Image

Search the NVC Library

Search Results: obligation

Advanced Search
  1. From Obligation To Giving from the Heart

    From Obligation To Giving from the Heart

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 4 - 6 minutes · 2/7/2023

    You value generosity and you often give easily from the heart. There are those times, however, when you get snagged by a sense of obligation. You feel tense and resentful. You don't want to continue with this attitude, but how can you reconnect with the desire to give from the heart? Let’s touch on three essential elements that support giving from the heart: choice, mourning, and acceptance.

  2. Finding Freedom In Marriage

    Finding Freedom In Marriage

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 4 - 6 minutes · 10/30/2022

    Marriage can be seen as a limit on freedom. Ideas of compromise collude with this view. Instead, notice when your "yes" to your partner is laden with obligation, duty, guilt, fear, or an attempt to win love or approval, and how it's not a truly free "yes". True freedom is different from compulsion, and doesn't conflict with other needs. When have you experienced true freedom? What conditions support your access to freedom?

  3. Exercise For Saying "No" And Staying Connected

    Exercise For Saying "No" And Staying Connected

    Jim & Jori Manske

    Practice Exercises · 1 - 2 minutes · 1/28/2022

    Ever have a hard time saying "no" to someone, or feel obligated to say yes? Here's an exercise that can help you notice where you are placing yourself as someone who "has to" say yes; the needs in the other person making the request; what you want to say "yes" to (regarding your needs and theirs) by saying "no"; what prevents you from saying "yes"; plus your request and how you might express it.

  4. Empowering Ourselves Through Our Choices

    Empowering Ourselves Through Our Choices

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 6/20/2022

    Trainer Tip: Today, when you tell yourself that you "have to" or "should" do something, notice what you feel and experience - is it a sense of duty, obligation, guilt, shame, overwhelm, constriction, heaviness? Then consider the underlying needs you are trying to meet with the activity. This can shift the purpose and intention with an energy that motivates our actions can bring empowerment and joy to our lives.

  5. Aya Caspi delves into the impact of societal structures and parenting approaches on individuals, particularly the prevalence of extrinsic motivation rooted in fear of punishment, desire for rewards, and a sense of obligation. The emphasis is on how these dynamics contribute to collective trauma and affect brain development. Examples, such as Hitler's childhood and the adverse effects of the educational system, are used to illustrate the consequences of such practices. Aya advocates for systemic change in these structures and emphasizes the role of non-judgmental practices in potentially reducing adult depression. The discussion highlights the importance of empathy and challenges the traditional methods that may lead to emotional neglect and trauma, emphasizing the potential benefits of embracing non-judgmental approaches in parenting and societal frameworks.

  6. Social Dynamics During the Holidays

    Social Dynamics During the Holidays

    Jori Manske

    Trainer Tips · 2 - 3 minutes · 12/4/2019

    During the holiday season we may find ourselves taking responsibility for other's feelings, which can lead to guilt, shame, depression, and resentment. These feelings are exacerbated by the habitual pattern we call the "Vortex of Submission" (being hooked by a sense of duty and obligation). Read on for ways to recognize and break the pattern.

  7. Changing A One-Way Caretaking Relationship

    Changing A One-Way Caretaking Relationship

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 5 - 8 minutes · 10/24/2022

    Notice situations where you're attending to another and giving up on your needs with resentment or a sense of submitting. You can also watch for “shoulds,” obligation, and black-and-white thinking around the support you offer. Is there a sense that if you don't carry out a particular action something bad will happen? If so, identify the needs at hand and brainstorm a variety of strategies to meet them.

  8. Liberating Ourselves from Our “Shoulds”

    Liberating Ourselves from Our “Shoulds”

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 5/2/2020

    Trainer tip: When you tell yourself that you have to do something, you're more likely to disconnect yourself from the needs you’re trying to meet, and also diminish the joy in your life. Instead, experiment with translating your “shoulds” and “have tos” into the need you are trying to meet.

