Telling yourself to be a certain way or have more of a certain quality (like courage), is a set-up for self-criticism and possibly freezing or avoiding. Instead, access effective action by asking yourself questions like: "If I could be or have that, what actions would be different inside or out?" "If I could be or have that, what needs would be met and knowing those are the needs, what could I...

Some arguments stay stuck because each person thinks it's about the content of the argument, rather than the needs each person is attempting to protect. When the needs get attached to the strategies a "no way out" scenario gets created. Instead, fully step into one another's worlds and connect to the feelings and needs behind the strategy each party is putting forth. Read on for six elements to...

Our world trains us to think in terms of providing for everyone’s needs because they deserve it, earned it, or they possess the resources -- it's fair, socially just, supports equality or because people have rights. Instead, can we step outside this worldview to look at providing for everyone’s needs because those needs exist -- can we hold this basic reverence for life? Are we able to have a...

To tell the difference between empathy and investigation, watch for distinctions along four different dimensions: energy, subject, intention and trust. These distinctions can help us engage awareness and skill to meet your needs and respond to others’ needs in more direct ways. The more you meet your needs in conscious and direct ways, the more present you can be for others. Read on for more...

Trainer tip: Do you get into “right fights”? You know you’re in one when you’re arguing with somebody in order to be right or because you want to win. What needs do I hope to meet from winning or being right? Notice if you enter into a right fight today and shift your focus to your needs and connecting with the other person's needs.

For effective dialogue clarify your needs, boundaries, and requests beforehand. Setting boundaries is telling someone what you're going to do in order to meet or protect needs for yourself or others. Whereas with requests, even if you have preferences, you still hold open curiosity about strategies to collaborate with others in meeting needs. Read on for more.

When we're judging we're less able to access both what we care about and constructive next actions. Instead, create more internal space and agency starting with connecting to your feelings and needs; then feel your grief or disappointment; followed by getting curious about the other party's needs and context -- and then based on collective needs and the long term effects make requests or take...

Interrupt cycles of conflict by creating a new ways forward. You can do this by connecting with the energy of the met needs you want in the dynamic; guessing the other person's needs; naming your needs; asking essential questions; identifying at least three different strategies to meet each need; and imagining the positive outcome.

In the "obnoxious stage" we care for our needs in a way that doesn't respect others' needs. In the "emotional liberation" stage we fully care for others' needs as much as our own—while being free of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation. Often NVC training teaches us how to achieve the latter stage without the former. For greater compassion we can be more rigorous in how we talk about...

Trainer Tip: Requests include a specific action to help us get our needs met. If we have a complaint or in conflict, and we don’t make specific requests, people are left guessing and/or wondering about what will meet our needs. Our chances for getting our needs met can then become limited. Instead, try ending with a request to let the other person know exactly what you would like to happen.

Trainer Tip: Whether we listen to our own or the other person’s needs first, connecting to needs can help us release judgments of others, see their humanness, help us to begin to hear them and ultimately connect to them. Be aware today of times when you are judging someone. Then be aware of your own needs to improve your connection to them.

Part of making your relationship a priority while maintaining autonomy means you consider the impact your actions may have on your relationship and look to negotiate ways all needs can be honored. To do this while not losing yourself, practice writing down your needs and guessing their needs beforehand. Make an upfront request to create a shared understanding about what’s most important, before...

Trainer Tip: Sometimes our actions keep us from meeting our needs. Let’s say you long for connection with others, but you are also afraid of it, so you push people away. Then you tell yourself that no one likes you, resulting in depression and self-criticism. Self-empathy can help clarify what we truly want rather than focusing on what is wrong with others or ourselves, and help us align in...

Codependency occurs when others' behavior affects us in unhealthy ways and we get obsessed with controlling their behavior. For example, we may focus on other's needs while neglect what matters to us, and resent it. Or we may depend on others to rescue us from results of our actions. Or we may fix or rescue others' neglected responsibilities. Or we may make others responsible for our needs....

How can you remember to use the skills and consciousness of NVC in the heat of the moment? Jim and Jori Manske will show you how in these recordings from their 2018 course! They teach that when and how you address the conflicts that emerge in your everyday life matters! By slowing down and considering the state of your resources before engaging in a conflict, you increase the likelihood of...

Ingrid guides parents to navigate everyday parenting challenges using the NVC model, such as the behavior of a frustrated child, a messy room, transition times and a child who collapses when things don't work out as she had hoped.

Trainer Tip: Anger can be an opportunity to hear the "Please" behind the words and create a path to resolve conflicts compassionately.

Trainer Tip: When someone is in pain and lashing out, might be a time when empathy is needed most. Empathizing in these moments can be very challenging. Mary offers a few words of ecouragement for these situations.

Transforming anger is a key practice for returning to conscious presence and connection with self and others when triggered into a reaction. Join John Kinyon to learn this essential life skill through the Enemy Image Process and Learning/Growth Spiral.

Trainer Tip: Using NVC as a tool to transform our judgments can revolutionize our perceptions and relationships.