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What are the most powerful things I can do to build an inspired relationship? I answered the question with romantic relationships in mind; however, I believe the answer below applies to all important relationships.
Even leaders we admire may exhibit behaviors that could be labeled as abusive, at least slightly. This includes not treating followers as equals, using charm, and hiding or twisting truth. In such scenarios a key reason for this is loneliness. If we're using our work and position primarily to gain for appreciation, acknowledgement, and acceptance then we need to examine our own loneliness. We...
Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed – or locked into passivity? This course offers you a way out. Learn to change the way you perceive leadership, and you’ll help yourself respond more powerfully and proactively every day of your life – wherever you are – and whomever you’re with!
Video
1 hour, 10 minutes
In October 2016, CNVC Certified Trainer Gitta Zimmerman held her 5th international workshop for people working with street children in Ruhpolding, Germany. This time most of the participants were already experienced, and we were merging more and more into a family. The workshop focus was on “mediation” and “entrepreneurship.
Trainer Tip: We can improve our relationships by focusing our attention first on connection instead of other stragegies.
Video
1 hour, 41 minutes
Working on social justice and racial equity? If you include attending to white culture and privilege as part of that work, you'll reap important benefits. Understanding white culture — along with its embedded historical privileges — provides valuable insight into a larger system of inequity.
Asking for help is difficult for many of us, but can yield rich rewards.
Audio
5 hours, 11 minutes
In this telecourse recording, expert trainer Miki Kashtan will help you uncover what prevents you from making requests for everything you want without fear. The class includes daily practices for requests skill building.
Trainer Tip: "I often hear people say that someone did something because of a need for control. Control is actually a strategy that is often confused with a need."
Listen to the Universe is a fun group exercise to explore how we focus our attention and interpret what we experience.
Practice Exercise
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One of the premises in NVC is that behind all behavior and expressions are Universal Human Needs as the deeper motivators. And one of the key distinctions in NVC is that between Needs and Strategies. Try Alan Seid's exercise called "Peeling the Layers of the Onion, " a process for uncovering these needs — the deeper motivations — that underlie words and behaviors we may find disturbing or...
Learn to recognize four forms of thinking and speaking that are likely to lead to disconnection.
Trainer tip: When you tell yourself that you have to do something, you're more likely to disconnect yourself from the needs you’re trying to meet, and also diminish the joy in your life. Instead, experiment with translating your “shoulds” and “have tos” into the need you are trying to meet.
Trainer Tip: Even if we don't agree, acknowledging others' realities can help demonstrate that we're including their feelings and needs in the conversation. Creating space for your reality and theirs can also bring a sense of connection, understanding, inclusion, abundance and fullness in life. Try it today. Read on for an example.
Trainer Tip: Even when it's tempting to coerce or match might with might, we can strive to meet our needs without negatively affecting others. Instead of convincing anyone to do it our way or to value the same things we value, we can focus on what we value: compassion among people and valuing everyone’s needs. By doing this we are actually more likely to meet our own needs and we are better...
Total inclusion is impossible: inclusion of all can often lead to exclusion of those who can't bear the behaviors of some. Many groups flounder and disintegrate because of too much inclusion. Limited resources and capacities may make it necessary to exclude. Keeping more coherent shared values and strategies may be another reason to place membership conditions so that what appears to be...
Trainer Tip: Notice how you feel when you compare yourself to other people. It may overwhelm you with feelings of shame, guilt, or disappointment, and knock the joy out. When we compare ourselves to other people, or compare others, we open the door to pain and despair, and we separate ourselves from others. Learn to think about yourself without comparisons. Own your feelings and needs without...
Trainer Tip: We have four choices of how to respond to someone, even when they say things that are hard to hear. We can blame the speaker, blame ourselves, we can self empathize by acknowledging our feelings and needs, or we can empathize with the other person's feelings and needs. Be aware of these options and consciously make your choice based on the needs you want to meet.
Ask the Trainer: "Could you share a list of types of requests, with examples of each and a possible strategy for formulating requests in conversation?"