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  1. Empathy vs. Sympathy

    Empathy vs. Sympathy

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 3/28/2021

    Trainer Tip: When we sympathize, we relate an aspect of someone’s story to ourselves. When we empathize, we reflect the feelings and needs of the other. Empathy helps people connect more deeply to their own and another’s pain, and helps resolve issues with clarity and ease. Notice when you're giving someone sympathy rather than empathy.

  2. Evaluating Ourselves with Compassion

    Evaluating Ourselves with Compassion

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 4/15/2021

    Trainer Tip: Every time you criticize yourself, you cause yourself to feel shame and guilt, which promotes depression and stagnation. Instead, bringing in more self compassion can increase opportunities for change. Do this by acknowledging your needs (or values) that aren’t met by your actions. Read on for how to do this.

  3. Change Your Thoughts to Change Your World

    Change Your Thoughts to Change Your World

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 5/12/2021

    Trainer Tip: Changing your thoughts can change the way people experience you. Just for today, see if you can notice when you have judgmental thoughts about yourself or other people. Then look to translate those thoughts into your feelings and needs. Read on for an example of how this works.

  4. Meeting Our Need for Trust

    Meeting Our Need for Trust

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 6/8/2021

    Trainer Tip: When you suspect someone is lying, consider how it may be less important what the truth is. Instead, notice whether your need for trust is met. Without blame, nor labelling. you can make specific requests to meet your needs, while also respecting the other person’s needs. Read on for more.

  5. Taking the First Step

    Taking the First Step

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 8/1/2021

    Trainer Tip: If you're doing personal growth work, and changing your behaviors, you may find yourself wanting others to join your efforts with similar levels of enthusiasm. When they don't do so, you may feel frustrated and place judgments on them, thinking they aren't as caring. You'll be less likely to feel disappointed in people if you remind yourself that when you do personal growth work, what needs you are meeting for yourself.

  6. Defusing Self-Sabotage

    Defusing Self-Sabotage

    Sarah Peyton

    Downloadable Courses · ·

    Every one of us is impacted many times each day by micro-freezes that are the resulting fallout from both recent and long ago painful events. During this powerfully healing course, Sarah will walk you through a unforgettable tour of neuroscience, and succinctly demonstrate how NVC and neuroscience together can change your brain and enable your life to become both more fluid and far more resilient.

  7. Meeting Our Need for Creativity

    Meeting Our Need for Creativity

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 9/24/2021

    Anytime you create something new in your life, you can fulfill your need for creativity. Expand your concept of what it means to be creative. Read on for examples.

  8. Acting in Accordance With Our Values

    Acting in Accordance With Our Values

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 10/21/2021

    Trainer Tip: Your every action has an effect on other people’s lives. The nature of the impact may not be obvious to us, but that doesn’t diminish its presence. The next time you are tempted to snap at someone or cut in front of another driver, consider whether you’d like to be their story that evening. Consider whether this is the kind of contribution you’d like to make to their life.

  9. Meeting Our Need for Order

    Meeting Our Need for Order

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 11/23/2021

    Trainer Tip: Someone’s strategy for meeting needs may look different from yours, but it doesn’t mean they aren’t meeting them. This can happen when they appear to be messy and disorganized, but from their perspective they have it organized. It's just less apparent to you how they have organized it. Read on for a related anecdote.

  10. The Value of Change

    The Value of Change

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 12/29/2021

    Trainer Tip: Wanting collaboration? Show you value the other person's needs as much as your own. After you both feel heard, you can make joint decisions about specifics of the agreement, such as "division of work", "scope of project", "when the action will take place", "how it'll be done" and "timing of follow up to see how things went". Read on for an example of how this is applied to asking someone to pitch in with doing chores.

