Ask the Trainer: "In trainings I say our jackals are thoughts and now I've come to wonder if all thoughts are jackals...?" Ask the Trainer Hello Trainer, If all jackals are thoughts, are all thoughts jackals? In trainings I say our jackals are thoughts and now I've come to wonder if all thoughts are jackals. Even if we think, "it's a beautiful day," are we in jackal? Or is it more our judgmental and blaming thoughts which are jackals? Can it be said that when we are in our heads and thinking, we are in jackal consciousness / stuck in thoughts? And when we are in our hearts, we are in giraffe, connected to feelings and needs. For some time I saw jackals as wrong (jackaling my jackals), and I'm really trying to embrace my jackal by listening and responding. If you have other thoughts / exercises on jackals and embracing them, I'd love to hear about it / them. —M.O. Trainer Answer from Miki Kashtan: Dear M.O., You raise a number of issues in your question that I would like to address. I would like to start by saying that I don't see all thoughts as jackal. In fact, I don't think that anything IS or ISN'T jackal in any simple way. I am more interested in the intention and quality of consciousness than in the form that something takes. For a very simple example, all that I am writing here is nothing but thoughts, and yet I don't think of what I am writing here as jackal. My intention is to support connection and understanding, so the thoughts I am sharing here are in the service of that intention. For me the key question is not whether certain words are a thought or not, but rather what is the consciousness from which these words arise. My guess is that we focus as much as we do on thoughts of negative judgments, blame, demands, etc. because such thoughts more often than not contribute to separation and fear rather than to connection and trust. Still, even a thought such as "It's a beautiful day" could contribute to separation in some contexts. Just imagine that I am sharing something of deep pain and meaning for me, and you respond to it by saying "It's a beautiful day." I would likely experience that expression as disconnection. Another issue I would like to address is the separation that I so often hear between "head" and "heart," and my discomfort with the implicit assumption I often hear in that distinction that "heart" is "better" than "head." My personal wish is to live in a way that integrates the two, so that my head and my heart are both united in serving needs. Lastly, I want to suggest that every thought, including every "jackal" thought, is simply a strategy, an attempt to meet needs – for making sense of the world, for creating inner peace, for having hope for addressing my needs in the future, or what have you. If I look at it this way, then I am less inclined to see jackal as "wrong" and more inclined to embrace my needs, which are presently being expressed through my jackal. Hope this helps, —Miki Kashtan, Oakland, California, USA Trainer Answer from Liv Larsson: Dear M.O., As I see it, thoughts are part of being human. Our thoughts can be judging or just stating what we, for example, see. I see a car versus I see an ugly car. So if what you mean is that jackals are thoughts that create a distance between us and the world around us, I don't see all thoughts as jackals. Thoughts can be an immense help in creating connection, for example when we are trying to really sort out what did happen in a certain situation, or getting to a present request about something that would make life more wonderful for us or somebody else. When I hear words like "When we are up in our head thinking, we are not connecting to life," I get really worried that we will miss the good intention behind somebody focusing on what they are thinking. With the help of NVC I would like us to practice and to stretch our empathetic muscles when we hear somebody expressing thoughts. We can use our skills and help them also connect more with what they might be feeling and needing. But if we believe that there is something wrong or jackal-like with thoughts or thinking, then we risk not getting connected. I think there are many different styles of connecting with our hearts. Some do it through connection to their emotions, some through their bodies, some through their thinking. There could be a lot to say about this, but I'll leave it like this and hope that it might give some inspiration, maybe even inspiration to further question this subject. Warmly, —Liv Larsson, Sweden Keywords: jackal thinking demands expression feelings giraffe and jackal blame compassion connection intention judgment Liv Larsson Miki Kashtan