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  1. Working With “No” To Deepen Self-Connection

    Working With “No” To Deepen Self-Connection

    Inbal Kashtan, Miki Kashtan

    Practice Exercises · 1 - 2 minutes · 2/27/2022

    Use this exercise to stay in dialogue and connect to needs while facing a “no”. Identify a situation where you have low confidence that you'll get your needs met, and it'll be hard hearing a “no” to your request. Explore your response to the “no” by working with feelings, needs, request and alternate strategies. Thus you can work towards meeting your needs while also releasing the idea that your needs “have to” be met.

  2. Research shows that couples with a secure bond experience arguments that are shorter, lower in intensity, and easier to recover from. Building and keeping a secure bond with your partner requires mindfulness and consistency: respond to what’s needed or supportive in a given moment; give them your full attention and affection in a spacious greeting; conveying care, consideration, and that they matter and are seen.

  3. Find Space Between Needs And Strategies

    Find Space Between Needs And Strategies

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 4 - 6 minutes · 1/26/2023

    Confidence, flexibility, creativity and equanimity may become more possible when you would like someone to meet a particular need, can trust that you can meet that need with someone else, and can accept a “no” to your requests. You can allow grief or disappointment to arise, and naturally turn towards a relationship in which those needs can be met. In some cases this may lead to the dissolution of a partnership or friendship.

  4. Healing And Repair After A Triggering Comment

    Healing And Repair After A Triggering Comment

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 6 - 9 minutes · 2/4/2023

    How to get past the sting of a painful comment? Get empathy from self or another. Then connect with the commenter's feelings and needs. The more you can do this the less personally you may take it. Then work together on specific, do-able, authentic agreement about doing something differently next time, the kind that will enable you both to shift out of reactivity. Three things need to be in place for that to work.

  5. Roxy Manning discusses the tendency to get attached to certain parenting strategies for control and emphasizes the importance of attuning to the child's needs rather than imposing fixed ideas of right or wrong. Using a personal example of being labeled a "bad child" for taking off uncomfortable dresses, Roxy highlights the need to observe and understand the child's perspective. She stresses the importance of moving away from rigid ideas about the perfect strategy and instead focusing on what is happening in the moment to better address both the child's and the parent's needs. Roxy encourages flexibility in parenting strategies and urges parents to check in on their motivations for seeking control.

  6. Confidentiality Agreement

    Confidentiality Agreement

    Miki Kashtan

    Trainer Tips · 4 - 6 minutes · 7/28/2010

    Ask the Trainer: "A participant in our beginners' NVC practice group asked the co-facilitators if there was a confidentiality agreement that was typically used in NVC practice groups?"

  7. One of the premises in NVC is that behind all behavior and expressions are Universal Human Needs as the deeper motivators. And one of the key distinctions in NVC is that between Needs and Strategies. Try Alan Seid's exercise called  "Peeling the Layers of the Onion, " a process for uncovering these needs — the deeper motivations — that underlie words and behaviors we may find disturbing or puzzling.

  8. Clarifying What You Value

    Clarifying What You Value

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 10/21/2022

    Trainer Tip: Make a clear, conscious decision about what’s important to you, and then live from that place. This can support you to become less attached to being likeable or accepted, And less affected in a way you don't want, by others opinions of you and your choices. This can further support you to live in integrity.

  9. Heaven And Hell

    Heaven And Hell

    Alan Rafael Seid

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 9/3/2022

    Read this short Japanese parable that symbolically illustrates the outcomes of having a competitive mindset – in contrast to an interdependent, collaborative one where everyone wins. It’s a story that encapsulates part of the spirit of NVC.

  10. Just as setting boundaries is beneficial to relationships, NOT setting boundaries can come at a big cost. Listen to Yvetter Erasmus share her experience with boundary setting.

  11. Eric Bowers explains how needs and strategies correlate to different brain hemispheres, and how relaxing into our needs opens us to greater possibilities.

  12. Hearing Challenging Comments and Stretching into Love

    Hearing Challenging Comments and Stretching into Love

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 3 - 5 minutes · 8/12/2023

    When feeling unworthy, powerless, or afraid, we can hear others' comments as criticism, rejection, demands, limits, or attacks. Practice self-compassion, release attachments, and ask “How can I stretch the boundaries of who I believe myself to be, in service of love?”. Try replacing love with a word that inspires you (e.g. freedom, thriving, etc). Note answers that arise later. Or explore the question with a trusted person or in a journal. Read on for examples.

  13. Expressing Anger Peacefully

    Expressing Anger Peacefully

    Raj Gill

    Audio · 1 hour, 16 minutes · 7/29/2010

    In this prerecorded telecourse, Raj Gil uses an interactive dialogue and proven exercises to help you develop a profoundly healthy response to anger, right in the moment.

  14. This chart is intended as an aid to translating words that are often confused with feelings. These words imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame. To use this list, when somebody says “I’m feeling rejected,” you might translate this as: “Are you feeling scared because you have a need for inclusion?”
  15. Sharing NVC With Others

    Sharing NVC With Others

    Miki Kashtan

    Audio · 1 hour, 20 minutes · 7/28/2010

    In this prerecorded telecourse, Miki Kashtan uses an interactive dialogue to address some of the most common questions among new NVC facilitators and trainers.

  16. Is NVC Always, in the End, “Just One-on-One”?

    Is NVC Always, in the End, “Just One-on-One”?

    Miki Kashtan

    Trainer Tips · 3 - 5 minutes · 7/28/2010

    Ask the Trainer: "Can you share stories of transforming group conflict, or is NVC strictly intended for 'one-on-one' work?"

  17. Transforming Painful Patterns

    Transforming Painful Patterns

    Arnina Kashtan

    Practice Exercises · 7 pages · 7/29/2010

    Why is it so difficult to change our patterns even when we want to, even when we experience shame or despair about them? Arnina Kashtan offers some of the common pitfalls and concrete steps to overcome them in the future.

  18. Baby Giraffes: NVC Parenting of Children Under 5 (3 Session Course)

    Baby Giraffes: NVC Parenting of Children Under 5 (3 Session Course)

    Ingrid Bauer

    Multi-session Course · 3 hours, 26 minutes · 10/10/2017

    This 3-part telecourse recording explores what it means to practice “power with” parenting with babies, toddlers and preschoolers. Ingrid has been teaching and writing about very young children for a decade and has a special passion for this age range.

  19. Learning the Practice of Being in Empathy

    Learning the Practice of Being in Empathy

    (2 Session Course)

    Mary Mackenzie, Raj Gill

    Multi-session Course · 2 hours, 29 minutes · 5/3/2018

    Join CNVC Certified Trainers, Raj Gill and Mary Mackenzie as they explore the Nonviolent Communication process of Empathy.  This audio will support people with a basic understanding of Nonviolent Communication who want to deepen their ability for empathic presence.

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