Search the NVC Library

Ask the Trainer: Is a confidentiality agreement typically used in NVC practice groups?

Exploring how to share NVC in a school environment where others may not yet understand its value.

Fear in dealing with a neighbor's 'wastebasket talk.' Only leaving or interrupting stops the flow.

When asking for support from another, you are most likely to enjoy receiving that support when the person giving support is giving from the heart—from a place of joy or delight. Inviting them to say "no" is a way of encouraging an authentic response, a response you can trust more fully.

Trainer Tip: Many of us are afraid of our anger because we haven’t learned how to express it in a way that brings relief or that helps us meet our needs in the situation. Consider a different approach to anger, one that helps you fully express your anger and is more likely to help you meet your needs for relief, to be heard, or to be understood.

The focus on patriarchy emerges from the understanding that patriarchy plays a foundational role in everything. Yes, I mean it: everything. Patriarchy is not the same as sexism; patriarchy is to sexism very much what structural racism is to (interpersonal) racism: it's a system that runs independently of any one person's attitudes or behaviors. Join Miki for her first in a series of discussions on patriarchy.

Trainer Tip: If we're deflecting an appreciation or letting it expand our ego, we're missing a chance to truly connect to what's important. A more satisfying way to receive appreciation is to connect to how we've contributed to another person’s life, rather than our own.

Trainer Tip: If you make a specific and doable request as soon as you notice your needs, you'll have a better possibility of getting them met. It's also more likely your request will support the other person to contribute to your life. Make at least one specific, doable request of someone today as soon as you notice your needs.

Trainer tip: When we express moralistic judgments we are implying that other people are wrong or bad because they don’t act in ways that are in harmony with our values. Judging the situation or people can create distance and hurt. Instead, we can express our needs and how we're affected, bringing greater connection and healing. Today, notice how often you judge, and how you feel when you judge.

Trainer Tip: It can be painful spending our days pretending we’re not who we are. For example, we may try not to be passionate in our expression because if we think its “too much” for people. This can lead to trying to figuratively to squeeze ourselves into small spaces in life. Alternatively, we can choose who to share our passion with, and speak our truth to. Today, notice what you need and to work actively to meet your needs.

Total inclusion is impossible: inclusion of all can often lead to exclusion of those who can't bear the behaviors of some. Many groups flounder and disintegrate because of too much inclusion. Limited resources and capacities may make it necessary to exclude. Keeping more coherent shared values and strategies may be another reason to place membership conditions so that what appears to be exclusion may give movements a chance to expand.

• Increase your sense of connection and compassion, even in the heat of conflict
• Deepen your access to needs consciousness and the powerful energy of gratitude
• Learn how to make powerful requests that support the flow of connection
• Expand your self-empathy skills to help you shift away from reactivity

Dear friends,

How was 2024 for you? For me, it was a bumpy ride. There were moments of joy spending time with our 3-year-old grandson, mine and Kim’s first international trip together (a bonafide vacation that was void of work), and precious time with family and friends. There was also heartbreak...

When working to repair a relationship after conflict, and after reaching mutual care and understanding, you’re more likely to prevent future disconnection in similar situations by coming to clear, specific, and actionable agreements. Ensure requests for agreements come from a negotiable needs-based dialogue. Clarify specifics and plan to revisit agreements to assess their effectiveness.

Anger and resentment can signal unmet needs. Through mourning those needs and practicing self-empathy, we may let go of blame, embrace reality, and reclaim responsibility for fulfilling our own needs. This process may lead to emotional transformation through conscious reflection, and a new outlook.

• Do you know what is yours to do in response to our growing global crises?
• Is nonviolence woven as deeply as you want it into how you live and lead?
• Have you ever experienced what it’s like to participate in an interdependent web of mutual support to fully embody our commitments?
• Are you familiar with how to bring yourself back again and again to aligning with purpose in every moment? 
• Do you see yourself as part of transforming the legacy of scarcity, separation, and powerlessness into a livable future?

Have you ever gotten a fishing line all tangled up? You got so frustrated you just started yanking on the different loops of line, which of course made the knots and tangles even tighter and more difficult to untangle. Wouldn’t it be great if you could notice the minute you were starting to tangle things up in a discussion with your loved one?

Trainer Tip: Our inner critic judges ourselves and other people; and it is the most likely to get scared when we begin to make a change. It holds wisdom for us if we are willing to listen. When we acknowledge our inner critic and empathize with its need, we gain insights into ourselves and we clear the way for resolution.

Trainer Tip: At least once today celebrate yourself and your progress, every step of it. We all have a starting point. No matter where you are in your life, you have made progress. Every mistake, every victory, and every confusing moment can lead you forth and can be something to celebrate.

Rediscover ease and joy in love by transforming how you perceive, receive and embody connection.