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  1. Tips for the Road Series Tip 11

    Tips for the Road Series Tip 11

    Catching Hearts

    Eric Bowers

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 9/17/2017

    When we take a leap in life and put our hearts out into the world in new or bigger ways—sharing a song, dance, or poem, writing a book, competing at a sporting event, giving a speech, and so on—there is greater potential for aliveness but also for shame and pain

  2. Much like other asymmetric relationships (such as therapist and client), there are complications related to power dynamics that can arise with any NVC trainer having sex with a participant. For one, there's (counter)transference. And there's potential for things that may not move outside this asymmetric relationship -- such as projections where the participant, and/or the trainer, is guided by un-healed pain of their "inner child".

  3. Searching Together For A Way Forward

    Searching Together For A Way Forward

    John Kinyon

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 9/27/2022

    It's tempting to shut down a heated conversation when it’s painful and overwhelming. What can give us strength to stay open to hearing and being moved, to being open to new possibility, is recalling the “triad of conversation.” The triad is self and other and then awareness on the third side of the conversation. Here we can return to connection, to what we share and need in common, to a searching together for the way forward.

  4. No Sacrifices, Please

    No Sacrifices, Please

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 9/15/2015

    Trainer Tip: Mary explains why success isn't dependent upon another person's pain, by reaching for consensus instead of self-sacrifice.

  5. Read how an American Buddhist NVC teacher with Jewish roots reflects on how any dehumanization in the Israel-Hamas conflict can be used to justify all kinds of violence that can escalate for generations. With acknowledgment of the complexities, his desire is for us to bring in respect, dignity and peace -- for both Israelis and Palestinians. He emphasizes compassionate advocacy of all humanity amid the ongoing crisis.

  6. The Power of Empathy

    The Power of Empathy

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 5/26/2014

    Trainer Tip: When someone is in pain and lashing out, might be a time when empathy is needed most. Empathizing in these moments can be very challenging. Mary offers a few words of ecouragement for these situations.

  7. Prepare for Love

    Prepare for Love

    (12 Session Course)

    Eric Bowers

    Multi-session Course · 9 hours, 7 minutes · 4/14/2017

    Join Eric Bowers in transforming past relationship pain, coming alive in community and creating thriving relationships. This 12 session Telecourse recording brings together Eric's passions for Nonviolent Communication, Attachment Theory and Interpersonal Neurobiology.

  8. What to do When Racial Oppression and Privilege Collide

    What to do When Racial Oppression and Privilege Collide

    Roxy Manning

    Trainer Tips · 4 - 5 minutes · 02/11/2024

    When a person of color (A.K.A. a person from the Global Majority, or GM) tells a marginalization story that triggers a defensive response from a white participant in a group, to foster awareness and healing, leaders can address the white person's distress with empathy, highlighting the common dynamic of prioritizing white pain. From there, leaders can offer GM participants opportunity to share their experience and make requests of the group.

  9. Prevent Misunderstanding--One Simple Strategy

    Prevent Misunderstanding--One Simple Strategy

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Articles · 2 - 3 minutes · 10/9/2019

    Misunderstandings can be painful. We can easily avoid this by checking what the other person understood from what we said, and ask the other person to do the same. Doing this is especially important when it comes to planning, shared decision-making, and when emotions are strong. Also, the more someone knows you, the more they think they already know what you mean -- which can get in the way of really hearing you. Here are a variety of ways to approach this simple strategy.

  10. Denying Our Needs

    Denying Our Needs

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 5/17/2023

    Trainer Tip: It can be painful spending our days pretending we’re not who we are. For example, we may try not to be passionate in our expression because if we think its “too much” for people. This can lead to trying to figuratively to squeeze ourselves into small spaces in life. Alternatively, we can choose who to share our passion with, and speak our truth to. Today, notice what you need and to work actively to meet your needs.

  11. How can we respond when we’re horrified by what someone says? How can we deepen our connection to our humanness and authenticity when the impact is hurtful? Read on to see examples of the three steps of "calling out", "calling in", and "calling forth".

  12. Changing Our Habitual Approach to Change

    Changing Our Habitual Approach to Change

    Bob Wentworth

    Articles · 4 - 6 minutes · 7/4/2020

    Most of us subject ourselves to so many painful mental jabs and they seldom stimulate helpful change. We can be like a frustrated animal trainer repeatedly whipping an animal, without ever helping the animal to understand what behavior is wanted or offering encouragement. Instead, punishing thoughts can be stepping stones to awareness. We can focus on sensing what we're really aspiring to. This is more likely to eventually produce sustainable change that'll serve us better.

  13. Emotional Regulation Strategies

    Emotional Regulation Strategies

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 2 - 3 minutes · 10/11/2020

    Emotional regulation is the consistent capacity to fully experience one’s feelings, particularly when they are intense and/or painful. Here are 36 practices that help with emotional regulation that can be done alone or with others. Read on for more.

  14. Grounded Responses for Challenging Comments

    Grounded Responses for Challenging Comments

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Articles · 3 - 5 minutes · 4/3/2021

    When someone responds with painful sarcasm, criticism, or dismissal you can respond with empathy, or with clarity about your intention, need and request. If you're unable to do this, later you can privately write what they said, identify the feelings and needs of both of you, then write possible responses. This can help you remember to stay with your intention and what’s true for you without getting caught in defensiveness or reactivity.

  15. Healing And Repair After A Triggering Comment

    Healing And Repair After A Triggering Comment

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 6 - 9 minutes · 2/4/2023

    How to get past the sting of a painful comment? Get empathy from self or another. Then connect with the commenter's feelings and needs. The more you can do this the less personally you may take it. Then work together on specific, do-able, authentic agreement about doing something differently next time, the kind that will enable you both to shift out of reactivity. Three things need to be in place for that to work.

  16. The Why And How Of Accessing Grief

    The Why And How Of Accessing Grief

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 5 - 8 minutes · 2/13/2023

    Grief is often confused with anguish. Anguish is a painful feeling that comes along with deep resistance to an experience or truth. Grief that leads to healing is an expansive state. It is a willingness to be with an experience and truth. If you're not resisting grief, then it's a neutral-to-pleasant experience. Pleasant sensations can include a sense of space and relief as something is integrated and tense holding releases.

  17. Losing Our Judgments

    Losing Our Judgments

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 4/14/2020

    Trainer tip: Various life circumstances that can seem to be something that we don't want, and we may think of them as bad. And then later the situation may reveal that it's a circumstance that we do want, and we may think of it as good. Instead, of evaluating our day as good or bad we can acknowledge the feelings and needs that are present. Read on for a few anecdotes that illustrate this.

  18. It Takes a Community to Raise a Relationship

    It Takes a Community to Raise a Relationship

    Eric Bowers

    Articles · 5 - 8 minutes · 7/29/2010

    Using his own life experience, Eric explores why we need support from others, what support might look like, and what blocks us from asking for support for our relationships.

  19. Move in to Conflict - Don't Back Up!

    Move in to Conflict - Don't Back Up!

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 7/29/2010

    Trainer Tip: Have you ever noticed how often we back up when we find ourselves in a conflict? Or how much we try to pull away when someone is angry or in emotional pain?

  20. Being Held And Transformed In The Formless

    Being Held And Transformed In The Formless

    John Kinyon

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 2/1/2023

    When we feel pain about humans relate to, and conflict with, one another on Earth what can give us capacity to transform it? Perhaps in connection to the formless consciousness of unity we may relax, open, expand -- and connect to formless human needs, a sense of universal well being, benevolence and good will. Loving action flows from here. Suffering shifts into deep healing, grace and new possibility.

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