In this book excerpt, Kathleen and Jared offer a path to reach deeper clarity, distinguishing between response and reaction.
Responding to your own reactivity is an inside job. Robert reveals how your reactions are often a secondary reaction to a triggering stimulus, and that accepting responsibility for your reactions can lead to less blame and more inner peace.
With these exercises you can practice identifying the reactions to conflict, such as fight, flight, freeze, the posture taken, what you see, hear, smell, touch taste and what needs are at play. They will also bring in curiosity about what next step may help. One of these exercises prompts you to journal some of these things this week.
In lasers, light bounces between the mirrors, with each pass the light grows more intense. Our minds work similarly. Because of the "mirror" effect, where we can react to our reactions to our reactions to our reactions (and so on), changing our thought pattern even modestly at every level of reaction, can dramatically affect our ultimate experience. Usually the greatest amplifiers are the ones...
10 - 15 minutes
Here are 14 more key differentiations that are not, at time of publishing this, on the CNVC key differentiations list. They can be used to support people who are on the path of learning and integrating NVC in making sense of their own understanding of their journey and where they are within it. And it can be used to support people who share NVC with others in offering brief information in...
Bridget Belgrave, CNVC Certified Trainer from the United Kingdom, talks with an interviewer after he attends an NVC and Dance Floors workshop with her. The interviewer shares his reaction to the term "Nonviolent Communication."
1 hour, 11 minutes
Transforming anger is a key practice for returning to conscious presence and connection with self and others when triggered into a reaction. Join John Kinyon to learn this essential life skill through the Enemy Image Process and Learning/Growth Spiral.
Welcome to Part Two of our 3 part Embodied NVC Life Hack series. Last time we looked at rewiring your brain to navigate our primitive mind and sometimes default reactions such as fight, flight or freeze when faced with conflict. In this episode, we're going beyond self-empathy and looking at ways we can empathize with the other person.
It can be challenging to tell people that you don’t like a certain behaviour or action of theirs. Even with supportive intentions and compassionate language your message might be difficult for someone to receive. Of course, we are not responsible for others’ reactions, but we are responsible to care about each other, and there are effective ways to express ourselves with more care.
Blame is the game that protects me from the understanding that the cause of all my emotional distress, fear, shame and guilt comes from the part of me I call "the inner voice." As long as I keep the big bony finger of blame pointed in your direction, I can remain unaware of the fact that it is what I am telling myself about your behavior that is stimulating my painful reactions.
Reacting is deciding what to do based on what someone else does. Responding is deciding what to do based on your own needs and values. When someone isn't responding the way you want, and you want to respond in a way that embodies your values, with warmth and patience, examine your reactions. Ask yourself how you can access compassion and action that contributes to the well-being of all.
If you want a better connection it's crucial to be mindful about how your communication affects your partner. This means noticing and keeping eye contact, observing body language, and checking for their reactions. You can also share in small increments, check in before sharing vulnerable thoughts, and express what you notice. Give yourself empathy when you notice that you want to be right more...
Welcome to the final video in our 3 part Embodied NVC Life Hack series. So far we've learnt about rewiring our brain from a flight, fright or freeze reaction to the choice of self-empathy, allowing us to centre and check-in with ourselves. In part two, Empathy Skills, we went beyond self-empathy to look at ways we can empathise with the other person. In this final instalment, we create a bridge...
12 - 18 minutes
Why is it so difficult to not take things personally? It's because everything reinforces the sense that whatever is being said is indeed about us – both from without and from within. However, we can get better at not taking things personally with a practice of shifting our focus by being open to multiple interpretations, understanding that our reaction is about our own need, and noticing how...
There's reactive anger - the sudden outbursts of words, temper or action that create a nervous system response in another. And then there's the anger that's a reaction to someone's anger -- a nervous system startle-response. Instead of either of these, we can learn to heal with empathy, look for unequal power dynamics, take responsibility to make repairs, and shift into the clean, life-serving,...
3 - 5 minutes
There are healers and therapists who see climate anxiety as a pathology. Instead, we can see it as an understandable reaction to the magnitude of the environmental problems that surround us. And we can see it as a subset of eco-anxiety: a feeling of worry, nervousness or unease triggered by an awareness of the ecological threats facing the earth due to climate catastrophe. Read on for tips on...
How do you know when you’re projecting disowned parts or replaying old relationship dynamics? It’s hard to know for sure, but if you find yourself upset or shutting down and unable to have a dialogue in which you can speak clearly about your feelings and needs and empathize with the other’s feelings and needs, there is likely a projection. The stronger your reaction, the more likely you are...
Jim and Jori offer a tip to stay present in the face of our reactivity to witnessed conflict.
Why is it so difficult to change our patterns even when we want to, even when we experience shame or despair about them? Arnina Kashtan offers some of the common pitfalls and concrete steps to overcome them in the future.
Often when someone else does something we don't like, it's easy to blame the other person. After all, we have all been trained to focus on fault when needs are not met. What can we do to shift that pattern?