If we are to transform the existing social order, and shift to a mode of liberation for all, we'll need to look at our own participation in it. This includes how much we are able to focus on keeping our hearts open; speak to impact without attributing intention; and retain a humility that includes our systemic context. Read on for "how to" when we are in a position of less power.

Giving feedback across a differences in culture, race, and power isn't something that we have to do -- but we can choose to do it for our own liberation, if we want. And if we choose that path, impact delivered well can invite caring for all needs and increase capacity to learn. This is the exacting, rigorous work of speaking about impact without attributing anything to the person whose actions...

Trainer Tip: We all want to be valued in our totality, to be loved even when we make mistakes. Wouldn’t we also like to offer this to ourselves? Compassion is about seeing the humanness in everyone, including ourselves. One way to express compassion is to remember your entire relationship and history of love with someone as a whole, rather than focusing on one disappointing incident.

This chart is intended as an aid to translating words that are often confused with feelings. These words imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame. To use this list, when somebody says “I’m feeling rejected,” you might translate this as: “Are you feeling scared because you have a need for inclusion?”

Trainer Tip: Notice if something within your agency will bring you the serenity you want. If not, then notice the needs you are trying to meet by wanting to take that action. Then then choose another action that's more likely to have the desired effect.

Two NVC trainers went into dangerous, war torn territory to share the skills they found so valuable but end up learning that they need to first apply those skills before those they came to help could receive what they had to offer. Only when the foundation of connection and trust was built could they mediate the conflicts using empathic communication.

Total inclusion is impossible: inclusion of all can often lead to exclusion of those who can't bear the behaviors of some. Many groups flounder and disintegrate because of too much inclusion. Limited resources and capacities may make it necessary to exclude. Keeping more coherent shared values and strategies may be another reason to place membership conditions so that what appears to be...

Trainer Tip: Ready to start a fight because you're right? Consider another strategy.

Learn to recognize four forms of thinking and speaking that are likely to lead to disconnection.

Ask the Trainer: "Recently, I was sitting in my weekly practice group trying to connect to my reasons for wanting to give empathy to a particular person. She was telling us about some painful feeling she was having, but was not connecting to her needs."