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  1. Feelings vs Interpretations

    Feelings vs Interpretations

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Articles · 1 - 2 minutes · 10/20/2020

    Here's a list of words that pose as feelings, but are actually interpretations of what you think someone is doing to you. They trigger defensiveness in another thereby preventing a connected dialogue. Behind each of these words are precious feelings and needs. This sheet includes ways to distinguish feelings from interpretations.

  2. The Powers No One Can Take Away From Us

    The Powers No One Can Take Away From Us

    Miki Kashtan

    Articles · 16 - 24 minutes · 1/21/2020

    We can choose our stories of interpretation, and how to respond. And while stories of self-sufficiency can (to a degree) give us more influence over our own lives, they don't erase oppression, war, nor climate change. When stories omit a lens that includes impacts of interdependence, oppression, and structural inequities, stories can also keep us disconnected and blocked from compassion for self and others -- and perpetuating an oppressive status quo. However, with this lens we can make greater compassion and collective liberation possible. Even as the outcome is unknown.

  3. In this brief audio snippet, CNVC Certified Trainer and founder of the CNVC Parenting Project, Inbal Kashtan, explores observation in contrast to interpretation, and leads an exercise in observation skills.

  4. The Cause of Our Feelings

    The Cause of Our Feelings

    John Kinyon, Miki Kashtan

    Trainer Tips · 3 - 5 minutes · 7/28/2010

    Ask the Trainer: “I would love some clarity about the NVC perspective on the cause of our feelings. It seems to me that my needs may be met or not, but the cause of my painful feelings is my story around the situation.”

  5. In this book excerpt, Kathleen and Jared offer a path to reach deeper clarity, distinguishing between revealing ourselves and projection.

  6. Making Sure We Are Heard

    Making Sure We Are Heard

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 6/16/2019

    Trainer Tip: We all see through our own filters. To disentangle what we hear from some is really saying, check using understanding requests at the level of detail you need. Course correct along the way. In a charged situation this can be critical to bringing in clarity, being heard and resolving differences amicably.

  7. Unappreciated is NOT a Feeling

    Unappreciated is NOT a Feeling

    Rachelle Lamb

    Video · 2 minutes · 03/26/2017

    Unappreciated, Judged, Disrespected, Offended, Manipulated ... people use these words to describe feelings but these are all words that describe interpretations instead. They're also words that get people's backs up. Talk about unproductive! The solution? Develop a vocabulary of feelings so you can minimize defensiveness in others and facilitate connection.

  8. Expressing Our Pain Without Blame

    Expressing Our Pain Without Blame

    Miki Kashtan

    Articles · 4 - 6 minutes · 3/6/2020

    The more we can stay present with our hurt, and own our interpretations, we are more likely to express what's important to us without blame and also to become resilient. From there, the listener can have more space to offer their full presence and empathy. Read on for more.

  9. Making Requests for Respect

    Making Requests for Respect

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Articles · 3 - 5 minutes · 3/16/2021

    When asking for respect it helps to first get clear about your interpretations of other's behavior. You can do this by asking about the other's intentions before believing your thoughts. You can also make a clear request for what specifically you want to see happen instead. Read on for more.

  10. Working With Perceptions Of Abandonment

    Working With Perceptions Of Abandonment

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 3 - 5 minutes · 2/7/2023

    When you hear yourself saying that you are being abandoned, turn toward your experience with compassion and curiosity. Check in with your interpretations, feelings, and needs. Reach out for support. This can help dissolve feelings of reactivity and allow perspective. You are then able to make requests of yourself about what you’d like to do differently in the future to honor for your needs when making a choice.

  11. Parenting from Your Heart - Q&A

    Parenting from Your Heart - Q&A

    Inbal Kashtan

    Audio · 1 hour, 4 minutes · 9/4/2010

    Please join us as we remember the work and life of Inbal Kashtan. She offered this parenting Q&A session in NVC Academy's 2013 Parenting Conference.

  12. When you or anyone is upset, what could underneath the trigger?  There may be more than is immediately visible.  This article invites us to explore what it looks like to inquire deeper, take self-responsibility, examine our assumptions, attachments, interpretations, and "certainties" that could be hidden behind the needs that are aching to be attended to...

  13. Intention and Effect

    Intention and Effect

    Miki Kashtan

    Articles · 12 - 18 minutes · 8/9/2020

    When someone expresses upset about our actions, and we focus on our intention being seen and understood (e.g. "I didn’t mean to hurt you”) it doesn't support the speaker in being heard more deeply with care. Here we'll explore this dynamic in a way that supports more clarity and the possibility of greater personal liberation. Read on for more.

  14. A Brief Introduction to "The Work"

    A Brief Introduction to "The Work"

    Arnina Kashtan

    Video · 8 minutes · 09/05/2021

    In this brief introduction to The Work from Byron Katie, Arnina shows the connection of The Work to Nonviolent Communication. Arnina points out how the first two questions of The Work correspond to the observation step of the NVC process, and invites us into deeper self-inquiry.

  15. Beyond "Evaluation"

    Beyond "Evaluation"

    Bob Wentworth

    Articles · 10 - 15 minutes · 09/20/2023

    The question “Is X an evaluation?” (where “X" represents whatever word is under discussion) has taken up some controversy in the NVC network. Often, context changes the meaning and assessment of words (eg. use of the term "domination" as in "You’re trying to dominate me!” vs. “domination societies”). Read on for several questions that can support understanding whether a term is evaluative, and reflect on the results it produces.

  16. Faux Feelings

    Faux Feelings

    Yvette Erasmus

    Video · 2 min 30 sec · 07/26/2023

    Yvette Erasmus shares her interpretation of the difference between "faux" feelings and feelings. "Faux" feelings imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame.

  17. Unacknowledged Fear Looks Like Aggression

    Unacknowledged Fear Looks Like Aggression

    Miki Kashtan

    Video · 2 minutes · 06/07/2011

    CNVC Certified Trainer Miki Kashtan shares how Marshall Rosenberg helped her see how unacknowledged fear can be misinterpreted as aggression and offers an elegant and simple strategy for changing this dynamic.

  18. How to Interact with an Angry Practice Group Member

    How to Interact with an Angry Practice Group Member

    Liv Larsson

    Trainer Tips · 2 - 3 minutes · 7/28/2010

    Ask the Trainer: “I would like some suggestions on how to interact with a member of the practice group I started. This individual speaks and acts in a manner I interpret as angry and controlling.”

  19. How Our Behavior Impacts Our Children

    How Our Behavior Impacts Our Children

    Roxy Manning

    Video · 5 min 30 sec · 03/26/2024

    Children interpret and create meaning from everything they observe. They form a narrative about themselves and their place in the world. Roxy Manning shares how the stories of parents contribute to this narrative. Roxy shares a personal story where she, in an attempt to highlight her son's intellectual gifts, unintentionally influenced him to believe he couldn't do things on his own and wasn't smart. The impact of stories like this on a child's self-perception is long-lasting. Roxy urges us to consider the unintended messages that our words and actions may convey, as these narratives can be challenging to shift once established.

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