Dear Friend,

That is my mantra this year. It came to me when I was headed somewhere to do something that I had wanted to do, and yet I was feeling annoyed about it because traffic was heavy and overwhelming. I then gave myself a few moments of self-empathy where I connected to the deeper needs that were propelling me to do the thing in the first place. In an instant, my annoyance and looming resentment slipped away and I felt happy and relaxed.

As soon as I remember that I have choice and I connect with the needs behind my actions, my resentments evaporate. Sometimes, I will change my action when I connect with the underlying needs, or I ask the other person (if there is someone else involved) if we can do something different. 

Do something different? Like what, you may ask?

Start the activity a little later, do it tomorrow, do it earlier, do something else entirely different, invite someone else to join us, do it for a shorter period of time, do it for a longer period of time, do it after I’ve had time for a 15-minute nap…

The possibilities are endless. They really are.

In this particular moment of mine, I chose to send a text to let the group know I was running 15 minutes behind schedule… but I still could not relax. So, five minutes later, I decided to send another text with a new ETA of 30 minutes behind schedule. I instantly relaxed. I believed that I had plenty of time to meet the 30-minute deadline, which allowed me to let go of my annoyance that I was running late, helped me to relax behind the wheel, breathe deeply, and find a way to navigate the heavy traffic flow with ease.

I have choice…

The trick for me is to first remember that I have choice.

Second, to connect with needs.

Third, to take 100% responsibility for my next actions.

It sounds easy, and I know it’s not. Either way, this is where I am headed this year. I am in 100% choice and it is my job to remember it.

I have choice…

And so do you. May we remember it this year as often as possible, no matter what other people do.

Sending warmth your way, 

Mary Mackenzie
CEO, NVC Academy
CNVC Certified Trainer