NVC Library Search:
helping
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- Support a world where everyone is valued
- Create change in your community using nonviolence
- Communicate your strong beliefs with compassion
- Build a network, get support, practice your skills
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- Reclaim the lost voices of your ancestors
- Understand the impact of collective trauma on your family line
- Open yourself up to have more warmth for yourself and your children
- Restore the flow of love and energy from past generations
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Dear friends,
I greatly enjoyed my annual New Year’s Peace Meditation yesterday. It always brings together NVC enthusiasts from across the world and is one of my favorite traditions for welcoming the New Year!
How was 2024 for you? For me, it was a bumpy ride. There were moments of joy spending time with our 3-year-old grandson, mine and Kim’s first international trip together (a bonafide vacation that was void of work), and precious time with family and friends. There was also heartbreak...
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- Discern what is preventing your communication style from being effective
- Create a communication style that works
- Resolve everyday conflicts and misunderstandings
- Create a deeper sense of connection, trust, and cooperation
- Heal old wounds between you and others, as well as within yourself
- Be the leader and contributor you want to be in any situation
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Create The Level Of Connection You Want
3 Types Of Boundaries
One way of simplifying decision-making in relationships is clarity about the level of contact and connection you want with the people you interact with. This means knowing what you want and don’t want to share, the kinds of activities you do and don’t do together, how often, etc. This can help you chose how to best support your needs in that context, and help you to remember to set life-serving boundaries when you need them.
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The Seven Adjustments
Moving From Pain & Fear to Love
Here are seven self inquiry questions. Half of them can help you assess your NVC consciousness. The other half can help you move from pain, fear, resistance, judgement, criticism, and shame – to love, compassion, understanding, appreciation, curiosity, and more.
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Read how an American Buddhist NVC teacher with Jewish roots reflects on how any dehumanization in the Israel-Hamas conflict can be used to justify all kinds of violence that can escalate for generations. With acknowledgment of the complexities, his desire is for us to bring in respect, dignity and peace -- for both Israelis and Palestinians. He emphasizes compassionate advocacy of all humanity amid the ongoing crisis.
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Ask the Trainer: For many years I have been using crime and punishment (reward and consequences) to discipline because it was the only thing I knew. I knew deep in my heart it was alienating me...
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Trainer tip: Empathy is about being present to a person’s feelings and needs. It is acknowledging another’s experience, not necessarily agreeing with it. If you have a different opinion than another, empathize with her first. Then, state your feelings and needs with regard to the situation.
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Trainer tip: It's often easy for us to hear rejection when someone says “no” to us. If we focus on the rejection, we may feel hurt and fail to take the time to understand what is going on with them. However, if we focus on their feelings and needs, we're more likely to uncover what they want and what prevents them. To increase success in resolving conflicts and find solutions that work for everyone, hear the “yes” behind their "no".
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Trainer Tip: Sometimes you might find yourself in a situation where your need for love is not met. Consider ways in which a partner or friend could meet your need for love. Be sure to request something the other person is capable of doing. Whatever the situation, it is our responsibility to clarify how we can meet our need for love, while also considering the abilities of our loved ones to comply with our requests.
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Roxy Manning emphasizes positive relationships in parenting, highlighting acceptance, understanding, and compromise. She stresses the importance of being aware of one's needs, attuning to the other person's needs, fostering trust, and encouraging open communication, especially with children. The approach involves a balance between meeting both sets of needs for a healthier dynamic.
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Notice when you start to defend. Is your body tensing up? Feeling desperate for the other to understand you or your intentions? Find yourself explaining your behavior, giving all the good reasons why you did what you did? Trying to convince the other of your good intentions? If so, ask yourself: “Is this what I want to be doing right now? Is this really helping?” then practice one of these eight options.
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What is a good baby? If you have been raised in a Western culture, chances are you know the answer right away (whether or not you agree with it). A good baby is one that doesn't cry! The training against vulnerability starts very early in life.
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Ask the Trainer: "I understand that I'm not responsible for someone else's feelings, but my girlfriend doesn't. Do you have ideas for how I could get her to understand this concept?"
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Expressing ourselves honestly is sometimes scary because we can't predict where the conversation will go after we've made ourselves vulnerable. This recording will demonstrate how the power of our honesty is enhanced by ending on a clear and present request.
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Jim and Jori offer a tip to stay present in the face of our reactivity to witnessed conflict.
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Healing and Reconciliation
(7 Session Course)
Old emotional hurts and pains can easily erupt when you’re in the throes of conflict – even if you’re the mediator. Wouldn’t it be lovely if you could avoid all of that, and instead create more peace and happiness for yourself, your family, your co-workers and your community?