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  1. Trainer Tip: Violence results from thinking that others caused our pain and deserve to be punished. The cause of our feelings is related to our own needs in the moment. What happened is the stimulus. Notice this when you are tempted to blame other people for your feelings, and try to discover your unmet needs.

  2. Stimulus vs. Cause

    Stimulus vs. Cause

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 6/22/2020

    Trainer tip: Notice how the exact same actions can stimulate different feelings depending on if your needs are met or unmet. So while what people say or do is the stimulus, the actual cause of our feelings comes from our met or unmet needs. Read on for more on this.

  3. Blame, Responsibility, And Care

    Blame, Responsibility, And Care

    Miki Kashtan

    Articles · 11 - 16 minutes · 10/9/2022

    One NVC principle is "stimulus vs cause" - one may be the stimulus but never the cause of another's feelings. When we're upset this principle can help us express pain without blame. However, when others are upset it's easy to slip into blaming them using this principle. Instead, we can hear their pain with care and heartfelt mourning - without guilt nor defensiveness, and whether or not we agree. All this is important if we're sincerely applying compassion. Read on for more.

  4. When you or anyone is upset, what could underneath the trigger?  There may be more than is immediately visible.  This article invites us to explore what it looks like to inquire deeper, take self-responsibility, examine our assumptions, attachments, interpretations, and "certainties" that could be hidden behind the needs that are aching to be attended to...

  5. You Are Not Responsible for Other People's Feelings

    You Are Not Responsible for Other People's Feelings

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 2/1/2025

    Trainer Tip: While everyone's feelings are a result of their own met or unmet needs it's still important that we take responsibility for our actions. This means acknowledging when our behaviors are a stimulus for another's pain, and expressing regret -- to support our own needs for care and consideration. In the process, taking responsibility where it's due in this way can enhance and deepen our relationships.

  6. The Powers No One Can Take Away From Us

    The Powers No One Can Take Away From Us

    Miki Kashtan

    Articles · 16 - 24 minutes · 1/21/2020

    We can choose our stories of interpretation, and how to respond. And while stories of self-sufficiency can (to a degree) give us more influence over our own lives, they don't erase oppression, war, nor climate change. When stories omit a lens that includes impacts of interdependence, oppression, and structural inequities, stories can also keep us disconnected and blocked from compassion for self and others -- and perpetuating an oppressive status quo. However, with this lens we can make greater compassion and collective liberation possible. Even as the outcome is unknown.

  7. Intention and Effect

    Intention and Effect

    Miki Kashtan

    Articles · 12 - 18 minutes · 8/9/2020

    When someone expresses upset about our actions, and we focus on our intention being seen and understood (e.g. "I didn’t mean to hurt you”) it doesn't support the speaker in being heard more deeply with care. Here we'll explore this dynamic in a way that supports more clarity and the possibility of greater personal liberation. Read on for more.

  8. Independence vs. Interdependence in NVC

    Independence vs. Interdependence in NVC

    Bob Wentworth

    Articles · 3 - 5 minutes · 4/27/2021

    For us to have a more peaceful world and relationships, growing our skills to engage interdependently is key. An interdependence-oriented person may choose to attend to both inner factors and outer factors that affect their own and others' experiences. Unfortunately, this is likely to be misunderstood by independence-oriented people as enmeshment -- and this is where conflict emerges. Read on for more.

  9. W.A.I.T: Practices For Presence And Patience

    W.A.I.T: Practices For Presence And Patience

    Jim & Jori Manske

    Practice Exercises · 2 - 3 minutes · 04/16/2022

    With these practices make space before reacting to emotion or external stimulus. This can enable your capacity to respond from your self-connection to universally shared values. With practice you can create the capacity to temporarily put impulsiveness aside, in the service of connection with yourself and others, and in service of more informed and effective strategies.

  10. The Nature of Your Reactions

    The Nature of Your Reactions

    Robert Gonzales

    Video · 3 minutes · 04/22/2022

    Responding to your own reactivity is an inside job. Robert reveals how your reactions are often a secondary reaction to a triggering stimulus, and that accepting responsibility for your reactions can lead to less blame and more inner peace.

  11. Unpacking Observations

    Unpacking Observations

    Roxy Manning

    Articles · 4 - 6 minutes · 12/18/2022

    Many people consider a true observation as something that all can agree on. Some people use the video camera analogy – a true observation is “what a video camera can see and hear.” This perpetuates the myth of the neutral, unbiased observer. There are three layers of observation: External, Internal, and Systemic. Understanding these layers is key to connecting with the depth of the needs, and to create greater shared understanding.

  12. Conflict Evolution Policy

    Conflict Evolution Policy

    Jim Manske

    Articles · 4 - 6 minutes · 3/12/2023

    This document is for organizations that want to integrate NVC. The intention is to use conflict as a stimulus to personal growth, more open and honest relationships, and life-affirming change. It mentions using NVC skills such as self connection, empathy, honesty, and requests (and protective use of force as last resort) to navigate the conflict with an intention of connection.

  13. 10 Healthy Ways To Deal With Anger

    10 Healthy Ways To Deal With Anger

    Eddie Zacapa

    Articles · 4 - 6 minutes · 5/20/2023

    We can see anger as an alarm or signal that can inform us that unmet needs require attention, or that we hold judgements. We can shift our own anger in several healthy ways: get present, identify the stimulus and any judgements or unmet needs, look for ways to meet our needs, make requests that support our needs, express our needs to ourselves and appropriate others, and more.

  14. Group Feedback

    Group Feedback

    Sylvia Haskvitz

    Trainer Tips · 2 - 3 minutes · 7/29/2010

    Ask the Trainer: "I'm part of a small, self-led NVC group that's been working together for almost two years. We are experiencing some growing pains in that we're still not certain how and under what circumstances to make requests, especially negative ones."

  15. Core Beliefs and Gratitude Exercise

    Core Beliefs and Gratitude Exercise

    Kathleen Macferran

    Practice Exercises · 2 pages · 3/29/2011

    Some of my core beliefs make experiencing gratitude difficult . For example, it’s difficult to celebrate others or myself when I think I have to prove my worth in order to be accepted. So much energy goes into proving myself, there’s little left for celebration.

  16. How we treat ourselves when we fall short of our own ideals, desires and hopes can profoundly affect the quality of our lives. Learn how to identify your triggers and reactions, to mourn falling short, and to practice self-connection and self-empathy. 

  17. In this book excerpt, Kathleen and Jared offer a path to reach deeper clarity, distinguishing between freedom and submission / rebellion.

  18. NVC Conference

    NVC Conference

    17 Trainers

    Live Zoom Course · ·

    • Uncover the expansive possibilities of Nonviolent Communication in growing compassion for a more empathic world
    • Engage with 17 global trainers on 17+ unique topics
    • Connect with an international audience from novices to experts
    • Immerse yourself in a festival of learning, fun, and community
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