How do you know when you’re projecting disowned parts or replaying old relationship dynamics? It’s hard to know for sure, but if you find yourself upset or shutting down and unable to have a dialogue in which you can speak clearly about your feelings and needs and empathize with the other’s feelings and needs, there is likely a projection. The stronger your reaction, the more likely you are...

In this book excerpt, Kathleen and Jared offer a path to reach deeper clarity, distinguishing between revealing ourselves and projection.

Someone may give more weight to your ideas, decisions, and directives based on your experience and what you've learned. This could influence them to project their ideals, fears, hopes, and more onto you. In this case, you can help transform this and contribute to their connection to their own agency, authenticity, and self-trust -- while supporting their ability to learn from what you have to...

Untethering from dominant culture and internalized oppression takes releasing attachments and persistence inspite upheavals -- all with insufficient support. Even in community building we can bring oppression into our efforts to untether. The more we walk towards vision, the more tethers of patriarchy we undo, the more the cost. By exacting such high cost, patriarchal societies reproduce and...

Sometimes there are moments when empathy has no effect at all on one another. Why? One reason could be that our brains maybe less receptive because of unseen forces that affect our nervous system and relationship to others...

Sometimes there are moments when empathy has no effect at all on one another. Why? One reason could be that our brains might be less receptive because of unseen forces that affect our nervous system and relationship with others.

What parts of yourself or others are hard to embrace, understand or even notice? What parts do others have difficulty embracing, understanding or noticing? Why do we condemn, loathe, hate, deny, judge, blame or feel shame around certain needs, feelings and parts of self and/or others? This article talks about the hidden parts of ourselves and others that shapes views and behaviours.

Sometimes even a very skilled empathy practicitioner can go into offering a non-empathic response, even when asked for empathy. Why? One reason could be that our brains might be less receptive because of unseen forces that affect our brain and relationship with others. This article speaks to the deeper "why" and also to one thing we could do to turn it around...

Self responsibility is owning what's yours. It involves identifying your observations, evaluations, feelings, longings, and more. When we identify what's truly ours we are unlikely to mistake it as coming from outside of us. Self responsibility is not self blame. Without self responsibility, we project, blame and judge. Self-responsibility is central to clarity and full self-awareness. This...

Judging or criticizing others indicates pain, unmet needs and a coping strategy. It distracts you from yourself and can give you the illusion of control. You may think you see more than they do, imagining criticism will bring change. But even a correct analysis won’t inspire change if they hear criticism. Instead, the moment you notice judgments or criticism turn towards yourself with...

Much like other asymmetric relationships (such as therapist and client), there are complications related to power dynamics that can arise with any NVC trainer having sex with a participant. For one, there's (counter)transference. And there's potential for things that may not move outside this asymmetric relationship -- such as projections where the participant, and/or the trainer, is guided by...

Repairing betrayal may include rebuilding self trust, getting support, empathy on both sides over time, and new agreements. Even though your (in)actions don't "cause" someone's behavior, acknowledging any part you played in creating conditions for the behaviors to arise, can support repair. Trust builds slowly as new skills, ways of relating and experiences that reflect honesty, self...

Trainer Tip: Next time someone asks how you're doing, you can check in with yourself and offer an honest answer. It doesn't need to be 15-minute response. You could say, "I’m feeling tired and overwhelmed by this project. I’m sure it'll work out. I’m just worried about it now. How are you?” If you're ready to do that, then you can be honest with yourself. Doing this can help you be present to...

In this brief audio snippet, CNVC Certified Trainer and founder of the CNVC Parenting Project, Inbal Kashtan, explores observation in contrast to interpretation, and leads an exercise in observation skills.

In this brief audio snippet, CNVC Certified Trainer and founder of the CNVC Parenting Project, Inbal Kashtan, offers a profound insight that can change how we see and relate to our children.

Some things may seem to take longer at first, but end up making things easier and faster. Other things seem easier or faster in the short term, but end up taking more time in the long run. This applies to projects, group agreements about process, relationships, addressing conflicts, clearing up misunderstandings, damage control, etc. It can be faster to slow down, be more present, and take the...

Trainer Tip: Wanting collaboration? Show you value the other person's needs as much as your own. After you both feel heard, you can make joint decisions about specifics of the agreement, such as "division of work", "scope of project", "when the action will take place", "how it'll be done" and "timing of follow up to see how things went". Read on for an example of how this is applied to asking...

Trainer Tip: The surest way to enjoy life is to do things that meet your needs. If you don’t enjoy a particular activity, consider the need you hope to meet by doing it. For instance, for each item you want to do consider the needs you're trying to meet. Connect to the joy of that need. Then for each ask: “How would I feel if I delayed finishing this item?”. Consider which items you want to...

Learn when to use the two types of requests in the practice of Nonviolent Communication: Action Requests and Connection Requests. Both are important when working through conflict or difficult situations and for building connection.

When deciding if someone crossed your boundaries and how to respond, you may get conflicting opinions on it. These opinions can be coarse attempts to manage life with rules about what should(n’t) happen. Instead, so that you can find where you want to invest your energy, ask yourself questions that reveal what for you is truly in integrity, nourishing, connects to your heart, and deepens self...