  9. Physical distancing is opportunity to creatively to meet your needs in new ways. In this containment, with very few cues from others and the environment you now have a rare opportunity with less external distraction to rethink what's truly supportive -- and make significant changes to the less noticable habits of mind, standards and "should's". Applying questions and noticing certain symptoms can support. Read on for more.

  10. Making Demands

    Making Demands

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 3/19/2021

    When we ask something of a person and threaten negative repercussions if she doesn’t comply, we're making a demand. Demands limit the possible responses and reduce joyful participation. Instead, look to find mutually satisfying resolutions. And look for ways to change your demand into a request. Read on for more.

  11. Motivation Through Joy

    Motivation Through Joy

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 7/19/2021

    Pay attention to when you're motivated by guilt, duty, obligation, shame, and worry. How do you feel? Does it bring up resentment, rebellion, submission, reactivity or resistance? When you're motivated by joy notice how that feels, and how others respond. Read on for a related story.

  12. Living In Joy

    Living In Joy

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 10/12/2022

    Trainer Tip: When faced with doing a task that doesn't seem fun try saying to yourself something to the effect of “I do this activity because I value...”. Complete the sentence with related needs, then ask yourself if you still want to complete the task. This can take the demand out of the tasks. Next, choose accordingly. This can teach you about, or give you more access to, true choice in life.

  13. Enjoying Your Life

    Enjoying Your Life

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 12/24/2022

    Trainer Tip: The surest way to enjoy life is to do things that meet your needs. If you don’t enjoy a particular activity, consider the need you hope to meet by doing it. For instance, for each item you want to do consider the needs you're trying to meet. Connect to the joy of that need. Then for each ask: “How would I feel if I delayed finishing this item?”. Consider which items you want to continue, pause, or reprioritize. This can help increase life enjoyment.

  14. Life is a Cabaret!

    Life is a Cabaret!

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 4/29/2023

    Trainer Tip: It can help us bring joy into our lives to connect to the needs we serve for doing things. While our activities may not always be fun, understanding their purpose and their value to our lives can help us shift the energy behind the action and have a more positive experience. Consider the underlying needs activities meet, and decide if they are worth it to you.

  15. Living Autonomously

    Living Autonomously

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 5/8/2023

    Trainer Tip: Autonomy is not a need, but rather a way of living. We always have choices in life, even if none of them appeal to us. Becoming aware of our choices and taking responsibility for them leads to greater joy and empowerment.

  16. Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

    Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 4/1/2024

    Trainer Tip: Research shows long-term change comes when people have intrinsic desire to change. Extrinsic motivation is temporary and often only lasts while we're observed (eg. driving the speed limit when police are there). Notice where you're mostly intrinsically or extrinsically motivated. How does this feel? For instance, do you call mom because you want to connect with her? Or because you’re worried she’ll be hurt if you don’t?

  17. Inner Conflict and Agreements with Yourself

    Inner Conflict and Agreements with Yourself

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Articles · 4 - 6 minutes · 7/25/2019

    There are three things you can do to sort inner conflict and make doable, sustainable agreements with yourself. This capacity can build trust with yourself to follow through, and to develop diverse and creative solutions -- thereby increasing confidence and ease.

  18. Create Mutuality Rather Than Keeping Score

    Create Mutuality Rather Than Keeping Score

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Articles · 3 - 5 minutes · 8/16/2021

    Where do you feel desperation, resentment, anger about your partner's choices? What do you want to demand of them? Rather than looking for what they're suppose to do, look for your feelings and needs, how would you would respond if you trusted your needs could be met without your partner, and what you choose to do given what your partner offers and does not offer.

Results 1 - 20 of 35
NVCAcademy Logo

Subscription Preferences

Stay In Touch!

Looking for ways to keep up with NVC Academy news, get special offers, free resources, or words of inspiration? Here are five ways to stay engaged: