

Search Results: asking
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Join LoraKim Joyner to investigate how merging science, the social and emotional intelligence of humans, animals and other species and Nonviolent Communication can bring a greater sense of belonging and wholeness to your life, and care and justice to the lives of others.
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That is my mantra this year. It came to me when I was headed somewhere to do something that I had wanted to do, and yet I was feeling annoyed about it because traffic was heavy and overwhelming. I then gave myself a few moments of self-empathy where I connected to the deeper needs that were propelling me to do the thing in the first place. In an instant, my annoyance and looming resentment slipped away and I felt happy and relaxed.
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Eric Bowers explains how needs and strategies correlate to different brain hemispheres, and how relaxing into our needs opens us to greater possibilities.
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Eric offers some tips for nurturing and affirming ourselves as a daily practice.
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Trainer tip: When we focus on needs further possibilities are more likely to open up. When we focus on a particular strategy, our world can feel scarce and conflicts can arise. Resolution comes when we value everyone’s needs and seek mutually satisfying solutions. We can ask for support towards this outcome.
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- Learn concrete tools for engaging with others as you embrace individual and collective liberation
- Find your own source of choice even in the face of challenges
- Release the constriction of scarcity
- Find an empowered option to respond to what is happening in our world
- Open the door to the possibility of thriving rather than merely surviving
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Trainer Tip: People tend to look, act, and sound softer when they have been more fully heard. If you're unsure whether someone has been heard and you want to be cautious, you may ask them, “Is there anything else you’d like me to hear?”. If you try to reason with or educate them before they're heard, they'll likely respond negatively. After they're heard, you may notice a willingness on their part to listen and proceed.
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Trainer Tip: In our effort to be heard, we often forget to listen. In fact, your need to be heard will not be met completely until you have heard how what you said affects the other person. If we want to ensure that we're heard we can ask the other person to reflect what they heard us say. And we can hear what's going on with them. It is important to remember that a dialogue is not complete until both people have been heard.
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Judgment is an attempt to protect from hopelessness or insecurity, at high cost. Instead, check in with fear, grief, or hurt. Then wonder what needs are at stake for everyone. This makes space for grief instead of anger, for negotiation rather than control, and for "calling in" rather than excluding. Wonder: “For whom would this be life-serving or not?”, “What strategies would care for all needs?” or, “What can I contribute now?”
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Some questions will take you deeper and deeper to universal human needs when you toggle between them. Questions like “What do I need?”, “If I had that, then what would I have?”, and “If I had that, what would that give me?”
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So often we're habituated to associate a “why” question with being reproached, blamed or shamed – and so defensiveness arises. However, in order to maintain a flow of understanding and collaboration, we need to hear and say the “why” while finding other ways to ask for it. Here we look at how to ask questions that bring each of us vital information that can open up discovery and learning, for our mutual benefit.
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Rita learns the power of silent empathy while visiting her daughter and offering unsolicited advice.
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Kathleen Macferran guides you to bring NVC into daily life and break old patterns.
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Miki works with a course participant to transform begrudging attendance at a mandatory meeting into the possibility for collaboration, more connection where little is expected and focus on clarity of purpose for meeting in the first place.
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Trainer Tip: Using NVC as a tool to transform our judgments can revolutionize our perceptions and relationships.
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Last year, I planted my vegetable garden in February. It was an enormous amount of work to get it ready. This year, we decided to move the garden farther away from trees (to avoid the ongoing tree root issue and allow more sun). So, we created 4 new beds. Now, they are ready to be planted, and yet… forward momentum has stalled.
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Trainer Tip: To defuse anger and create space for resolution, hear the other person’s feelings and needs. If this practice is new to you, you're like to experience fear and resistance in trying it out. However, you'll be more likely to experience a powerful shift, and build your capacity, if you try it anyways.
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Trainer Tip: Be aware of opportunities today to choose empathizing over arguing with someone who is angry, and notice how it affects your ability to resolve the situation. Read on for more.

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