Welcome to the NVC Library

Roxy Manning shares that facilitating equitable group dynamics involves tracking attention, needs, purpose alignment, resources, and impact. Identifying patterns in attention distribution, centered needs, and maintaining alignment with the purpose enhances inclusivity. Tracking internal and external resources, especially considering identity-related differences, prevents disparities. Recognizing who bears the impact, providing support, and addressing impactful issues contribute to fostering an equitable facilitation environment.

Are you finding yourself grappling with the NVC model despite your familiarity or practice? Do you often feel stuck or find it challenging to make it feel natural or authentic in your interactions?

Let CNVC Certified Trainer, Dian Killian, guide you towards embodying the essence of NVC—a mindset of connection and collaborative engagement. Through her expertise, you'll discover invaluable insights tailored to make your NVC practice truly your own. From uncovering intuitive methods to discern feelings and needs, to seamlessly integrating NVC principles into your everyday speech, Dian empowers you with insider tips for authentic connection.

Building relationships happens through dialogue and understanding the deeper meaning behind the words spoken. It’s about active listening that focuses on feelings and needs so you may truly comprehend the speaker’s message. In this video, Duke introduces two components of communication and how the restorative dialogue process supports mutual understanding.

In this snippet from Duke Duchscherer's course, Restorative Dialogues: Transforming Conflict, Building Community Resilience, he shares a structured approach for conflict resolution or communication facilitation. It involves a facilitator guiding a conversation between two parties in conflict. The process begins with one party expressing their perspective while the other listens actively. The facilitator then prompts the listener to paraphrase what they heard, ensuring mutual understanding. This cycle continues until both parties feel heard. Subsequently, the facilitator encourages them to discuss potential solutions collaboratively. Once both sides are satisfied, the session concludes, with participants potentially swapping roles for further practice. The aim is for everyone involved to gain experience in effective communication and conflict resolution.

Trainer Tip: Research shows long-term change comes when people have intrinsic desire to change. Extrinsic motivation is temporary and often only lasts while we're observed (eg. driving the speed limit when police are there). Notice where you're mostly intrinsically or extrinsically motivated. How does this feel? For instance, do you call mom because you want to connect with her? Or because you’re worried she’ll be hurt if you don’t?

In parenting, Roxy Manning notes the tendency for self-judgment and external judgment. Roxy suggests that being a single parent or a working parent influences your ability to implement parenting strategies. The importance of assessing the feasibility of strategies in one's current life context is emphasized. Roxy encourages self-compassion and mourning the gap between desired and achievable outcomes. Her message encourages understanding personal constraints and practicing self-compassion in parenting.

Yoram Mosenzon shares an exercise and demo to explore the process of identifying observations and using judgements (jackals) to find the needs.

Children interpret and create meaning from everything they observe. They form a narrative about themselves and their place in the world. Roxy Manning shares how the stories of parents contribute to this narrative. Roxy shares a personal story where she, in an attempt to highlight her son's intellectual gifts, unintentionally influenced him to believe he couldn't do things on his own and wasn't smart. The impact of stories like this on a child's self-perception is long-lasting. Roxy urges us to consider the unintended messages that our words and actions may convey, as these narratives can be challenging to shift once established.

Aya Caspi, a Certified NVC Trainer discusses how the "story" we tell ourselves about human nature impacts our childhood and the roles we are taught to play in society.

Roxy Manning discusses the connection between the challenges parents face with their children and the qualities they want them to develop. She highlights the importance of aligning actions with desired outcomes, using the example that if parents value independence, they should encourage choice rather than demanding compliance. She encourages parents to consider the long-term impact of their parenting choices on shaping their children's future behavior.

So many of us have a habitual response of trying to eliminate uncertainty and the arrival of what we don't want. Alternatively, we can embrace the irreducible uncertainty of life. This shift from resistance and helplessness to mourning allows acceptance of outcomes, reduction of stress, and opens the door to noticing and appreciating what's present and available amidst challenges.

Marshall Rosenberg used to talk about every situation with the same level of joy a child might feel. This may seem impossible at first! But when you focus on all the ways something is hard, you miss out on the full experience and remove your sense of choice. In this video, Mary shares several benefits of positivity and lots of examples along the way. 

Trainer Tip: When in a conflict that doesn’t seem to have a solution being aware of your needs, and then being creative and flexible about getting them met, can go a long way to coming up with creative solutions that work for everyone.

Differentiation means you can access both autonomy and intimacy in relationships. When you're unafraid to lose yourself or be controlled, you can feel deeply connected and affected, while standing strong in yourself. Differentiation also means ability to tolerate disharmony and differences, self-soothe, offer compassion, and set boundaries. Here, we'll focus on setting boundaries with monitoring eye contact and physical interaction, and interrupt our "helping".

What is empowered speech and how does it link to interdependence? How do you speak in a way that increases the chances of being heard and creates space where individuals are more inclined to listen and act? In this excerpt from the 2021 course, Working Together for Change, Itzel and Kathy explore how to do this by integrating empowered speech, attuned speech, and a commitment to maintaining connections.

In a workshop, a hesitant white neurodivergent man faced a triggering reaction from a Global Majority transgender man. Uncovering their backgrounds, the facilitator addressed family dynamics and exclusion. A repair exercise fostered empathy, challenging assumptions and emphasizing the importance of equitable facilitation for a richer group experience.

An anchor is something you turn your attention toward in order to interrupt reactivity and access a non-reactive, expansive perspective. Though it doesn't make the reactivity go away, it allow you the internal space to choose to not behave from reactivity. In this practice exercise learn more about anchors, plus how to create and use them.

Join Aya Caspi, a Certified NVC Trainer, as she delves into the difficult topic of parenting, childhood trauma, and social status. She discusses the generational impact of being labeled by society as "less than" or subservient. The wounds of childhood trauma can be healed so they no longer are a means of control by a dominant culture.

Read here about patriarchy as a system, its impact on men and women, how its rooted in separation and control, leading to dominance and submission. Under patriarchy, even men are brutalized. Instead, we can embrace nonviolence to challenge patriarchy and its offspring (eg. capitalism, child trafficking, etc). And to make a lifelong commitment to undo socialization, act within our influence, and work towards liberation of all.

Roxy Manning discusses the need to expand our understanding of observations within Nonviolent Communication (NVC). She challenges the idea of objective observation, noting its limitations, and introduces internal observations, citing personal experiences to illustrate their influence on emotions and self-perception. Additionally, she emphasizes systemic awareness as a crucial aspect of observation, highlighting its importance in understanding broader societal issues. Overall, Roxy advocates for a comprehensive approach to observations in NVC, incorporating external, internal, and systemic perspectives to foster inclusivity and empathy.