Trainer Tip: When someone acts in baffling ways we can either wonder about what’s going on with the other person, create our own stories about it (blame, resent, make assumptions), or inform ourselves by asking. This is an opportunity to learn something new.

In some situations you might expect people to show a degree of maturity or skill. When they don't, your anger-fueled response doesn't lead to lasting improved relationship change. Instead, find someone who retains focus on your feelings and needs rather than colluding with you about what should(n't) be. This can support greater acceptance, grief, vulnerability, groundedness and discernment,...

In these exercises, you'll transform your urge to rebel with punishment or reward. Punishing can include withholding love or other necessities, attacking verbally with insults or name calling (directly or with others), giving a "dirty look," or attacking physically. With these exercises you'll allow space for your urge. You'll also explore needs, benefits, consequences, and lternatives.

You value generosity and you often give easily from the heart. There are those times, however, when you get snagged by a sense of obligation. You feel tense and resentful. You don't want to continue with this attitude, but how can you reconnect with the desire to give from the heart? Let’s touch on three essential elements that support giving from the heart: choice, mourning, and acceptance.

When you say yes, check if you are saying it out of submission. Similarly, when you say no, are you saying it genuinely or out of rebellion? Marshall Rosenberg calls this a loss or erosion of goodwill which can destroy or undermine relationships. In this video, Rachelle Lamb shares how submission and rebellion in communication can diminish your power.

When you or anyone is upset, what could underneath the trigger? There may be more than is immediately visible. This article invites us to explore what it looks like to inquire deeper, take self-responsibility, examine our assumptions, attachments, interpretations, and "certainties" that could be hidden behind the needs that are aching to be attended to...

You may want to shift power dynamics in intimate and family relationships -- especially if there's longstanding, unprocessed hurts. Reflect on where, when and with whom you tend to enter reactive “power over” patterns. Explore the feelings and needs that are up for you in those contexts. Imagine other ways that could meet your needs in, or before, those moments. In this way, in similar...

This chart is intended as an aid to translating words that are often confused with feelings. These words imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame. To use this list, when somebody says “I’m feeling rejected,” you might translate this as: “Are you feeling scared because you have a need for inclusion?”

Have you been nice? Well then you must be enjoying the reward: depression, intermittent explosiveness, job meaninglessness, ambiguous anxiety, low resentment and subtle self hate. The antidotes: honesty, passion and compassion.

Notice situations where you're attending to another and giving up on your needs with resentment or a sense of submitting. You can also watch for “shoulds,” obligation, and black-and-white thinking around the support you offer. Is there a sense that if you don't carry out a particular action something bad will happen? If so, identify the needs at hand and brainstorm a variety of strategies to...

When someone behaves in a way that you may label convincing, cajoling, guilt-tripping, threatening, analyzing, or criticizing, you may be tempted to guess they have a "need" for control. Instead, name what this person is doing that isn't meeting your needs. If it is a true need your heart will have softened. If you feel resentment or resistance, you are likely making a judgment rather than...

Trainer Tip: Never Compromise, because that is where you share the resentment 50/50.

Do you find yourself giving in with growing resentment? Do you avoid conflict and explode later without apparent reason? Miki Kashtan, a world-renowned CNVC Certified Trainer, invites you to listen to this two-session telecourse recording to re-imagine and fine tune your skills at dealing with disagreements and negotiations.

Tolerating reactivity, name-calling, blaming, guilt-tripping, or stonewalling can lead to resentment and hurt. Plus, the more you stay in a reactive dynamic, the more you are likely to reinforce the pattern. Setting life-serving boundaries around reactivity is about letting another know that you aren’t going to participate in that kinds of dynamics. This means knowing what helps with handling...

Where do you feel desperation, resentment, anger about your partner's choices? What do you want to demand of them? Rather than looking for what they're suppose to do, look for your feelings and needs, how would you would respond if you trusted your needs could be met without your partner, and what you choose to do given what your partner offers and does not offer.

What parent hasn't experienced a surge of protectiveness when your child hurts their sibling? Our cultural training calls us to immediately take two roles: the judge, determining who was wrong and what the consequences will be, and the police, enforcing the consequences. These thankless jobs often result in frustration, resentment, pain, for all. Read on for an example of how empathy...

When you don't have a sense of being heard you can apply skills to help you can interrupt cycles of reactivity and resentment, and create connection. Let's look at six ways that will support you in being heard. These are clarity about the topic and needs; supportive conditions; respect for autonomy; sharing your intention; attending to emotional security; and making clear requests.

When an entity or system has authority or power and mandates something we don't agree with we may submit or to rebel. If we submit, we give in or give up, often out of fear. If we rebel, we're in reactivity which may not help our cause, and reduce our power. This may result in others' resentment, anger, and pain. Gandhi and Martin Luther King didn't submit nor rebel. Instead, they were in choice...

Trainer tip: NVC focuses on shared human values and needs, and encourages the use of language that increases good will -- plus avoidance of language that contributes to resentment or lowered self-esteem. It emphasizes taking personal responsibility for choices and improving the quality of relationships as a primary goal. For today, focus on making observations without moralistic judgment in at...

When someone offers continual unsoliticed feedback or advice, setting a boundary may not be easy if you care about how they might hear you. And if you don't set a boundary, you may eventually become resentful and say something you regret. Instead, here are six ways to respond, with varying degrees of effectiveness.