Search the NVC Library

To resolve conflict, information of what's important to each party, plus corrections, needs to be included and built upon. Here we explore nine patterns of ongoing conflict, including diagnosis; assuming understanding; refuting; unhelpful communication mediums; over focus on intent over effect; and “hit-and-run” engagement. This is part one of a two part series.

Join Itzel Hayward and Kathy Simon as they present two role-play scenarios showcasing diverse approaches to navigating difficult conversations. Throughout the demonstration, they underscore the significance of cultivating self-empathy and mindfulness to effectively engage in challenging dialogues. Specifically, they introduce a role-play scenario concerning affirmative action, aimed at illustrating the contrasting outcomes when utilizing or not utilizing nonviolent communication skills.

Join Dian Killian as she reframes the 4 steps of NVC (observations, feelings, needs, requests) into everyday words you might hear at work.

Hearing "no" can bring emotional pain, but it can be delivered in a way that minimizes discomfort. We can find the gift in the request, express feelings and needs instead of saying "no," and offer an alternative solution that supports all parties. This approach fosters honesty, respect, and understanding, while setting boundaries if necessary to protect oneself. Clear communication reduces the likelihood of conflict.

There are various ways to be known. Learn how to engage and make clear requests accordingly. This includes getting clear in yourself about what exactly you want known; communicating how important it is to you; sharing examples in your life of being known; requesting and negotiating from the energy of the met need; letting the other person know whether or not the relationship is really sustainable for you if the need goes unmet long-term; and checking the other person's capacity.

When avoidance coping or positive thinking sidesteps challenges, internal and external injustice and unrest also rises as we sidestep our values and integrity. It leaves us in sadness and distress. What's unacknowledged impacts ourselves and others undesirably. To live nonviolently we need to be in touch with what's real. With resonance we can more likely be with what's true, and trust our resilience and inner alignment.

Trainer Tip: We have four choices of how to respond to someone, even when they say things that are hard to hear. We can blame the speaker, blame ourselves, we can self empathize by acknowledging our feelings and needs, or we can empathize with the other person's feelings and needs. Be aware of these options and consciously make your choice based on the needs you want to meet.

Transform arguments with these steps: take responsibility for your mind, increase your capacity for discomfort, slow down, show up and remember your values, offer understanding, take risks, and speak from your heart. Learning new skills takes time, energy and effort. However, it’s entirely possible to radically shift the way we communicate. The key is patience, persistence, and taking it one step at a time.

The purpose of boundaries is to prevent harm to yourself and others. You decide what you are available for and what you are not. Boundaries are a clear expression of limits that keep your heart open no matter what.

Inbal answers a parent's question about praise and offers a perspective on how praise translates into the NVC framework.

Trainer Tip: Mary explains the NVC principle known as the "protective use of force."

Trainer Tip: Clarifying our requests can make the difference between frustration and satisfaction, Mary shows you how.

Have you ever said 'I'm Sorry' to someone, only for it to leave you feeling disappointed and lacking connection? In some cultures, saying 'I'm sorry' has become too easy and is used for all sorts of situations. Whether it's just to excuse yourself as you pass in front of someone taking a photo, or if you've truly hurt a close friend. So when we really need to communicate regret, how can we do so in a way that acknowledges the situation and the connection?

John Kinyon teaches mindfulness and how to translate thoughts into clear observations.