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When outraged or resigned over polarized issues, pause to ask yourself who may be benefiting from this conflict? What are we not paying attention to that’s even more important? What matters most? Am I being distracted away from something more important? What do I really want? Where can I choose to focus attention and action for the wellbeing of all life on the planet (which is also my wellbeing and the well being of those I love)?

Anger is neither good nor bad. When you don't foresee it or you haven't cultivated a relationship to anger, you may behave from it and hurt yourself and others. There are three reasons anger may rise: primitive anger, resistance, and lack of resources. For practicing with these last two types of anger, we'll look at four practices: cultivate awareness, pause and expand, self-care and planning, and allow grief.

Reveal what's in your heart before asking a question to help build trust, especially if you're in an authority figure. Otherwise, your question may sound like a demand, blame, trap, intrusion or accusation, and it may elicit a defensive response. If you get a "question" like that, give them empathy. Read on for reflection questions to see how our revealing and our withholding impacts our relationships with others and with ourselves.

When we're on the receiving end of pain-stimulating assumptions, a microaggression, or prejudice --when we're reactive and resultingly have self-doubt, guilt or shame in ourselves-- is it possible to be intensely authentic while holding care for everyone in the situation? Can we effectively do this even as a third party witnesses to these things? Self-empathy, empathy, and a commitment to authenticity have become essential tools I need to keep sharpened in my toolbox if I am to show up and do the work I value in this world.

When we're judging we're less able to access both what we care about and constructive next actions. Instead, create more internal space and agency starting with connecting to your feelings and needs; then feel your grief or disappointment; followed by getting curious about the other party's needs and context -- and then based on collective needs and the long term effects make requests or take aligned action that works for all.

Reacting is deciding what to do based on what someone else does. Responding is deciding what to do based on your own needs and values. When someone isn't responding the way you want, and you want to respond in a way that embodies your values, with warmth and patience, examine your reactions. Ask yourself how you can access compassion and action that contributes to the well-being of all.

In some situations you might expect people to show a degree of maturity or skill. When they don't, your anger-fueled response doesn't lead to lasting improved relationship change. Instead, find someone who retains focus on your feelings and needs rather than colluding with you about what should(n't) be. This can support greater acceptance, grief, vulnerability, groundedness and discernment, from which next steps can arise.

How to stay present in the conversation in the face of strong anger.

Jim and Jori Manske share strategies for employing gratitude to create more joy in life, jettisoning the fear of asking for what you want, and welcoming feedback no matter how it is delivered.

When working to repair a relationship after conflict, and after reaching mutual care and understanding, you’re more likely to prevent future disconnection in similar situations by coming to clear, specific, and actionable agreements. Ensure requests for agreements come from a negotiable needs-based dialogue. Clarify specifics and plan to revisit agreements to assess their effectiveness.

Struggling to say "no"? Here are ways you change your adjacent mind patterns. First, note the differences between those who respect boundaries and those who often don't. Second, review situations in which you lost track of your choice. And rehearse what it would sound, look, and feel like if you kept connection to your choice. Third, seek validation of your experience - from a grounded and mindful (non-reactive) state.

• Connect the dots between NVC basic practices and the deeper "why" behind them
• Discover how NVC can support us in bringing tenderness to all of humanity
• Learn how to tie the NVC approach to liberation and vision
• Explore the many ways the tools of NVC support the path of liberation!

• Gain a deeper understanding of trauma through the lens of NVC
• Learn how to connect with ALL needs, even when we’ve been taught to suppress some of them
• Grow capacity to creatively move towards our deepest longings interdependently
• Discover how you can call people back to life when they are in the thick of patterned behavior

Learn to channel anger into mutual caring and peace through conflict mediation and brain science.

No one likes demands. Do you want to have access to choice when requests or demands come your way? Join CNVC Certified Trainer Arnina Kashtan as she provides tools to free yourself from the submit/rebel dynamic.

• Strengthen embodied awareness
• Integrate inner and outer worlds to create a connecting "corridor" 
• Identify projected images that prevent connecting 
• Embrace fear and transform reactivity
• Create a support network where you can express and be heard 

Learn to pause before reacting and gain practical tools to meet conflict with compassion.

• Increase your sense of connection and compassion, even in the heat of conflict
• Deepen your access to needs consciousness and the powerful energy of gratitude
• Learn how to make powerful requests that support the flow of connection
• Expand your self-empathy skills to help you shift away from reactivity

In relationships, the desire for space can conflict with the need for intimacy. This conflict arises from different strategies to meet similar needs. By identifying specific needs behind the request for space and understanding the other person’s needs for closeness, both of you can negotiate and collaborate. Repeated conflicts may indicate the need for personal healing, which you’ll need to address individually.