NVC Resources with Erin Merrihew

Disappointment emerges when there is a gap between what we want, expect or hope for, and what is happening. When this occurs it can be tempting to make someone or the situation wrong. Instead, rather than pushing against the flow of life we can rejoin it, non-judgmentally notice our observations and feelings. Plus we can nurture acceptance and mourning. We can also remember that what's...

We all fall into codependency sometimes — it’s in our wiring. And when we do, it’s a sign that we’re looking for security the only way we know how in that moment: by looking outside of ourselves. At its core, codependency is the act of leaving ourselves and looking outward to find our sense of self. So to heal codependent patterns we need focus on coming back to ourselves and engage in...

Resentment is one sign that you need a boundary. You can set a boundary by requesting the behavior that would be most meaningful to you. Include why that behavior would be meaningful to you and share vulnerably. Then notice if you are holding any blame and ask yourself, “What do I need to feel underneath my blame?” If you can take responsibility for those feelings with compassion, the other...

What can you do to move towards connection when you you sense reactivity, defense, withdrawal or conflict arising? You can make a connection request, check the congruence between your body language and your words, and get curious about the impact of your actions. When you've tried everything you could also acknowledge that something is off, and choose to come back together when both parties...

After acknowledging the impact others have on us, you can ask yourself "What am I telling myself?" and "If that’s true, what am I afraid will happen?". The more present, gentle and compassionate you can be with the underlying feelings, the faster you can move through your trigger. Then you're more likely to respond in ways that feel, kind, responsible, intelligent and aligned for you.

Listening is more than just being quiet while people talk. It involves going beyond what the words to identify the issues that matter to the other person. Issues that are embedded deep within what the other person is saying. Even if we miss the mark on accurately interpreting what the other person is saying, we can find our way back on track with the other person's input...and also with...