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  1. Different Types of Requests

    Different Types of Requests

    Miki Kashtan

    Trainer Tips · 2 - 3 minutes · 7/28/2010

    Ask the Trainer: "Could you share a list of types of requests, with examples of each and a possible strategy for formulating requests in conversation?"

  2. We’re in the throws of a particularly worrisome presidential election in the USA. Combined with world affairs and the global warming of our earth, we are seeing a level of despair higher than I ever remember experiencing.

    As a result, the level of blaming others, judgments, dis-ease, and lack of trust that I experience or hear about every day is at an all-time high. I think there’s so much fear that we’ve begun lashing out at others, and rage is either visible or ever lurking.

    • Tune into your self-dialogue with a compassion that supports loving presence
    • Shift limiting beliefs about your parenting patterns so you can choose consciously
    • Transform frustration, confusion, or guilt into constructive, honest discussions
    • Foster your ability to say yes and no in a way that supports your natural limits
  3. Eric offers some tips for nurturing and affirming ourselves as a daily practice.

  4. How to Survive the Holidays

    How to Survive the Holidays

    6 Communication Tips

    Oren Jay Sofer

    Articles · 6 - 10 minutes · 12/22/2018

    For many, spending time with relatives over the holidays may be challenging. In addition to the love and care we may feel, family gatherings can bring up old hurts or expose painful differences. How many family meals have been marred by tense silence or devolved into harsh argument?

  5. Another False Dichotomy

    Another False Dichotomy

    Selfish vs Selfless

    Alan Rafael Seid

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 8/25/2022

    If we’re selfish, all we care about is our own needs. If we’re selfless, our needs don’t enter the picture; others needs are the focus. But what if serving others meets our needs? What if being only selfish ultimately results in our needs being unmet? Do you find yourself bouncing between being a selfless doormat and then resenting it, and beating yourself up for being “selfish”? Instead, care about others’ needs AND your needs.

  6. When someone's behavior costs us, we may attempt to negotiate as much as possible. After some rounds of this, if there's no change we may reach a tolerance limit. So we may set a boundary for self care and clarity about what's unworkable. But depending on intentions and the way its said, this may or may not be a punishment to get even. Here, clarity about intentions, feelings, needs, actions and dialogue may support us.

  7. Two Basics That Support Conflict Resolution

    Two Basics That Support Conflict Resolution

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 4 - 6 minutes · 3/8/2022

    Connecting with self and other is key to care and creativity. Before dialogue connect with your intention and needs for being with grief, fear or pain, and empathy. Dialogue when you're both rested, fed, and have spaciousness. Start by expressing care and desire to find mutually satisfying solutions. To deepen connection you may repeat what you hear and ask the other person to do the same.

  8. There are ways to reduce obstacles to setting boundaries. Notice unconscious ways you sacrifice yourself in order to avoid boundary setting. List of signs that a life-serving boundary is needed, but you're denying this. Realizing you consistently abandoned your needs may require time to process and mourn before you can set boundaries consistently. With practice, you can recognize boundaries care for yourself and others.

  9. Talking About The Past And Effective Relationship Repair

    Talking About The Past And Effective Relationship Repair

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 5 - 8 minutes · 02/07/2023

    Relationship repair means building connection and care after disconnect and unmet needs. It requires intention to connect and take responsibility for your behavior by naming what didn’t work, offering empathy, and making a plan to do something differently next time. When you have enough empathy to find care and curiosity for them, reflect the other person's observation, thoughts, feelings, needs and requests. Focus on this more than on details of the event.

  10. The Long-Short Way, And The Short-Long Way

    The Long-Short Way, And The Short-Long Way

    Alan Rafael Seid

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 8/10/2022

    Some things may seem to take longer at first, but end up making things easier and faster. Other things seem easier or faster in the short term, but end up taking more time in the long run. This applies to projects, group agreements about process, relationships, addressing conflicts, clearing up misunderstandings, damage control, etc. It can be faster to slow down, be more present, and take the time since we care about the outcome.

  11. Going Beyond Fear

    Going Beyond Fear

    Eddie Zacapa

    Trainer Tips · 2 - 3 minutes · 2/15/2025

    Fear can show up as a thought or feeling. When we think and dwell on fear and get stuck, fear becomes our worst enemy. For a healthier approach, discover what brings up the emotion of fear by looking for the unmet need behind it. Next, identify the stimulus for the fear. Then satisfy the need(s) with suitable strategies. You can also reassure yourself based on the truth, evidence, and facts. Or ask a friend for support. 
  12. Read how an American Buddhist NVC teacher with Jewish roots reflects on how any dehumanization in the Israel-Hamas conflict can be used to justify all kinds of violence that can escalate for generations. With acknowledgment of the complexities, his desire is for us to bring in respect, dignity and peace -- for both Israelis and Palestinians. He emphasizes compassionate advocacy of all humanity amid the ongoing crisis.

  13. The Cause of Our Feelings

    The Cause of Our Feelings

    John Kinyon, Miki Kashtan

    Trainer Tips · 3 - 5 minutes · 7/28/2010

    Ask the Trainer: “I would love some clarity about the NVC perspective on the cause of our feelings. It seems to me that my needs may be met or not, but the cause of my painful feelings is my story around the situation.”

  14. Tips for the Road Series Tip 14

    Tips for the Road Series Tip 14

    Admit to it Too

    Eric Bowers

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 11/12/2017

    It can be challenging to tell people that you don’t like a certain behaviour or action of theirs. Even with supportive intentions and compassionate language your message might be difficult for someone to receive. Of course, we are not responsible for others’ reactions, but we are responsible to care about each other, and there are effective ways to express ourselves with more care.

    • Explore the complexities of how we can care for all of life using NVC
    • See the role that power plays in relation to observations, feelings, needs, and requests
    • Learn how to support people from many backgrounds in being able to apply NVC 
    • Discern how to engage with these vast topics as we learn and share NVC
  15. Resistance

    Resistance

    John Kinyon

    Articles · 6 - 9 minutes · 2/16/2023

    There are many polarizing issues we can resist and fight over. The word "resistance" can mean fighting against what we don’t agree with in counterproductive ways. It can also be the illusion and futility of mentally fighting against reality of 'what is'. But acceptance, non-resistance, of what is doesn’t mean powerless resignation. Another way to resist is to accept and love whole-heartedly, with empathy and care for the people doing the things we are resisting.

  16. Unlock Your Authentic Voice

    Unlock Your Authentic Voice

    Mary Mackenzie

    Peaceful Living Blog · ·

    Dear friends,

    #UnlockYourAuthenticVoice 

    This has been on my mind lately. What does it mean to unlock my authentic voice? How do I talk about things that matter to me without creating emotional distance between myself and others? I’ve found this especially challenging after the US presidential election this month— half the voters are devastated by Donald Trump’s election, and the other half are elated. The extremes are vast. Sometimes imagining a coming-together feels hopeless. 

  17. What are the most powerful things I can do to build an inspired relationship? I answered the question with romantic relationships in mind; however, I believe the answer below applies to all important relationships.

  18. The Zero Step

    The Zero Step

    Jim & Jori Manske

    Audio · 41 minutes · 2/20/2017

    Jori and Jim Manske offer a process they call "The Zero Step," encompassing the characteristics of warmth toward self and other, care for the vitality of both yourself and other(s), wonder/interest, vulnerability and empathy, which leads directly to connection requests and an openness to outcome.

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