Welcome to the NVC Library

Want to manage more effectively with more ease and joy and get your staff to make changes? The first, crucial step is to learn how to change your behavior to impact what's happening. For example, we can get the inner clarity we need to reframe questions we ask ourselves, recap, make clear requests, give concrete feedback, etc. This article expands on how self-management can increase influence...

We're more likely to sacrifice trust, connection, and relationship quality when (1.) We use NVC to focus on being seen, understood, heard, or meeting our own needs in a way that eclipses our view and understanding of others needs; (2.) We don't clearly examine our intentions; and (3.) We use the NVC form so rigidly that it becomes difficult for others to connect with us authentically.

Our "felt-sense" can provide crucial information about our experience and our lives. It can also help us integrate and retain information. This can also bring greater access to internal resources, choice, open heartedness, collaboration and creative solutions. From there, profound insight and transformation can follow. Here's how we can harness that...

Here's an inspiring story of one citizen (the author) who faced a police officer and judge in court to contest a transit ticket... and inspired structural changes in the way one aspect of New York City transit operates. She inspires change with her application of empathy for self and others, acknowledgement, connecting requests -- and an inspiring vision of understanding, shared reality and living in a city where people have some trust in one another's intentions.

How do we live each and every day from the “living energy of needs” – with the unimpeded fullness of life’s energies flowing through us, regardless of the conflicts or life circumstances we may be experiencing? Through developing deep self-compassion. How can we experience our inner world from a place of utter and total compassion? When we practice compassionate self-care, we create an inner spaciousness that allows our life’s energies to flow. In that spaciousness both healing and inner transformation occurs. Robert’s work explores the interweaving of two co-intentions—to live life from the fullness of the “beauty of needs” and to approach every experience with deep compassion.

How can we live life fully connected to the core values of nonviolence, no matter the circumstances, internal or external? Join Miki Kashtan as she shares the 17 core commitments that have served as a compass for herself and hundreds of others around the world as well.

John Kinyon and Matthew Rich examine the ways in which people’s worldviews can be different and why this often creates conflict.

The more we practice NVC by “rote” --going through OFNR (“Observations, Feelings, Needs, Requests”) on automatic-- the more likely our NVC practice would lead to disconnection.  The purpose of our NVC practice is to use this NVC "map" (OFNR) to support us in integrating the consciousness of the NVC (eg. operating with the intention to connect, collaborate, etc).  Once we let the map drop away, we can engage with the people in our lives in a more heartfelt way.  This article explains more about how we can use the map to remind us of our  heartfelt consciousness...

The awareness and practice of interdependence is integral to holding an NVC consciousness. Practicing interdependence also means bringing in a quality of care in the moments we want to change agreements with others. This article talks about where our various choices, in regards to changing agreements, fits into different levels of engaging our interdependence.

The impulse to say "I love you" is an opportunity to check-in both with our level of presence (eg. are we saying it by rote?) and also with what we really mean in that moment (eg. what are the needs and real purpose deep beneath the word "love"?).  This can invite us to explore a deeper, more heartfelt way of communicating and being...

Sometimes even a very skilled empathy practicitioner can go into offering a non-empathic response, even when asked for empathy.  Why?  One reason could be that our brains might be less receptive because of unseen forces that affect our brain and relationship with others.  This article speaks to the deeper "why" and also to one thing we could do to turn it around...

When building successful relationships, it can be very helpful to see yourself as a collection of different inner parts that developed due to various life experiences. Without empathy and acknowledgment, our inner parts tend to work against us. That's when we're called upon to build and develop our inner leadership...

Listen to Mary tackle one of the greatest challenges of facilitating an NVC group: How do you deal with hecklers and people you don't like? Mary offers insightful tips and helpful guidance.

What parts of yourself or others are hard to embrace, understand or even notice?  What parts do others have difficulty embracing, understanding or noticing?  Why do we condemn, loathe, hate, deny, judge, blame or feel shame around certain needs, feelings and parts of self and/or others? This article talks about the hidden parts of ourselves and others that shapes views and behaviours.

Why does NVC practice, and NVC training/coaching, appear to be not enough to bridge divides between people? This article takes a look at the trickle down effect of our societal conditioning, what we can add to our NVC lense, and what we can do "upstream" when NVC doesn't seem to be enough. Additionally, the article talks about unseen constraints that men, women and minority groups face in organizational settings...

When does identifying our or others' needs become a coping mechanism that hides the real problems that go unaddressed, and thereby reinforcing problems?  This article zooms out to take a look at how dealing with our needs in the absence of the larger picture can inadvertertly support unhealthy ways of operating, rather than become a healthy solution.  It asks us to see what could be hidden -- both on the personal and societal levels.

According to this article, what we do before we move into the NVC dance profoundly influences the outcome and everyone involved.  This "before" step increases the likelihood of living compassionately, and our support openness to outcome.  It can also make our NVC practice less connecting, and more evaluative.  The article addresses these points and talks about ways to move beyond the dead past, and the imagined future, to step into the the only “time and place” that both NVC operates and that the connection we so fervently want actually exists (ie. the present moment).

Want to expand your needs vocabulary, and build your capacity to identify needs — even when you’ve been triggered? Check out Mary’s powerful teaching on Self-Empathy.

Some people in the NVC community consider the words "privilege" and "power" triggering and/or evaluative. From this perspective, how can the concepts of "privilege" and "power" be considered part of the NVC teaching?  This writing piece examines the power and privilege debate.  It also discusses what the author sees as Marshall Rosenberg and Gandhi's stance on the subject...

What's really going on underneath the surface when we bring or encounter blame, judgements, pain -- and thereby the inability to empathize, be present, attuned, or responsive?  Why does this happen even if one or more people in a relationship dynamic is working hard at bringing in an NVC response? This article addresses these and more questions from the perspective of how our brains are affected in our relationships.