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Trainer Tip: Do you ever think you’re taking life just a little too seriously? Many of us work hard trying to improve our outlook, our ability to communicate, and our lives. Sometimes we work so hard, we forget to enjoy life. So let’s make a pact to enjoy our day.

Our world trains us to think in terms of providing for everyone’s needs because they deserve it, earned it, or they possess the resources -- it's fair, socially just, supports equality or because people have rights. Instead, can we step outside this worldview to look at providing for everyone’s needs because those needs exist -- can we hold this basic reverence for life? Are we able to have a needs-based dialogue when such a reframe could alienate those who live in the worldview of earn/deserve?

Trainer tip: Various life circumstances that can seem to be something that we don't want, and we may think of them as bad. And then later the situation may reveal that it's a circumstance that we do want, and we may think of it as good. Instead, of evaluating our day as good or bad we can acknowledge the feelings and needs that are present. Read on for a few anecdotes that illustrate this.

Trainer Tip: When we respond in a way that is less than our ideal in terms of using NVC, we don't have to give up and think we are no good at NVC or that NVC doesn't work!

The way we talk to one another, and think about or react to our lives, may seem "normal" but eventually, this may reach a point where we realize something isn't working, and we make adjustments. But often the suffering continues if we aren't addressing root causes. In studying NVC we can become more aware of what we are doing and its effects -- plus imagine and implement alternatives that lead to greater fulfillment for self and others.

Here's a list of words that pose as feelings, but are actually interpretations of what you think someone is doing to you. They trigger defensiveness in another thereby preventing a connected dialogue. Behind each of these words are precious feelings and needs. This sheet includes ways to distinguish feelings from interpretations.

Certified CNVC trainer Roxy Manning, Phd, answers a question: how do we use the term "harm" in NVC? Think of the word "harm" as an unmet need, practice observation to identify the need or needs that are not met.

Eric Bowers explains how needs and strategies correlate to different brain hemispheres, and how relaxing into our needs opens us to greater possibilities.

For many, the word “need” is associated with lack, neediness, and scarcity. These associations are the opposite of the meaning of needs in Nonviolent Communication (NVC). In NVC, needs are the motivational energy of our innate wholeness and desire to grow, like the energy of a plant pushing it up through the soil and toward the sun.

One of the premises in NVC is that behind all behavior and expressions are Universal Human Needs as the deeper motivators. And one of the key distinctions in NVC is that between Needs and Strategies. Try Alan Seid's exercise called  "Peeling the Layers of the Onion, " a process for uncovering these needs — the deeper motivations — that underlie words and behaviors we may find disturbing or puzzling.

Trainer Tip: Today, when you tell yourself that you "have to" or "should" do something, notice what you feel and experience - is it a sense of duty, obligation, guilt, shame, overwhelm, constriction, heaviness? Then consider the underlying needs you are trying to meet with the activity. This can shift the purpose and intention with an energy that motivates our actions can bring empowerment and joy to our lives.

We can see anger as an alarm or signal that can inform us that unmet needs require attention, or that we hold judgements. We can shift our own anger in several healthy ways: get present, identify the stimulus and any judgements or unmet needs, look for ways to meet our needs, make requests that support our needs, express our needs to ourselves and appropriate others, and more.

Trainer Tip: Mary explains the NVC principle known as the "protective use of force."

John Kinyon leads participants through two Observation Exercises to strengthen their ability to be present.  Through the exercises, John distinguishes the difference between feelings, which are emotions felt inside the body, and observations which are witness to our experience.

Trainer Tip: Using NVC as a tool to transform our judgments can revolutionize our perceptions and relationships.

The focus on patriarchy emerges from the understanding that patriarchy plays a foundational role in everything. Yes, I mean it: everything. Patriarchy is not the same as sexism; patriarchy is to sexism very much what structural racism is to (interpersonal) racism: it's a system that runs independently of any one person's attitudes or behaviors. Join Miki for her first in a series of discussions on patriarchy.

Trainer Tip: Acknowledge that the person’s life has been affected by your actions and enjoy the feeling of warmth you have when you contribute to a life. Try verbally acknowledging how you feel when you hear that you have enhanced her life.

Trainer tip: Be aware of your inner jackal chatter today and make a commitment to listen for the underlying needs they are trying to tell you about.

• Learn how to transform NVC into a tool for systemic awareness and healing
• Examine the influence of difference, and uncover pathways that strengthen its capacity
• Learn to receive and offer feedback on impact in situations fraught with power differences
• Explore specific ways in which NVC systemically supports the full flowering of humanity
• Delve into the dynamics of cultural differences, and discover how NVC can systemically contribute to a liberation perspective

Trainer Tip: If you're doing personal growth work, and changing your behaviors, you may find yourself wanting others to join your efforts with similar levels of enthusiasm. When they don't do so, you may feel frustrated and place judgments on them, thinking they aren't as caring. You'll be less likely to feel disappointed in people if you remind yourself that when you do personal growth work, what needs you are meeting for yourself.