truth. If you're not resisting grief, then it's a neutral-to-pleasant experience. Pleasant sensations can include a sense of space and relief as something is integrated and tense holding releases.

Have you ever been in a meeting where the agenda is full and someone gets triggered? Did you get stuck in an empathy spiral and a never ending meeting? Roxy Manning shares the difference between healing empathy functional empathy.

Certified CNVC trainer Roxy Manning, Phd, answers a question: how do we use the term "harm" in NVC? Think of the word "harm" as an unmet need, practice observation to identify the need or needs that are not met.