Reactivity can harm relationships, but there are three keys to prevent or dissolve reactivity: discernment (recognize reactivity and interrupting it), transparency (express feelings and wants honestly and making simple requests), support for conscious connection (remind ourselves to practice prioritizing connection in interactions). Practice these to maintain fulfilling relationships and reduce...

With practice we can prevent reactivity from overtaking and harming: notice signs of reactivity, bring compassion to it, see reactivity as the misperception of threat and a distortion of what's happening, plus engage and pursue connection and the clarity to weaken reactive impulses. In taking responsibility like this overtime, you can live from your values and from care. And life can get easier...

Tolerating reactivity, name-calling, blaming, guilt-tripping, or stonewalling can lead to resentment and hurt. Plus, the more you stay in a reactive dynamic, the more you are likely to reinforce the pattern. Setting life-serving boundaries around reactivity is about letting another know that you aren’t going to participate in that kinds of dynamics. This means knowing what helps with handling...

Most reactivity in intimate relationships comes from a lack of confidence in maintaining intimacy, autonomy, or security. What may help is naming what's happening, interrupting shame, and anchoring or reassuring yourself. You can also reflect on the effects of acting from reactivity. Knowing what helps center you, ask your partner to do or say specific things that might help. Read on for more.

Here are 16 helpful requests you can make before you're swept up in your own reactivity.

Join CNVC Certified Trainers Jim and Jori Manske for this session that will help you minimize your reactivity and live in greater choice.

There's reactive anger - the sudden outbursts of words, temper or action that create a nervous system response in another. And then there's the anger that's a reaction to someone's anger -- a nervous system startle-response. Instead of either of these, we can learn to heal with empathy, look for unequal power dynamics, take responsibility to make repairs, and shift into the clean, life-serving,...

When there's quality connection then collaboration and creativity generosity of heart can come. Then strategies honoring everyone’s needs are easier. This requires us to trust connection, hear needs, brainstorm, experiment, prepare, and hold confidence that everyone’s needs can be met. Needs-based negotiation starts there. What derails this? Feeling urgency, listening from our (dis)likes or...

When we care about our cause and want to mitigate disaster, we may become reactive. However, transformation comes through connection, rather than convincing, judging, criticising, controlling, and making demands of others. To inspire change, get curious about how they relate to the topic – and get support for yourself elsewhere to process grief, become more present and compassionate, speak...

For each reactive pattern there is a perceived threat to a tender need. Knowing these tender needs helps us figure out how to interrupt these patterns and creating new ways of perceiving and relating to life. In addition to knowing the need, knowing the healing response and the primary reactive behavior helps with transformation.

Reactivity is the misperception of threat coupled with lack of access to compassion and wisdom. Sensitivity is an ability to deeply perceive data, plus consciously attend to and attune to data, as it comes through the five senses. It can be a gift. If you lack the skill to care for any of your sensitivity-overwhelm by setting boundaries, you may develop reactive habits, like suddenly...

Join Jim and Jori Manske in a thought experiment exercise designed to help us become more aware of our conditioning, allowing us to make more conscious and connected choices in the face of conflict.

In healing reactivity try identifying your most common complaints, wishes, or requests. Or when you tend to defend, justify, get angry, or protect. Find the tender needs. You can recall when you experienced deep nourishment of that need. Several times a week nourish your tender needs. Be clear about the strategy to address needs by answering key questions. Read on for more.

To shift reactivity by moving yourself from the position of experiencer to observer, name what’s happening. This can help you access other skills for managing reactivity. Also, create a strong emotional anchor.

An anchor is something you turn your attention toward in order to interrupt reactivity and access a non-reactive, expansive perspective. Though it doesn't make the reactivity go away, it allow you the internal space to choose to not behave from reactivity. In this practice exercise learn more about anchors, plus how to create and use them.

For this practice assume that reactivity is arising any time you are distracted and not enjoying something. Practice throughout the day by focusing your attention for a few moments on something specific that you find pleasing. Notice the sensation of joy or pleasure in your body, and hold attention there longer than usual. This interrupts tension and contraction. Keep remembering to do this....

An anchor awakens parts of you that can access a bigger perspective. Also, it can reduce your reactivity, increase conscious relating, and support self-compassion. An anchor helps you get a little bit bigger than the reactivity you are experiencing so that you can access a wiser discernment. It is simple, and can be done anytime and anywhere. Learn to direct your attention to develop your...

We each hold an internal model or set of expectations about how caring and comfort could be accessed in relationship. The ability to reflect upon and challenge our own dominant model of perceptions, beliefs, and behaviors --and to experience discomfort and vulnerability-- is a key feature of "security". If not, an "attachment reactivity" arises -- where sense of insecurity, separateness, and...

When we have an inner conflict, how can we bring ourselves closer where we want to be? Miki explains about how we can deepen our self understanding in a way that can transform our own reactivity, urges, and false either/or views -- so that we can bring in more presence, choice, and options.

Unhook from a reactive dynamic, by staying with your needs and requests, and release attachment to outcome. Start by shifting your attention from the other person to get clear on what's true for you. Read on for strategies to transform reactivity, possible boundary setting behaviors, typical signs of escalation, and more.