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Even in a conflict, you can offer emotional safety without being enmeshed -- and you can do this without sliding into strategies to gain power over another. You can prioritize connection, express your intention, make space for mutuality, honestly reveal what you care about and propose a way forward. This means caring for your needs regardless of their response -- and mourning if their response isn't what you want. Read on for more.
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- Integrate the underlying principles of NVC into your daily life
- Create a daily practice of self empathy and connecting to needs
- Strengthen your own personalized set of NVC skills
- Increase your sense of power in the world
- Deepen connection with yourself and those in your life
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- Learn how to transform NVC into a tool for systemic awareness and healing
- Examine the influence of difference, and uncover pathways that strengthen its capacity
- Learn to receive and offer feedback on impact in situations fraught with power differences
- Explore specific ways in which NVC systemically supports the full flowering of humanity
- Delve into the dynamics of cultural differences, and discover how NVC can systemically contribute to a liberation perspective
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Building your body and mind awareness can help you better regulate/calm your emotions. Regular self-empathy will help you better regulate your emotions as well as increase your body and mind awareness. If you are not aware of amygdala activation (fight/flight/freeze response), you will react instead of responding with choice. Use this eight-step process to develop your self-empathy/regulation skills.
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In this book excerpt, Kathleen and Jared offer a path to reach deeper clarity, distinguishing between universal needs and strategies.
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- Move beyond anger, blame and judgment…
- Make sense of the baffling or offensive people in your life…
- Deepen your compassion for yourself and others… and
- Transform your old thought and speaking patterns into new ones that inspire harmony and fun!
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Trainer Tip: We all want to be valued in our totality, to be loved even when we make mistakes. Wouldn’t we also like to offer this to ourselves? Compassion is about seeing the humanness in everyone, including ourselves. One way to express compassion is to remember your entire relationship and history of love with someone as a whole, rather than focusing on one disappointing incident.
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- Find intuitive guidance for bridging divides
- Connect to deep needs that have been habitually ignored
- Discharge the anxiety held in old, embodied reactions
- Make decisions and take actions that align with your values
- Cultivate resources for more enjoyably and more capably building relationships
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- Gain a new, surprising, and exciting connection to yourself that will enable you to both deepen the sense of power in your life and actualize everything you've always dreamed of…
- Experience being fully present in the world — despite your habits — so that you'll always be connected to your inner center and thus be able to choose at any given moment where to take your life…
- Understand how to create within yourself (and others!) a sense of flow and love, making your life much more beautiful and exciting…
- Learn how to open up in your relationships in ways you never thought would be possible, creating an entirely different closeness and intimacy in your life…
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Listen to Jim and Jori ask each other about the role of gratitude in their daily activities as they share how gratitude can be a primary tool to help us stay present and at peace.
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How is trust best supported? Do you know what you do to contribute to making it easier or more difficult for others to express the truth (even in the most mundane moments)? Smaller requests can also built trust over time if they're rooted in the present moment, and are specific enough. Learn more about building trust...
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Conversation can become more satisfying with depth. Depth is occurs when connection unfolds towards a depth of intimacy, presence, attunement, sensing -- and silent attentive connection where another is attentively seen and heard. Inviting this level of sharing in conversation relies on at least three major elements: attentive silence, the desire to connect and be known, and focus on present moment experience. Learn more about this way of engaging.
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To tell the difference between empathy and investigation, watch for distinctions along four different dimensions: energy, subject, intention and trust. These distinctions can help us engage awareness and skill to meet your needs and respond to others’ needs in more direct ways. The more you meet your needs in conscious and direct ways, the more present you can be for others. Read on for more about how to do this.
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We can dream and wait for the day to do things differently, or we can continually take steps towards the future of our dreams as though it were here now. The future will not be significantly different from the present if we all act as if change is not possible or only possible after it's already happened. Instead, we can immediately consider everything we do as the possible seed of change beyond our wildest dreams and vision.
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Why is it so difficult to not take things personally? It's because everything reinforces the sense that whatever is being said is indeed about us – both from without and from within. However, we can get better at not taking things personally with a practice of shifting our focus by being open to multiple interpretations, understanding that our reaction is about our own need, and noticing how the other person’s words, no matter how they sound to us, are an expression of their needs. We can then be more present and available to navigate the situation.
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Here's guidance on how to approach your inner experience when triggered or stuck in a distressing life experience. Self-Compassion in life can be experienced as: "There is room for life experience in me. There is an open space for ‘what is’ to be fully present in my inner experience". This exercise is more about tracing your felt experience than verbalizing it.
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Jori and Jim Manske explore strengthening your empathy "muscle" for your own well being. Empathy can be a means to strengthen your own resilience, as well as being present for another person.
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When we care about our cause and want to mitigate disaster, we may become reactive. However, transformation comes through connection, rather than convincing, judging, criticising, controlling, and making demands of others. To inspire change, get curious about how they relate to the topic – and get support for yourself elsewhere to process grief, become more present and compassionate, speak self-responsibly, and make requests.
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Duke Duchscherer shares what the role of the facilitator is in a restorative circle.
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Yvette Erasmus suggests that making peace with our feelings reduces suffering. Sometimes we want to hurry through our feelings and just feel better.

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