
Search Results: shame
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Ask the Trainer: "I have the understanding that the unconscious is vast compared to conscious mind. When I state 'needs' how well can I depend on there being something beneath my awareness that is actually the motivation?"
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Ask the Trainer: “I would love some clarity about the NVC perspective on the cause of our feelings. It seems to me that my needs may be met or not, but the cause of my painful feelings is my story around the situation.”
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Listen to this short 3 session telecourse recording with CNVC Certified Trainer Christine King, and you will learn how to honor the wisdom that your anger, fear, shame and other BIG emotions have for you.
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Listen to Jim and Jori Manske share how we are conditioned to disconnect from our own feelings and how we can unlearn this habit to experience more full and rich inner lives.
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Listen to Jim and Jori Manske share their understanding of discernment to gain clarity, insight, and wisdom for making life-serving distinctions and choices.
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Inbal answers a parent's question about praise and offers a perspective on how praise translates into the NVC framework.
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How is empathy in the workplace a professional skill? If you are ready to learn why and how empathy is the critical factor to more productivity, profitability and collaboration in the workplace, this recording is for you!
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NVC practice is based on several key assumptions and intentions. When we live based on these assumptions and intentions, self-connection and connection with others become increasingly possible and easy, helping us contribute to a world where everyone’s needs are attended to peacefully.
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Trainer Tip: Q: How do we get the love we want? A: Ask for it.
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Recently, I have been pondering anger, how I express it and the jackal story I tell myself about it. Marshall Rosenberg taught that anger is a natural emotion that is based on a judgment of someone else or myself. I agree with this, so I have been doing some “enemy images” and self-empathy work (and praying for those who are most likely to be the recipients of my anger). My goal was to clear my judgments and take responsibility for my “stuff.” It has helped a lot, and yet I still feel a general anger in me that is not directly related to anyone or any specific situation.
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Trainer Tip: Every single time you say or do something, even when you experience pain or regret, you are trying to meet a need. Forgiveness begins when we acknowledge the needs we were trying to meet in the situation.
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In learning how to re-invent the economic system so that it distributes resources in a way that includes as many people's needs as possible, we would need to be in a process of mutual influence with one another. However, addressing resource distribution can be complex when people in different social locations have 1.)a different sense of what's considered "enough" 2.) different capacities to find creative strategies that work within the given limitations, and 3.)different levels of self-doubt, shame and capacity to put their concerns and needs on the table. Can we collectively create conditions that support people to stretch productively so that included in the outcome are the needs, perspectives, ideas, and concerns of people who are less powerful? What needs to be in place to support the way towards a better future?
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Trainer tip: NVC focuses on shared human values and needs, and encourages the use of language that increases good will -- plus avoidance of language that contributes to resentment or lowered self-esteem. It emphasizes taking personal responsibility for choices and improving the quality of relationships as a primary goal. For today, focus on making observations without moralistic judgment in at least two of your interactions.
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Here's a brief anecdote showing how one woman was able transform a situation, where a man was about to assault or rape her. She responded in a creative way that lead them both to see each others' humanity -- navigating them both to safety. As part of her ingenuity he ended up spending the night in her house, in another room.
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- Support family, community, and organizations to realign with life
- Get the building blocks of integrative decisions that work for all
- Learn to lean on all available capacities to dance together for liberation
- Reweave the threads of togetherness into something stronger than individual existence
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Trainer Tip: Notice when you're tempted to wield physical, emotional, and intellectual power to get your children to do what you want. This coercion or force may bring short term ease, but long term it can be counterproductive. Ask yourself “What do I want my child to do?” and “What do I want my child’s reasons for doing it to be?”. Then consider ways to help them connect to their intrinsic motivation for doing it.
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- Witness these two visionaries engage with love, openness, and curiosity
- Explore open questions and curiosities you have about NVC
- Help support the ongoing sustainability of NVC Academy
- Expand your thinking within NVC and its relevance to our times
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Much like other asymmetric relationships (such as therapist and client), there are complications related to power dynamics that can arise with any NVC trainer having sex with a participant. For one, there's (counter)transference. And there's potential for things that may not move outside this asymmetric relationship -- such as projections where the participant, and/or the trainer, is guided by un-healed pain of their "inner child".
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- Explore what makes the capacity lens radical and practical
- Understand the complexities of how capacity and willingness interface
- Mourn capacity limits within and around us without jumping to conclusions
- Orient to agreements as behavioral anchoring in support of your commitments
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Observation is the awareness of our sensory perceptions and thoughts, separate from evaluations and judgments. Feeling involves bodily sensations and emotions, distinct from "faux feelings" that mix thought and emotion. Needs encompass universal human requirements for survival and wellness, while thoughts and evaluations express needs. Requests are rooted in connection and invite true willingness, rather than demanding compliance.