NVC Resources on Requests

NVC practice is based on several key assumptions and intentions. When we live based on these assumptions and intentions, self-connection and connection with others become increasingly possible and easy, helping us contribute to a world where everyone’s needs are attended to peacefully.

Some of my core beliefs make experiencing gratitude difficult . For example, it’s difficult to celebrate others or myself when I think I have to prove my worth in order to be accepted. So much energy goes into proving myself, there’s little left for celebration.

Ask the Trainer: "I'm practicing with 'transforming the pain of unmet needs into the beauty of the need.' In identifying my unmet needs, I come up with 'fairness.' However, fairness isn't on the needs list! I'm wondering what needs might be underneath 'fairness.'"

This 31-minute audio with Miki Kashtan is packed full of power as she uncovers the dynamics of choice that are present 100% of the time, in every situation, regardless of the circumstances.

Ask the Trainer: "What guidance do you have for working with enemy images? Can you say some things about processes and/or exercises that can bring relief from this trap?"

Trainer Tip: It is true that we cannot fully understand other people until we understand ourselves. Gain understanding and healing through self-empathy within the Compassionate Communication process.

Trainer Tip: Sometimes our actions keep us from meeting our needs. Let’s say you long for connection with others, but you are also afraid of it, so you push people away. Then you tell yourself that no one likes you, resulting in depression and self-criticism. Self-empathy can help clarify what we truly want rather than focusing on what is wrong with others or ourselves, and help us align in...

Trainer Tip: In an efficient group process, clarity is key. Try to only say things if you are clear what you want back from the group. Then ask for what you want so people don’t have to figure it out for you. If someone says something and you’re not sure what he wants back from the group, anyone can assist by saying this: “I’m confused about what you would like from us. Would you help us...

Reactivity can harm relationships, but there are three keys to prevent or dissolve reactivity: discernment (recognize reactivity and interrupting it), transparency (express feelings and wants honestly and making simple requests), support for conscious connection (remind ourselves to practice prioritizing connection in interactions). Practice these to maintain fulfilling relationships and reduce...

Empathy is a form of attunement. Empathy is giving your compassionate curiosity by guessing another’s feelings and needs. Consider how you live or relate to each of these 12 essential aspects of empathy. Some of them mention how we can offer empathy without abandoning ourselves, how empathy isn't always the best response, and how "Empathy can be offered when you disagree with another’s opinion,...

How we treat ourselves when we fall short of our own ideals, desires and hopes can profoundly affect the quality of our lives. Learn how to identify your triggers and reactions, to mourn falling short, and to practice self-connection and self-empathy.

What are the most powerful things I can do to build an inspired relationship? I answered the question with romantic relationships in mind; however, I believe the answer below applies to all important relationships.

The NVC Circle of Life is a mandala illustrating the process and consciousness of Nonviolent Communication. Mandala literally means "sacred circle" and symbolizes wholeness, balance and harmony.

Ask the Trainer: “I heard a trainer say once that the ‘to be’ verbs aren’t really needs, such as to be heard, to be understood or to be valued. Can you help me understand why not?”

Ask the Trainer: "Can you share stories of transforming group conflict, or is NVC strictly intended for 'one-on-one' work?"

Ask the Trainer: “I would love some clarity about the NVC perspective on the cause of our feelings. It seems to me that my needs may be met or not, but the cause of my painful feelings is my story around the situation.”

What does nonviolence have to do with group facilitation? Miki Kashtan believes that nonviolence is a way of being and living that orients us in all our thoughts, words and deeds toward the integration of truth, love and courage. All nonviolent individual and collective actions are aimed at preserving what serves life and challenging what does not. Facilitation is one clear path for bringing...

Ask the Trainer: "At one point in my practice, it was brought to my attention that some people find the use of 'formal NVC' off-putting, or mechanical. Do you have any input or insight into this?"

Trainer Tip: Be aware of opportunities to be honest holding the intention to connect with people. If you do this with the elements of brevity, directness, and respect, you can increase your chances of being heard. If they don't like your honesty, consider switching to empathizing with them by listening to their feelings and needs.

Trainer tip: It's often easy for us to hear rejection when someone says “no” to us. If we focus on the rejection, we may feel hurt and fail to take the time to understand what is going on with them. However, if we focus on their feelings and needs, we're more likely to uncover what they want and what prevents them. To increase success in resolving conflicts and find solutions that work for...