  11. Living the Self-in-Life

    Living the Self-in-Life

    Robert Gonzales

    Downloadable Courses · ·

    • Deepen your capacity for self-acceptance and self-compassion
    • Bring greater compassion to your relationships
    • Increase your capacity for vulnerability and mourning
    • Enhance your sense of trusting your own place in life, as well as your purpose
  12. Keeping Our Perspective

    Keeping Our Perspective

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 5/7/2022

    Trainer Tip: We all want to be valued in our totality, to be loved even when we make mistakes. Wouldn’t we also like to offer this to ourselves? Compassion is about seeing the humanness in everyone, including ourselves. One way to express compassion is to remember your entire relationship and history of love with someone as a whole, rather than focusing on one disappointing incident.

  13. Don’t Assume You Know What Other People Need

    Don’t Assume You Know What Other People Need

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 6/3/2022

    Trainer Tip: Sometimes when we look to fix someone's problems we think we're doing it to make them feel better, but in reality we are uncomfortable and we want to feel better. Instead of assuming you know what their problem is or what they need, listen deeply. Your listening presence can bring relief to the both of you and provide additional opportunities for healing. And along the way they may find their own way to a solution.

  14. The Importance of Making Requests

    The Importance of Making Requests

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 7/8/2022

    Trainer Tip: Requests include a specific action to help us get our needs met. If we have a complaint or in conflict, and we don’t make specific requests, people are left guessing and/or wondering about what will meet our needs. Our chances for getting our needs met can then become limited. Instead, try ending with a request to let the other person know exactly what you would like to happen.

  15. How To Know If Someone Has Been Heard

    How To Know If Someone Has Been Heard

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 6/11/2022

    Trainer Tip: People tend to look, act, and sound softer when they have been more fully heard. If you're unsure whether someone has been heard and you want to be cautious, you may ask them, “Is there anything else you’d like me to hear?”. If you try to reason with or educate them before they're heard, they'll likely respond negatively. After they're heard, you may notice a willingness on their part to listen and proceed.

  16. Creating More Efficient Meetings

    Creating More Efficient Meetings

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 8/22/2022

    Trainer Tip: Meetings can be unproductive when the participants aren’t clear about their needs or what they want from the group. When participants express opinions without expressing a need or informing the group of what they want, the meeting lacks clarity. Instead, if we can focus on naming our needs and make related requests, we can get closer to resolution much faster and enjoy the process more. Read on for an example.

  17. Living Peacefully, Starting With Our Physical Selves

    Living Peacefully, Starting With Our Physical Selves

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 8/28/2022

    Trainer Tip: When looking to create healthier habits for your body, consider what needs those habits support -- such as integrity, nurturing, or love. Then consider the ways your body supports your life, and if you want to live in harmony with your body. If you make loving your body as natural as brushing your teeth or making your bed in the morning, you can bring deeper peace into your life.

  18. Striving for Win-Win Resolutions

    Striving for Win-Win Resolutions

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 9/15/2022

    Trainer Tip: Strive for win-win resolutions where no one loses. Try this rather than deciding things by the majority or compromise, where one or more parties feel dissatisfied with the resolution because it involves an element of giving in. An alternative is shifting; both people connect to the needs they are trying to meet, and in doing so, one person makes an honest shift to contribute to the other person’s needs and life.

  19. Meeting Our Need for Rest

    Meeting Our Need for Rest

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 11/8/2022

    Trainer Tip: We all have different ways to meet our need for rest. It's important to notice when you need that time. You might know you need rest when you find yourself snapping at people on the phone, when you snap at your cat, or when you ignore your partner. Rather than behave in ways that you might regret, consider doing something that will help you meet your need for rest. Everyone in your life will benefit.

  20. Making Requests to Enrich Our Lives

    Making Requests to Enrich Our Lives

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 11/17/2022

    Trainer Tip: When you make a request of someone, you don't diminish your relationship; you enhance it. If you receive a "no" to your request, consider brainstorming a different strategy that would meet your needs. It isn’t a sign of weakness to clarify what you would like. It helps you commit to living a full and joyful life. Look for opportunities to clarify your requests.

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