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Trainer Tip: Our inner critic judges ourselves and other people; and it is the most likely to get scared when we begin to make a change. It holds wisdom for us if we are willing to listen. When we acknowledge our inner critic and empathize with its need, we gain insights into ourselves and we clear the way for resolution.

Trainer Tip: One of the basic philosophies of Nonviolent Communication is valuing everyone’s needs equally. That means that you consider your needs to be equal to another person’s needs. If someone asks you for empathy, and you choose to empathize at you own expense, you're not living in a Nonviolent Communication consciousness. Be aware of your own needs today when someone asks you to be their emotional support.

Trainer tip: Whenever we judge someone else in any way, we create a barrier and distance between us and the other person. Instead, consider shifting from judging other people to awareness of how their behavior affects your feelings and needs. This can make a profound difference in your ability to live peacefully. Read on for more.

Trainer tip: Be aware of your inner jackal chatter today and make a commitment to listen for the underlying needs they are trying to tell you about.

Trainer tip: Be aware of times when you are judging others, demanding, making comparisons, or denying responsibility for your actions. Notice how these communication patterns affect your connection with other people.

Trainer Tip: When you suspect someone is lying, consider how it may be less important what the truth is. Instead, notice whether your need for trust is met. Without blame, nor labelling. you can make specific requests to meet your needs, while also respecting the other person’s needs. Read on for more.

We all love to contribute to others’ lives. We love to offer support because it meets our own needs for contribution, love, caring, and making a difference. For today, admit that you love to support other people, and that you would like support yourself. Let at least one person contribute to your life today. Read on for a related story.

Trainer Tip: We may communicate indirectly when we worry about hurting someone’s feelings. Instead, commit to being direct with compassion, love, honesty, and respect to both yourself and others. They may not enjoy what you say, but at least they'll know where you're coming from. Being true to yourself, you can be true to your relationships. And it can build trust.

It's tempting to shut down a heated conversation when it’s painful and overwhelming. What can give us strength to stay open to hearing and being moved, to being open to new possibility, is recalling the “triad of conversation.” The triad is self and other and then awareness on the third side of the conversation. Here we can return to connection, to what we share and need in common, to a searching together for the way forward.

Much like other asymmetric relationships (such as therapist and client), there are complications related to power dynamics that can arise with any NVC trainer having sex with a participant. For one, there's (counter)transference. And there's potential for things that may not move outside this asymmetric relationship -- such as projections where the participant, and/or the trainer, is guided by un-healed pain of their "inner child".

"Falling out of love" is a misleading concept that can lead to feelings of helplessness in relationships. The initial intense phase of love gradually gives way to the need for intentional effort and communication. Unrealistic relationship expectations can erode connection, causing the perception of falling out of love. To address this, we can ask key questions and seek clarity to attend to unmet needs and maintain a healthy connection.

Hello friends. I’m Roxy Manning. When Mary invited me to write this letter, I could not help but reflect on what has been most alive for me recently… the way many of us will easily help someone else, but fear to ask for help for ourselves. On December 4, I had an operation. My doctor predicted my recovery would take three weeks. As I prepared for the time off, I rushed to complete all of my work and personal commitments. I prepped and froze dishes so I would have things to eat after and arranged meal deliveries. Very few people knew I was having an operation and I reached out to only one person for support after. In hindsight, I was doing everything I could so...

Anger and resentment can signal unmet needs. Through mourning those needs and practicing self-empathy, we may let go of blame, embrace reality, and reclaim responsibility for fulfilling our own needs. This process may lead to emotional transformation through conscious reflection, and a new outlook.

I’m Jeff Brown, Executive Director of the Center for Nonviolent Communication. Mary asked me to be a guest writer for this newsletter, and it’s allowed me to look deeply at the role NVC plays in my life, personally and professionally— especially in running a successful NVC organization. 

As the director of an NGO, I am grateful to have learned Nonviolent Communication. I utilize the principles constantly, and I’m not sure how I would survive without them.

Dear Friends,

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you could not see a good option, no matter how hard you looked? Or have you ever done something you felt ashamed or embarrassed about and struggled to release the shame?

Recently, I was telling a childhood story to some friends. It had us all laughing (a very welcome moment!), and it also got me reflecting about honesty and authenticity. Here’s the story:

When avoidance coping or positive thinking sidesteps challenges, internal and external injustice and unrest also rises as we sidestep our values and integrity. It leaves us in sadness and distress. What's unacknowledged impacts ourselves and others undesirably. To live nonviolently we need to be in touch with what's real. With resonance we can more likely be with what's true, and trust our resilience and inner alignment.

Here are some very basic forms and distinctions of NVC. It covers the 4 D's, OFNR, some NVC distinctions, tips, quotes from Marshall Rosenberg, and "feelings and needs" lists, and more. As with any art, these rudiments necessarily must be learned, practiced, understood, embodied and then let go of so as not to become rote and block creativity.