Welcome to the NVC Library

Trainer Tip: When have you responded in a way you didn’t want? How could you have handled that situation differently? What would have better met your needs? Try not to judge your behavior, but learn from it. Each time we review our actions, we can learn something, become more adept at new skills, and come closer to our ideal. We can do this with the learning curve of practicing translating people’s words into feelings and needs.

Some things may seem to take longer at first, but end up making things easier and faster. Other things seem easier or faster in the short term, but end up taking more time in the long run. This applies to projects, group agreements about process, relationships, addressing conflicts, clearing up misunderstandings, damage control, etc. It can be faster to slow down, be more present, and take the time since we care about the outcome.

How often do you find yourself stuck between two options? Do you go with option A or option B and what if it's a complicated decision that involves more than just a quick thought process? In this Life Hack we guide you through a process you can use when facing a difficult decision with a simple 5 step process, this meditation should leave you feeling more at peace and with more clarity on moving forward.

This meditation also brings in elements of brainstorming and ideation, so as well as reflecting on your needs, once the process is finished we hope you find some fresh ideas of ways to move forward.

Anger, guilt, shame, and shutdown are often based on reactivity and “should” thinking. They narrow and distort perceptions, which can bring more suffering. So instead, feel them without resistance, nor acting on them. Bring clarity by naming your observables and thoughts, plus your underlying vulnerable feelings, needs and self-responsibility. Then mourn what needs were, or are, unmet. Only then choose what actions to meet needs.

Trainer Tip: Whether we listen to our own or the other person’s needs first, connecting to needs can help us release judgments of others, see their humanness, help us to begin to hear them and ultimately connect to them. Be aware today of times when you are judging someone. Then be aware of your own needs to improve your connection to them.

How do you build new learning paths and change old practices? Listen as David presents the elements of somatic practice‚ including those that build new learning paths‚ and discover where that learning "sweet spot" is!

Our everyday personal experiences of diminishment, and the destruction of our planet has a through-line. Societal traumas lead to us shutting down to avoid pain, and this limits us. The avoidance shifts our brains so we don’t see other beings, species and our planet as wondrous, precious and irreplaceable. Thus, we meet others with diminishment, oblivion, or abuse; trauma keeps passing on. This leads to being blind and mute, and to othering based on social location, and to destruction of our planet.

The highest leverage point for effective meetings is preparing with self inquiry. Before saying something, we can ask ourselves about who this is serving, what needs it serves to say it, if there is a request we want to make, how to make the request actionable, and more. If more people at meetings do this, it can reduce the overall number of tangents we experience at meetings.

Trainer Tip: Thinking someone is bad, wrong, or evil can make it more difficult to connect with them. If we focus on this kind of thinking, we stay in the problem or conflict. The minute we step out of judgement and listen for the needs underlying their actions, we begin working for the solution. Put your focus in the direction of the result you want. Read on for an example.

How do you carry on a conversation when someone’s comment has had an impact on you? And what happens when two intentions clash because of different perspectives? Here’s Roxy’s powerful, common sense approach.

Avoiding conflict is an even greater issue than having conflict. Not being as competent at conflict we avoid it. And in many cases that creates more conflict. Conflict is inevitable because we have different perspectives. Conflict is not bad. It is an opportunity for increased connection, intimacy, joy, and creative win-win solutions. Instead of avoiding conflict, we can work on increasing our skill in handling conflict.

Even those who practice NVC can repeat old patterns of thinking, believing, feeling, and behaving. If they do, but still use ‘NVC language’ others may think the issue is NVC rather than the person’s capacity. This week, notice even a small instance where someone is against something you suggest. To build trust and connection, experiment with offering empathy or asking them to share what they think, feel, or need.

Trainer Tip: Whether there is the potential of physical or emotional violence, listening deeply to the underlying needs of the people in conflict can be swift, direct, and healing. Look for opportunities to defuse conflicts by reflecting the feelings and needs of the other person.

The heart of the practice of nonviolence is a commitment to live through the powerful combination of compassion, fierceness, and courage, with an uncompromising willingness to stand for truth. Join Miki Kashtan for this exciting and informative course to learn how to practically embrace nonviolence.

Some questions will take you deeper and deeper to universal human needs when you toggle between them. Questions like “What do I need?”, “If I had that, then what would I have?”, and “If I had that, what would that give me?”

Trainer Tip: Requests include a specific action to help us get our needs met. If we have a complaint or in conflict, and we don’t make specific requests, people are left guessing and/or wondering about what will meet our needs. Our chances for getting our needs met can then become limited. Instead, try ending with a request to let the other person know exactly what you would like to happen.

Sometimes life gets so busy that even the things you enjoy seem to go by without you receiving that feeling of joy. It's important that even when we are busy to celebrate life to the full. In this month's Life Hack Gesine explores 7 things to keep in mind when remembering to celebrating life.

When you attempt to make a request what limiting beliefs come up? See if you recognize any from this list. Then compassionately observe your body sensations, impulses, feelings, needs, memories, energy, and images. In making the request ensure your request is connected to your needs, is doable, what you want, and not attached to them saying yes.

Listen in as Dian shares her tips and sense of urgency around bringing NVC skills to work: 1) How to use your imagination (visualization!) to help you connect with somatic responses and needs; and 2) Five built-in advantages to sharing NVC in the work place.