Search the NVC Library

Control may help us feel safe in an unpredictable, unsafe, wild world. Wanting control may be a response to shielding ourselves from feeling fear and being aware of our vulnerability. The more we insulate from fear, discomfort, and vulnerability, the more we are cut off from aliveness; we can become more anxious, and depressed. The more we control the more we are disconnected from empathy and care. With aliveness come joy, peace, love, awe.

Total inclusion is impossible: inclusion of all can often lead to exclusion of those who can't bear the behaviors of some. Many groups flounder and disintegrate because of too much inclusion. Limited resources and capacities may make it necessary to exclude. Keeping more coherent shared values and strategies may be another reason to place membership conditions so that what appears to be exclusion may give movements a chance to expand.

How excited do you get about connecting with people who are proving themselves right and who act like they know it all? Do you prefer the company of not-knowers who are in awe of the mystery of life and exploring with humility and innocent curiosity? Masking our vulnerability in not-knowing can point to deep wounds inside us, where perhaps the common denominator is our desire to prove our worth.

Even leaders we admire may exhibit behaviors that could be labeled as abusive, at least slightly. This includes not treating followers as equals, using charm, and hiding or twisting truth. In such scenarios a key reason for this is loneliness. If we're using our work and position primarily to gain for appreciation, acknowledgement, and acceptance then we need to examine our own loneliness. We need feedback to keep such conduct in check.

• Learn how to use empathy to dissolve conflict
• Deepen your NVC skills to help let go of judgments
• Explore approaches for asking for what you want
• Listen to the conflict within yourself

• Explore the spiritual foundations of NVC
• Witness transformational and healing processes led by Robert Gonzales
• Learn from the questions proposed by participants
• Gain processes that support a consciousness of the “Beauty of Needs”

Two NVC trainers went into dangerous, war torn territory to share the skills they found so valuable but end up learning that they need to first apply those skills before those they came to help could receive what they had to offer. Only when the foundation of connection and trust was built could they mediate the conflicts using empathic communication.

Trainer Tip: While everyone's feelings are a result of their own met or unmet needs it's still important that we take responsibility for our actions. This means acknowledging when our behaviors are a stimulus for another's pain, and expressing regret -- to support our own needs for care and consideration. In the process, taking responsibility where it's due in this way can enhance and deepen our relationships.

First, on the personal side… I’ve already planted half of my vegetable garden and it was so completely enjoyable. Remember how challenging this was for me a couple of years ago? My inner jackal did have a few things to say this year, but not nearly as many as in past years. And, I gave her loads of empathy so we made it through. I am thrilled about this. I can’t wait to see my seedlings pop up! If it’s a successful garden, I’ll share pictures in a future letter.

“The Embodied Spirituality of Nonviolent Communication” is an introduction to NVC created from recordings of trainings Robert Gonzales offered in Hawaii in 2007 on the islands of Maui and Kauai. 

This collection is a celebration of Robert's life and one way we can honor his outstanding work.

The original product was a set of DVDs. NVC Academy has converted the original 3 DVD set into 5 mp4 videos. We have taken care to preserve the original product while simultaneously upgrading to HD video and remastering the audio in this new mp4 format.

What does nonviolence have to do with group facilitation?

Miki Kashtan believes that nonviolence is a way of being and living that orients us in all our thoughts, words and deeds toward the integration of truth, love and courage. All nonviolent individual and collective actions are aimed at preserving what serves life and challenging what does not. Facilitation is one clear path for bringing nonviolence to the world!

How can we act now, as facilitators, as if the world of our dreams, the Beloved Community, is already in place?

Inbal offers parents and anyone with children in their life a lucid discussion of the important role self-empathy plays in creating healthy, supportive relationships.

• Connect the dots between NVC basic practices and the deeper "why" behind them
• Discover how NVC can support us in bringing tenderness to all of humanity
• Learn how to tie the NVC approach to liberation and vision
• Explore the many ways the tools of NVC support the path of liberation!

Discover how fostering strong attachment and connection with your child can lead to fewer conflicts and more harmonious interactions. Ingrid Bauer offers practical guidance on using empathy, self-connection, and consistent care to create a secure and loving environment for your child.

As a beginner in NVC, you might find your attempts to practice your NVC only increases conflict, disconnection and upset in your interactions with people.  Or perhaps people start seeing you as inauthentic. From there, you may find yourself sinking deeper into self-judgement. In this article, Jim Manske shows us how to shift these potential unintended outcomes, into deeper NVC consciousness that brings in more warmth, presence and open-hearted connection.

What's the real reason you choose to talk about something or not? "Privacy" can become a misplaced label that's used to hide harmful behaviour. Secrets typically come from reactivity -- and can carry shame, fear or threat of harm, and take a toll. And yet, if something private gets mislabeled as a "secret" it can also trigger shame and fear. The key to all this may be in relating to privacy from a place of clear differentiation, boundaries, agency, care and discernment.

In general, criticism is a reactive response discomfort. When someone criticizes, they are not yet able or willing take responsibility for their needs. All criticism is a tragic expression of feelings and unmet needs. When you meet that criticism skillfully you not only care for yourself, you can facilitate clarity, and constructive communication, about what the other person is truly asking for.