No one likes demands. Do you want to have access to choice when requests or demands come your way? Join CNVC Certified Trainer Arnina Kashtan as she provides tools to free yourself from the submit/rebel dynamic.
Trainer Tip: Persisting without demanding is the art of what Marshall Rosenberg fondly called "Dogging for our needs." We can learn to not give up on our needs and at the same time, refrain from demanding they be met.
Trainer Tip: When they say "no", acknowledge what people are saying "yes" to. From there, you persist towards a resolution that values both party's needs, without demand. Persisting is when we try to meet needs by continuing to connect with another. Demanding is when we insist someone do something, or else face negative repercussions. Showing care and willingness to work with people can help...
When we ask something of a person and threaten negative repercussions if she doesn’t comply, we're making a demand. Demands limit the possible responses and reduce joyful participation. Instead, look to find mutually satisfying resolutions. And look for ways to change your demand into a request. Read on for more.
Sylvia Haskvitz offers a practical and effective approach to making requests. Learn the two questions that can clarify your motivation for making a request, three ways to discern a request from a demand, and five possible reasons for meeting requests.
Inbal speaks to a group about our habit of demanding something of our children but making it sound like a request, the components of a true request and the importance of being honest when making a demand.
Trainer tip: Demands are more likely to limit the possibilities and create distance between people. The trick to asking something as a request is valuing everyone’s needs equally. When you value everyone’s needs equally, then you are more willing to come to solutions that satisfy everyone. It thus opens possibilities and helps build connection.
Underlying much of our communication is a request: when we say something, we're usually expecting something else — perhaps something subtle — in return. Let's look at how to make requests clearer and more do-able, avoiding the pitfall of demands.
This 31-minute audio with Miki Kashtan is packed full of power as she uncovers the dynamics of choice that are present 100% of the time, in every situation, regardless of the circumstances.
Trainer Tip: When faced with doing a task that doesn't seem fun try saying to yourself something to the effect of “I do this activity because I value...”. Complete the sentence with related needs, then ask yourself if you still want to complete the task. This can take the demand out of the tasks. Next, choose accordingly. This can teach you about, or give you more access to, true choice in life.
Marshall Rosenberg suggests that there are two requests that are the most transformative to relationships, (1) What’s alive in both of us? and (2) What would make life more wonderful for both of us? This telecourse recording offers an easy-to-digest overview of how carefully crafted requests inspire joyful relationships.
Veteran CNVC Certified Trainer, Sylvia Haskvitz, reviews the key distinctions (sometimes referred to as the key differentiations) in Nonviolent Communication.
In this introduction to Nonviolent Communication (NVC), Wes Taylor discusses the two basic aspects of NVC, the consciousness and the tools that help manifest the consciousness.
2 - 3 minutes
Ask the Trainer: "In trainings I say our jackals are thoughts and now I've come to wonder if all thoughts are jackals...?"
Trainer tip: Be aware of times when you are judging others, demanding, making comparisons, or denying responsibility for your actions. Notice how these communication patterns affect your connection with other people.
Kelly Bryson and Christine King engage in a role play about how to stay connected to a friend whose persistent jackal voices tell her that she is worthless and her life is hopeless.
In this amusing and inspiring video, CNVC Certified Trainers Kelly Bryson and Christine King engage in a role play about a parent talking to a seven year old daughter who is feeling bored.
Using an example from a participant, the trainers engage in a role play to explore how to stay in your heart even when being perceived as a difficult customer by store employees.
In this brief audio snippet, CNVC Certified Trainer and founder of the CNVC Parenting Project, Inbal Kashtan, offers a profound insight that can change how we see and relate to our children.
Trainer Tip: Anger can be an opportunity to hear the "Please" behind the words and create a path to resolve conflicts compassionately.