Welcome to the NVC Library

Building relationships happens through dialogue and understanding the deeper meaning behind the words spoken. It’s about active listening that focuses on feelings and needs so you may truly comprehend the speaker’s message. In this video, Duke introduces two components of communication and how the restorative dialogue process supports mutual understanding.

In this snippet from Duke Duchscherer's course, Restorative Dialogues: Transforming Conflict, Building Community Resilience, he shares a structured approach for conflict resolution or communication facilitation. It involves a facilitator guiding a conversation between two parties in conflict. The process begins with one party expressing their perspective while the other listens actively. The facilitator then prompts the listener to paraphrase what they heard, ensuring mutual understanding. This cycle continues until both parties feel heard. Subsequently, the facilitator encourages them to discuss potential solutions collaboratively. Once both sides are satisfied, the session concludes, with participants potentially swapping roles for further practice. The aim is for everyone involved to gain experience in effective communication and conflict resolution.

In parenting, Roxy Manning notes the tendency for self-judgment and external judgment. Roxy suggests that being a single parent or a working parent influences your ability to implement parenting strategies. The importance of assessing the feasibility of strategies in one's current life context is emphasized. Roxy encourages self-compassion and mourning the gap between desired and achievable outcomes. Her message encourages understanding personal constraints and practicing self-compassion in parenting.

Yoram Mosenzon shares an exercise and demo to explore the process of identifying observations and using judgements (jackals) to find the needs.

Children interpret and create meaning from everything they observe. They form a narrative about themselves and their place in the world. Roxy Manning shares how the stories of parents contribute to this narrative. Roxy shares a personal story where she, in an attempt to highlight her son's intellectual gifts, unintentionally influenced him to believe he couldn't do things on his own and wasn't smart. The impact of stories like this on a child's self-perception is long-lasting. Roxy urges us to consider the unintended messages that our words and actions may convey, as these narratives can be challenging to shift once established.

Aya Caspi, a Certified NVC Trainer discusses how the "story" we tell ourselves about human nature impacts our childhood and the roles we are taught to play in society.

Roxy Manning discusses the connection between the challenges parents face with their children and the qualities they want them to develop. She highlights the importance of aligning actions with desired outcomes, using the example that if parents value independence, they should encourage choice rather than demanding compliance. She encourages parents to consider the long-term impact of their parenting choices on shaping their children's future behavior.

Marshall Rosenberg used to talk about every situation with the same level of joy a child might feel. This may seem impossible at first! But when you focus on all the ways something is hard, you miss out on the full experience and remove your sense of choice. In this video, Mary shares several benefits of positivity and lots of examples along the way. 

What is empowered speech and how does it link to interdependence? How do you speak in a way that increases the chances of being heard and creates space where individuals are more inclined to listen and act? In this excerpt from the 2021 course, Working Together for Change, Itzel and Kathy explore how to do this by integrating empowered speech, attuned speech, and a commitment to maintaining connections.

Join Aya Caspi, a Certified NVC Trainer, as she delves into the difficult topic of parenting, childhood trauma, and social status. She discusses the generational impact of being labeled by society as "less than" or subservient. The wounds of childhood trauma can be healed so they no longer are a means of control by a dominant culture.

Robert Gonzales shares how embracing impermanence involves continually growing in his ability to accept unmet needs, to be comfortable with discomfort and unwanted experiences. Robert shares a quote by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow about letting it rain, emphasizing the simplicity and wisdom in accepting life's experiences as they come.

Each of us has a range of capacities. Miki Kashtan describes this as a range from "floor to ceiling." Floor capacity is what happens when you hit your limitation, ceiling capacity is when you are closest to functioning in line with your values and vision. This video describes the need to work on both to prevent the gap from expanding.

When you say yes, check if you are saying it out of submission. Similarly, when you say no, are you saying it genuinely or out of rebellion? Marshall Rosenberg calls this a loss or erosion of goodwill which can destroy or undermine relationships. In this video, Rachelle Lamb shares how submission and rebellion in communication can diminish your power.

Roxy Manning discusses the tendency to get attached to certain parenting strategies for control and emphasizes the importance of attuning to the child's needs rather than imposing fixed ideas of right or wrong. Using a personal example of being labeled a "bad child" for taking off uncomfortable dresses, Roxy highlights the need to observe and understand the child's perspective. She stresses the importance of moving away from rigid ideas about the perfect strategy and instead focusing on what is happening in the moment to better address both the child's and the parent's needs. Roxy encourages flexibility in parenting strategies and urges parents to check in on their motivations for seeking control.

A theory of judgment is that it is how we make sense of life and quickly assess what is safe or not safe. However, this has somehow been translated into right/wrong thinking. In this video, Aya explores different kinds of judgments and examples of each.

In uncertain times, when facing important life decisions, it's common to get caught up in imagining various scenarios and potential outcomes. The desire to predict and control the future often gives a false sense of security. The key is to make decisions based on the information available now, minimizing the number of irreversible choices. This approach maintains focus on what is known and prevents getting lost in the unknown. Rigor is essential, especially when familiar pathways don't align with desired values. In times of high stakes and uncertainty, such as dealing with a health crisis, the challenge is to resist the urge to speculate on countless possibilities and instead concentrate on the facts at hand. Miki Kashtan shares how staying in the present and acting on what is currently known provided a practical and grounded approach which allowed her to stay present throughout her sister's, Inbal Kashtan, journey with cancer.

Yvette Erasmus shares Terry Real's grid as a tool for exploring a spectrum of emotional responses. We all have feelings and sometimes we get dysregulated or frozen up. How do you want to express and be in connection with other people? Can you attune to the relational context that you are in?

Mary Mackenzie shares how Marshall Rosenberg's Four D's of Disconnection live in her. Join Mary and learn how you can reframe the 4 D's to enhance connection.

Duke Duchscherer shares that Restorative Circles have the ability to transform relationships. Groups may start with feelings of worry, anxiety, fear, anger, and even hatred. The dialogue process supports a shift to more ease, connection, and trust.

How do you solve a conflict? By not trying to solve it! Yoram suggests building your conflict resolution muscles by practicing connecting to the needs behind the conflict instead. Check out this excerpt from Session 1 of his 2021 course, Connecting in Conflict and the Art of Navigating Dialogue. Listen.