Welcome to the NVC Library

Being self-responsible is about empowerment — via noticing what is potentially in our locus of control, getting to know ourselves better, looking at our own role in how we experience life, and making conscious choices to act within our own power. This requires us to be mindful in relating our stories to our needs. Read on for more on this, and the various pifalls within thinking about self responsibility.

• self responsibility
• NVC pitfalls
• blame 
• presence
• mindfulness
• Bob Wentworth

If you’re interested in improving your relationships, advancing in your career, or enhancing your capacity for change in life in general, communication is a powerful lever. Presence, listening, bringing curiosity and care, focusing on what matters, and pausing with silence, are all key. Read on for five foundational and advanced core practices you can start using today to improve your communication.

This article was originally published on Oren's Website: https://www.orenjaysofer.com

Keywords:

• listening
• presence
• attention
• openhearted
• communication
• practices
• Applied NVC
• NVC consciousness
• Oren Sofer
• Oren Jay Sofer

Using the example of being met with chronic lateness, here are three steps to setting boundaries early in a dating situation or relationship.

Keywords:

• dating
• boundaries
• punctuality
• conflict
• argument
• saying no
• LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
• Elia Lowe Charde

In the face of stress you can find ways to be present for what’s happening, rather than being pulled or pushed around by anxious thoughts or fearful feelings. Here are some strategies to return to and maintain expanded awareness.

• Anxiety
• Stress
• Grounded
• Centered
• Resourced
• Reactivity
• Fear
• Pause
• Practice
• LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
• Elia Lowe Charde

"All humans share the same needs" -- tragically, this idea can hide the reality that some people with less power in society have needs that go unmet to a greater extent, much longer, and with more dire consequences. Often, when they marginalized bring up experiences related to their membership in a certain group, their pain isn't acknowledged, and focus shifts to the listener's discomfort. The concept of universal human needs can be used to silence and minimize their pain. Read on for how to proceed.

• inequality
• NVC myth
• minority
• privilege
• power
• equity
• needs
• groups
• impact
• erasure
• oppression
• norms
• dominant culture
• social responsibility
• systemic
• inclusion
• marginalization
• justice
• Roxy Manning
• Roxanne Manning

We can't, alone (nor with lone communities) transform the hidden structures of violence and domination. Dialogue alone isn't disruptive enough. We can easily be in dialogue with Trump supporters while the planet burns up, millions are still hungry, and we go extinct. NVC seriously risks reinforcing vast inequities and abuses if we're not radically engaging systemic constraints, and impacts of our choices that go beyond our immediate circle. Read on for ways to leverage NVC practices to expand true social change.

Read Part 1 here.

• social change
• protective use of force
• society
• systemic
• individualism
• extinction
• civil disobedience
• MLK
• Martin Luther King
• Gandhi
• Marshall Rosenberg
• NVC myth
• dialogue
• injustice
• power
• privilege
• inequity
• colonialism
• money
• economic
• domination
• community
• world crisis
• self sufficiency
• personal & political
• societal critique
• status quo
• Miki Kashtan

This pandemic is an immense opportunity, and a dire catastrophe in the making. It’s a crisis within many planetary crises — during which, our habits as individuals, and as a collective, are challenged because they don’t sustain us. Now we are pushed to respond freshly and join forces in ways that seemed impossible before.

This article is part 1/10 from the "Apart and Together" series.

• Crisis
• Pandemic
• COVID-19
• Social change
• Power
• Privilege
• Marginalization
• Individualism
• Systemic
• Society
• Miki Kashtan

Our world is facing stressful times. And the more stress you experience, the less resourced you can become. But consider that you're not messed up, but rather, the challenges you bear is a response to manufactured environments and culture that are more hostile than they are kind towards our human souls and bodies. And so, let’s be clear. Let’s be discerning. Let’s be compassionate. Let’s pay attention.

• attention
• discernment
• Stress
• Personal development
• Self sufficiency
• Society
• World crisis
• Societal critique
• COVID-19
• Rachelle Lamb

As social beings we thrive with social contact and community. Thus, with the social isolation and a loss of routine that is happening in the COVD-19 pandemic, there are three critical areas to keep in mind everyday: emotional-physiological regulation, self-empathy for fear and anxiety, and meaningful engagement. 

