An exploration of four types of feedback: destructive criticism, constructive criticism, feedback by demonstration and dialogue. Trainer Tip Here are four different ways you may offer feedback, followed by the four ways you can hear any message: What's wrong? Destructive Criticism: Demeaning, depreciative, punitive intending to tear a person down. What's right? Constructive Criticism: Timely, sympathetic, supportive, explicit, instructive, problem-solving, intending to build the person up. Feedback by demonstration: We demonstrate what we predict might be a more "needs-meeting" alternative as a request for the other person to consider. Rather than say what we don't like (or like), we embody the feedback and show the other person what we have noticed AND demonstrate an alternative. This tends to help create a profound sense of safety, as the person delivering the feedback demonstrates vulnerability by behaving in the way they imagine would meet more needs. What can we learn together through dialogue, or Deconstructive Feedback: "We become explorers, tentative with our meanings, and open to changing them when we discover new vantage points or information" (Kegan and Lahey). Central intention is neither to tear down nor to build up, but to disassemble. The object of attention is not the other but our own evaluation or judgment. And, of course, we always have four choices about how we receive feedback, regardless of what style it is offered Jackal ears out: Blame and criticize the sender Jackal ears in: Blame and criticize ourselves Giraffe ears in: Connect with our own feelings and needs Giraffe ears out: Connect with the feelings and needs of the sender Sources of Inspiration:The work of Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. and NVC trainers around the world;1996 NLP Comprehensive Trainer Training (Gary Schmidt and Lara Ewing);Seven Languages of Transformation (Robert Kegan, Ph. D. and Lisa Lahey, Ed. D., SBN 0-7879-6378-X) Keywords: honesty inspiration personal growth workplace Jim and Jori Manske Jim Manske Jori Manske