
Search Results: focusing
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- Learn tips and strategies to ensure ALL voices are heard
- Grow your capacity to name and address power dynamics
- See how prior assumptions and perspectives impact how groups work together
- Explore facilitation components using a caring for all, power-with lens
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Trainer Tip: If you are motivated by fear, guilt, blame or shame, your actions will usually be motivated by avoiding pain. The best way to experience permanent, lifelong change is to focus on how your life will improve when you make a change. Notice when you attempt to motivate yourself and others with guilt, blame, or shame today, and then look for motivations that enrich life instead.
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Control may help us feel safe in an unpredictable, unsafe, wild world. Wanting control may be a response to shielding ourselves from feeling fear and being aware of our vulnerability. The more we insulate from fear, discomfort, and vulnerability, the more we are cut off from aliveness; we can become more anxious, and depressed. The more we control the more we are disconnected from empathy and care. With aliveness come joy, peace, love, awe.
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Trainer Tip: Even when it's tempting to coerce or match might with might, we can strive to meet our needs without negatively affecting others. Instead of convincing anyone to do it our way or to value the same things we value, we can focus on what we value: compassion among people and valuing everyone’s needs. By doing this we are actually more likely to meet our own needs and we are better able to live peacefully.
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Even leaders we admire may exhibit behaviors that could be labeled as abusive, at least slightly. This includes not treating followers as equals, using charm, and hiding or twisting truth. In such scenarios a key reason for this is loneliness. If we're using our work and position primarily to gain for appreciation, acknowledgement, and acceptance then we need to examine our own loneliness. We need feedback to keep such conduct in check.
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Trainer Tip: We can voice our upset about a situation and still see the higher self in the other person. Honest expression can deepen connection and bring us closer to resolution and connection, when we're not judging them. To know that they're a spiritual being, but think they're an insensitive slob or egotistical bore, is a contradiction. Instead, look for the needs they want to meet. See the spiritual being in everyone—even yourself.
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Trainer Tip: "Power over" refers to using power, coercion, fear or authority to force change. It rarely brings lasting change. "Power with" refers to power that seeks to meet everyone’s needs. A "power with" system values input and needs of everyone who will be affected by decisions. When you notice you're using a power over paradigm to get results, shift focus to power with. Notice how this shift in consciousness affects results.
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Discover how the perennial strength of compassion and the living energy of needs can help you develop resilience in order to remain present with yourself and others amidst today's challenges.
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- Explore the spiritual foundations of NVC
- Witness transformational and healing processes led by Robert Gonzales
- Learn from the questions proposed by participants
- Gain processes that support a consciousness of the “Beauty of Needs”
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We can use anger as an important signal to let us know that we perceive a threat to a universal need or value, directing our attention to something so that we can take effective action, and avoid harmful thought patterns. For example, instead of dwelling on a "should," focus on addressing unmet needs through boundaries and effective communication.
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Trainer Tip: Research shows long-term change comes when people have intrinsic desire to change. Extrinsic motivation is temporary and often only lasts while we're observed (eg. driving the speed limit when police are there). Notice where you're mostly intrinsically or extrinsically motivated. How does this feel? For instance, do you call mom because you want to connect with her? Or because you’re worried she’ll be hurt if you don’t?
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In uncertain times, when facing important life decisions, it's common to get caught up in imagining various scenarios and potential outcomes. The desire to predict and control the future often gives a false sense of security. The key is to make decisions based on the information available now, minimizing the number of irreversible choices. This approach maintains focus on what is known and prevents getting lost in the unknown. Rigor is essential, especially when familiar pathways don't align with desired values. In times of high stakes and uncertainty, such as dealing with a health crisis, the challenge is to resist the urge to speculate on countless possibilities and instead concentrate on the facts at hand. Miki Kashtan shares how staying in the present and acting on what is currently known provided a practical and grounded approach which allowed her to stay present throughout her sister's, Inbal Kashtan, journey with cancer.
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Read how an American Buddhist NVC teacher with Jewish roots reflects on how any dehumanization in the Israel-Hamas conflict can be used to justify all kinds of violence that can escalate for generations. With acknowledgment of the complexities, his desire is for us to bring in respect, dignity and peace -- for both Israelis and Palestinians. He emphasizes compassionate advocacy of all humanity amid the ongoing crisis.
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So many of us have a habitual response of trying to eliminate uncertainty and the arrival of what we don't want. Alternatively, we can embrace the irreducible uncertainty of life. This shift from resistance and helplessness to mourning allows acceptance of outcomes, reduction of stress, and opens the door to noticing and appreciating what's present and available amidst challenges.
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Roxy Manning suggests that in navigating a situation where accusations of racism and a white savior complex arise, the facilitator emphasizes the distinction between intention and impact. Acknowledging the pain of the aggrieved person, the facilitator clarifies that racism is about impact, not necessarily intention. Encouraging a focus on the impact first, the facilitator invites understanding of the internal and systemic levels of the experience. Despite the person's insistence on their intention, the facilitator remains firm in prioritizing the discussion of impact. The goal is to create a space for acknowledging and addressing the impact before delving into intentions.
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Duke Duchscherer shares that community well-being is created by the relationships that exist within the community. He discerns two vital components: bonding connections within similar groups and bridging connections between different groups. This interplay forms what is commonly termed as social capital, a cornerstone of community vitality.
Duke says that a community's strength lies in its ability to foster connections across diverse backgrounds. This notion resonates deeply with him, reinforcing his commitment to utilizing restorative circles. These circles, with their focus on building and restoring relationships, hold the key to enhancing collective resilience and unity. He believes they represent a proactive approach to sustaining community cohesion and preventing fragmentation in the face of adversity.
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Hi friends, My name is Itzel and I’m happy for this opportunity to share a bit about myself and how I came to teach NVC. I was an activist before I knew what the word meant. When I was a child, I often argued with the adults around me about what I thought was “right.” If I had a nickel for every time a grown-up said to me, “You should be a lawyer,” I probably would’ve collected enough money to pay for the law school education that I eventually got. I left my traditional legal career path after more than a decade to become a...
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First, on the personal side… I’ve already planted half of my vegetable garden and it was so completely enjoyable. Remember how challenging this was for me a couple of years ago? My inner jackal did have a few things to say this year, but not nearly as many as in past years. And, I gave her loads of empathy so we made it through. I am thrilled about this. I can’t wait to see my seedlings pop up! If it’s a successful garden, I’ll share pictures in a future letter.
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- Learn tips and strategies to ensure ALL voices are heard
- Grow your capacity to name and address power dynamics
- See how prior assumptions and perspectives impact how groups work together
- Explore facilitation components using a caring for all, power-with lens
-
“The Embodied Spirituality of Nonviolent Communication” is an introduction to NVC created from recordings of trainings Robert Gonzales offered in Hawaii in 2007 on the islands of Maui and Kauai.
This collection is a celebration of Robert's life and one way we can honor his outstanding work.
The original product was a set of DVDs. NVC Academy has converted the original 3 DVD set into 5 mp4 videos. We have taken care to preserve the original product while simultaneously upgrading to HD video and remastering the audio in this new mp4 format.