• COVID-19
• covid
• coronavirus
• pandemic
• anxiety
• fear
• isolation
• emotional regulation
• self-empathy
• LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
• Elia Lowe Charde

During a crisis like the COVID-19 pandemic, we can draw upon inner and outer resources: gratitude, awareness of our senses and breath, plus compassion for self and others. We can also expand our understanding to curtail fear -- and limit the amount of time and energy we spend fighting and resisting the truth of what’s happening.

This article was originally published on Oren's Website: https://www.orenjaysofer.com

• Resilience
• Crisis
• COVID-19
• Pandemic
• Mindfulness
• Oren Sofer
• Oren Jay Sofer

When someone wants to speak angrily about another, do you want to move away, try to calm them, argue, set a boundary, or offer empathy? What supports you to stay self connected? You can set boundaries regarding listening so that you're less likely to defend the other party, or attempt to talk your friend down from their judgments, thereby escalating the situation. Disagreements can also ignite curiosity and celebration. Read on for more.

Keywords:

• anger
• reactivity
• collusion
• boundaries
• defensive
• venting
• listening
• LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
• Elia Lowe Charde

How much money to pay? And how much money to ask for? The supply and demand logic basically say that we ask for the most that “the market can absorb” and pay “the least that we can get away with.” We can instead, we can engage in experiments that focus on connecting to and satisfying needs. We can also engage with our varying degrees of access to resources within the existing economy and consider how we want to make choices about resources, especially when we have access to power.

Keywords:

• money
• privilege
• power
• income inequality
• equity
• gift economy
• Miki Kashtan

Here are 16 helpful requests you can make before you're swept up in your own reactivity.

Keywords:

• reactivity
• requests
• connection requests
• pause
• boundaries
• argument
• conflict
• LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
• Elia Lowe Charde

The more we can stay present with our hurt, and own our interpretations, we are more likely to express what's important to us without blame and also to become resilient. From there, the listener can have more space to offer their full presence and empathy. Read on for more.

Keywords:

• jealousy
• blame
• self responsibility
• fault
• hurt
• Miki Kashtan

People find confrontation inspirational when done with full compassion and intention to support. To do this, transform your own judgments or distress, come with useful content plus spot-on timing, and the best interests of the receiver in mind. Read on for questions you can ask yourself in preparation for this, and more.

Keywords:

• judgment
• feedback
• nagging
• conflict
• confrontation
• Martha Lasley

Unhook from a reactive dynamic, by staying with your needs and requests, and release attachment to outcome. Start by shifting your attention from the other person to get clear on what's true for you. Read on for strategies to transform reactivity, possible boundary setting behaviors, typical signs of escalation, and more.

Keywords:

• boundaries
• reactivity
• escalation
• conflict
• honest expression
• LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
• Elia Lowe Charde

The “mind” or our “ego” are often depicted as a static entity, an unchangable part of human nature, and as obstacles or negative parts of ourselves to overcome. This view creates maligning, a split within us, while remaining invisibly part and parcel of authority-based societies --the dominant culture and institutions into which we are born. Instead, I want to advocate an integration of reason and emotion, mind and heart, plus self and others.

Keywords:

• ego
• mind
• culture
• socialization
• domination
• society
• transcendence
• Miki Kashtan

One clue we have trauma is when we respond in a way we don't want (eg. being reactive, self sabotaging, etc). Even when we have high level NVC skills our trauma-related mechanisms can activate, and we can lose access to well honed NVC skills. Read on for approaches that involve healing trauma, and approaches that involve managing the effects of trauma and preventing additional trauma.

• trauma
• reactivity
• self sabotage
• healing
• self care
• group dynamics
• group container
• emotional safety
• NVC pitfalls
• Bob Wentworth

Reducing overwhelm requires you to reconnect with your authentic choice, be present and compassionate with what's happening, heal trauma, and interrupt the trauma response. Read on for ways that may help you reconnect with your choice, presence and more on trauma.

Keywords:

• stress
• busy
• overwhelm
• authenticity
• LaShelle Lowe-Chardé
• Elia Lowe Charde

Why is it so difficult to not take things personally? It's because everything reinforces the sense that whatever is being said is indeed about us – both from without and from within. However, we can get better at not taking things personally with a practice of shifting our focus by being open to multiple interpretations, understanding that our reaction is about our own need, and noticing how the other person’s words, no matter how they sound to us, are an expression of their needs. We can then be more present and available to navigate the situation.

Keywords:

• defensiveness
• argue
• conflict prevention
• accusation
• enmeshment
• reactivity
• Miki Kashtan