NVC Resources on Strategies

Trainer Tip: The needs we focus on meeting and the strategies we use to meet those needs change over time. Mary shares about the life-serving nature of change.

CNVC Certified Trainer Miki Kashtan talks with radio show host Hollis Polk about strategies for communicating with family members whose political views oppose our own.

Jim and Jori Manske share strategies for employing gratitude to create more joy in life, jettisoning the fear of asking for what you want, and welcoming feedback no matter how it is delivered.

LoraKim explores what gets in the way of seeing the inherent worth and dignity of others when there is conflict in congregations. The strategies LoraKim offers can be applied to any spiritual community.

Inspired by a talk given by Marshall Rosenberg, Jim offers an interactive exploration of powerful strategies for making NVC an integral part of your everyday life.

For effective dialogue clarify your needs, boundaries, and requests beforehand. Setting boundaries is telling someone what you're going to do in order to meet or protect needs for yourself or others. Whereas with requests, even if you have preferences, you still hold open curiosity about strategies to collaborate with others in meeting needs. Read on for more.

It's normal for us to keep something inside, avoiding sharing it with someone else as the risk may feel too high. Maybe they will reject me, or be offended and not speak to me again? It can be difficult to know when to share your truth and when to keep it inside. In this episode we layout some useful strategies that will help you speak your truth, while still keeping the connection.

Ask the Trainer: "A participant in our beginners' NVC practice group asked the co-facilitators if there was a confidentiality agreement that was typically used in NVC practice groups?"

Trainer Tip: We can improve our relationships by focusing our attention first on connection instead of other stragegies.

In NVC we define needs as resources that life requires to sustain itself. All human beings have the same needs. The strategy is what we do to meet that need. Strategies are specific; we all choose unique ways to meet our needs. The more we can see the difference between the two, the more likely we are to resolve conflicts with ease. Today, look for opportunities to notice the difference in the...

Trainer Tip: In Compassionate Communication, we consider needs to be universal. That means that while we all have the same needs, such as for love, support, shelter, food, joy, caring, etc., we choose different ways to meet our needs.

Trainer Tip: When considering your "deal breakers" consider what you want from a relationship rather than how it will look. For instance, maybe my need for abundance can be met by someone who is independently wealthy, so he doesn’t have to “have a good job”. When you shift your focus from strategies to needs, you may be pleasantly surprised what the universe brings. Read on for more.

Trainer Tip: In a Compassionate Communication process, we believe there are enough resources in the Universe to meet all of our needs. Most people are stumped because they can only see one strategy for meeting a need. Identify one need that you would like to experience more of and make a list of at least five strategies for meeting it today.

Join CNVC Certified Trainer Arnina Kashtan as she explores enemy images to increase your capacity to embrace life more fully. Free yourself from the “us-them” paradigm and experience true compassion for the people whose actions most trouble you.

In this book excerpt, Kathleen and Jared offer a path to reach deeper clarity, distinguishing between response and reaction.

Trainer Tip: Someone’s strategy for meeting needs may look different from yours, but it doesn’t mean they aren’t meeting them. This can happen when they appear to be messy and disorganized, but from their perspective they have it organized. It's just less apparent to you how they have organized it. Read on for a related anecdote.

Receiving anger from another can be a reactive trigger for many of us. In this brief segment, Arnina provides us a strategy for staying in the conversation instead of physically leaving.

Ask the Trainer: "I'm practicing with 'transforming the pain of unmet needs into the beauty of the need.' In identifying my unmet needs, I come up with 'fairness.' However, fairness isn't on the needs list! I'm wondering what needs might be underneath 'fairness.'"

Ask the Trainer: For many years I have been using crime and punishment (reward and consequences) to discipline because it was the only thing I knew. I knew deep in my heart it was alienating me...

Trainer Tip: "I often hear people say that someone did something because of a need for control. Control is actually a strategy that is often confused with a need."